AIBU?
Is he a dick?
pureluxury · 16/12/2019 10:04
Friend of mine in a relationship of a couple
Of years. He is a bit of a commitmentphobe so they don't live together or have no long term plans as he isn't ready.
I'm finding lately that he is being derogatory towards women through memes and videos on messenger. It's all very jokey but I don't like it. He passes comments about women looking slutty when
They are' overdone' as he calls it.
I don't understand this.
His messages are almost like he is slagging off women who are in any way sexual but yet he has a girlfriend, a very demure, innocent lovely young lady. He treats her well but as long as it's on his terms
. It's this lads banter. Is it the way some men behave in a jokey/ lads way? It is totally disrespectful to women.Im
Sure he is not like this with her.
pureluxury · 16/12/2019 11:00
It is something to do with me. I am his friend of years and I ama woman. This is new or else it's evolving. He has hardly hidden this level of misogyny for all of these years has he? Seems like he has a problem
With women who take pride in their sexuality and sensuality. Yet not the women in his immediate circle. Having said that the women on his immediate circle are family members and close friends. I
Find it unsettling and just wanted to make some Sense of it .thanks
Tableclothing · 16/12/2019 11:04
Tell him his need to criticise such women stems from a deep-seated fear of and inability to cope with female sexuality. He's a frightened little boy inside. That's why he's chosen a very demure girlfriend. His relationships with female family members are a red herring - he doesn't see them as sexual, so they don't frighten him.
pureluxury · 16/12/2019 11:10
That's quite the theory but it makes sense to me. It like he puts women into two boxes. One for the demure non sexual women
As he sees them
And the other for women who enjoy their sexuality and express it .
It's a new side to him.
I don't like it one bit and feel Ive lost a whole Amount of respect for him.
pureluxury · 16/12/2019 11:21
No I'm not. I feel repulsed by him especially reading these responses.
Looking back on conversations I've had with him over the years, I see that the only women He has respect for are the women with whom he has no sexual connection Mothers/ grandmother/ aunts/ friends etc.
That incredibly weird and creepy.
If his girlfriends don't toe the line with his expectations, they're gone fast.
The women he likes to date are much younger,demure, lady like, quiet, pretty and
Pleasant.He likes to show off his girlfriends as a prize and Place them neatly back into their boxes then.I have noticed that overtime.
His girlfriends never get in the way of the mates or the hobbies.
dontgobaconmyheart · 16/12/2019 11:26
Glad you've lost respect for him OP. He is a misogynist. You're a woman. The two aren't compatible I'm afraid, he inherently sees you as a lesser person than him.
Presumably the women in his circle he sees as defacto property. They're for home making and making him feel important, not whoring. Other women aren't subject to the same 'respect' 
barrier though, he thinks they're there to comment on/look at/sexualise as he sees fit.
Misogynist hate women, and especially hate women who they worry can control them. Women's sexuality is a big problem for misogynists because they don't like the 'power' it gives a woman over them, they feel out of control. And they need to be IN control OP, because the world isn't right for them if women aren't down in their place where they are supposed to be.
It's all very pathetic. Of course he's a dick, anyone who speaks about women that way obviously is. Why would you even see such a person.
pureluxury · 16/12/2019 11:35
It's hard to understand this.I wonder where I fit into his narrative! A friend. Only that but to whom he has passed many a compliment and a hint at my own attractiveness if that's the right phrase. Over complimenting, over fawning and then suddenly cut back on contact one day to my disbelief.
We are sort of back to normal now but this thread has helped me see the real him.
NearlyGranny · 16/12/2019 11:43
He may well have been 'radicalised' into increased misogyny by spending time on the hate sites that abound on the internet. His use of disrespectful memes suggest that to me. Once people get into an echo chamber of their own views things can spiral quite quickly
Sad to see a friend turning bad - sadder still for his gf.
pureluxury · 16/12/2019 11:57
I am
Somewhat sad as we did enjoy a good equal friendship until I noticed the comments creeping in.
Then the misogyny started to creep in.
Then he speaks about his girlfriends family( he said they are dysfunctional) and he worried that it would be a bad thing in the future for him to be part of that when his own family are the opposite. His words.
He speaks about his girlfriend to me, in terms of how grateful she is to have him and be part of his life considering the awful
Relationships she's been in, in the past and if it doesn't work out, she will know how to be treated in the future ! As if he is doing her a favour! She absolutely adores him.He loves this. I'm finding it all a bit weird. It is like he has had a personality transplant.
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