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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want to do this....

22 replies

Alonza · 16/12/2019 13:59

My very first teacher hated me. Yes, i was one of those fidgety kids who couldn't sit still but i was 6! I had her in my 2nd year of primary school as well. One day i brought to school, with my sandwhich, a peach. It sat on my desk and she accused me of stealing HER peach. I cried and cried and said, standing my ground, that i didn't, and would never steal her peach. My mom packed it with my lunch. Next thing im being dragged out ( yes, dragged on the floor by my arms) with my skirt up and underwear showing, to the head master's office. She stood arms folded smiling while the class was laughing. This is the worst of the bullying i had to put up with from her and though 1 or 2 others complained she remains ( by some miracle) a teacher today. Heard from someone where she teaches and though it happened 30 years ago I'd like to confront her about it. It scarred me a bit. Aibu?

OP posts:
willloman · 16/12/2019 14:01

Do it - she needs to know that you have thrived despite her terrible bullying and that she is accountable for her atrocious behaviour.

HoHoHoik · 16/12/2019 14:02

YABU and it would only end badly I'm afraid, most likely with her calling the police.

Put your time and energy into seeking some counselling to help you move past it.

Livebythecoast · 16/12/2019 14:32

What a horrible experience for you and she certainly wouldn't get away with that now.
I would imagine if you confront her she will forget/deny it ever happened.
If you think it will make you feel better then do it but it could drag up that helpless feeling you had as a 6 year old if she denies it and possibly make you feel worse.

AlrightyyThen · 16/12/2019 14:54

YANBU to want to, but it will be better for you mentally if you don’t. Although feel free to call her a bitch loudly (and then say why if needs be) if she ever walks past you in the street Wink

At worst I would be tempted to inform her employer incase she’s never changed, but it would likely be more upsetting if it doesn’t get anywhere because of how old the complaint is. You’d potentially feel “not believed” all over again. Especially if she’s became a better person over time and noone thinks negatively of her anymore. Could even be why she’s moved schools.

Have you tried writing her a letter (but not sending it) getting things out on paper might be theraputic

Sorry you went through that OP it sounds absolutely awful Flowers

Morgan12 · 16/12/2019 15:03

What a horrible bitch she is!

Original poster
Alonza · 16/12/2019 20:30

@AlrightyyThen i have thought of writing a letter and posting it yes. To the other posters, its not a complaint per se and i don't expect her to remember it at all. I just wanted to get it off my chest so to speak by telling her how she made me feel

OP posts:
Justmuddlingalong · 16/12/2019 20:33

I would write a letter. And bloody post it.

JKScot4 · 16/12/2019 20:33

30 years later? By your own admittance you weren’t the easiest of kids, let it go, YABVVU.
How did she stand smiling whilst dragging you out?

Krazynights34 · 16/12/2019 20:38

From experience... writing a letter can open a whole can of worms.
Going back I wouldn’t do it again!

Drum2018 · 16/12/2019 20:41

I would also write to her, detailing what she did and ask her did she get some sort of sick kick out of bullying small children. Tell her you hope she has changed her ways for the sake of the children she teaches today. I might not sign it but I'd damn well send it and I'm sure she will remember the way she was. No doubt you weren't the only child she treated like that so the letter could be from anyone. It would be one way of getting it off your chest and telling her it was not ok to do what she did.

Original poster
Alonza · 17/12/2019 10:59

@JKScot4 2 boys of the class dragged me out

OP posts:
Original poster
Alonza · 17/12/2019 11:01

@JKScot4 i guess you were just a peach at 6. Sweet little angel. Lucky parents. Show me any other parent who doesn't have a figedty of active 6 yr old

OP posts:
Original poster
Alonza · 17/12/2019 11:02

There were other complaints against her, my mom discovered but somehow action was not taken against her

OP posts:
Original poster
Alonza · 17/12/2019 11:03

Thanks to everyone else for the support :)

OP posts:
DrManhattan · 17/12/2019 13:33

Definitely do it!
I would love the opportunity to stand up to the bullies I faced as a child.
She sounds awful

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 17/12/2019 13:39

I'd write a letter rather than personally confront. There is a chance the police would be called and then you look like the bad guy.

My DP had something similar. He asked a question in maths class in front of everyone. The teacher laughed at him and said the most he'd ever amount to would be working in McDonald's.

He's become very very successful in his field and wrote the teacher an email via his work account.

PhilCornwall1 · 17/12/2019 13:46

If you confront her and she says "I really haven't a clue who you are and if you don't leave me alone I will call the Police." What then?

I think this could probably do you more harm than good.

littlepaddypaws · 17/12/2019 14:05

horrible thing to happen but you'd looklike a fruit loop if you contacted her now.
must admit at the risk of getting flamed /deleted how was your underwear showing if you were dragged out by the arms ? legs may be but not arms with the laws of gravity.

Mrshue · 17/12/2019 14:08

I would want to send a letter. I don’t think YABU at all

However. It WAS 30 years ago. What if she’s changed? What if she needs money to help her mother survive or something. Yes she shouldn’t of done it. Yes a letter should of been written. But I’m not sure if it should be done so long after

However. I totally get where you’re coming from.

neverornow · 17/12/2019 14:32

I'd write a letter to her and post it to the school. Don't include your own address, that way she can't reply and you won't risk her possibly making you feel worse.
I've been toying with writing a letter to an ex manager of mine who bullied me. 15 years on and it still upsets me.

steff13 · 17/12/2019 14:40

I was never fidgety when I was 6 and neither were any of my kids. It's not a forgone conclusion that all kids are.

Be that as it may, however, this sounds awful. What happened at the time? Did you tell your parents? Why were you dragged out? Wouldn't she let you walk? What did the principal do?

I would write the letter, but I wouldn't send it. That's what my therapist told me to do when I'm holding on to past hurts.

Froglette16 · 17/12/2019 14:56

OP, I hear you! I wasn’t fidgety but liked to leave my desk tidy. At 6yo I was dragged to the front of the class by my teacher and smacked on the hand because I didn’t move fast enough to go to the front as she’d asked. I was trying to leave a tidy desk. My mum had words. It never happened again, but the experience never left me. Do whatever you need to do to make yourself feel better! Strength. 🌺🍡🌺

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