Who decides what you are going to eat over christmas?

[CharlesTheAggressiveTurkey]

Is it mainly the host, with obviously thought towards what the guests would like?

I'm asking because my beloved friend is coming to us for christmas. She will be staying for three nights. She has some issues around food and tends to restrict and binge. Has done for years and gains and loses significant amounts of weight in quite short spaces of time.

She is younger than me by about 5 years and we have known each other our whole lives and are very close. We spend Christmas together occasionally, as we are family friends. We have a great relationship and she knows her food issues are quite unusual, but luckily, not totally debilitating and she is a healthy weight, tending more towards being overweight than under. Just for context as she is not worryingly thin and never has been.

She has given me a list of foods that she would like me to buy for her to eat while she is here and says she will contribute towards the food bill. What she is offering probably would not cover what we were planning to spend per person on meals and drinks for the whole three days, but it is not an issue. If she didn't contribute anything other than a bottle of wine or box of chocs, or nothing at all, that would also be fine. The problem is, that some of the foods on the list are things we would never eat in our house. I have also bought them for her in the past and she hasn't eaten them. One of the things, I remember her asking me to buy loads of, (think tinned or packet things, which we could buy fresh, but which she doesn't want fresh). She didn't open a single one and left them here till we had a clear out and sent them to the food bank.

I'm going to buy the bloody things again, as she has asked, but AIBU to think she is being a bit of a twat about it? Again, we are close, like best friends and I love her dearly. But I had planned lovely meals for everyone to have together and I'm a bit disappointed that she is opting out, so everyone else will all be eating something I've planned and made and she'll be helping herself to something else from the cupboard.

Aibu to be a bit .

Personally I'd get them, have them in for her and then if she doesn't eat them I'd just bag them up and give them to her when she goes. Perhaps they are "safe" foods she can always go to, but so far you've come up trumps and she hasn't "needed" them. iyswim.

Ah! Sorry, OP - x-posted.

It's just that I had a friend like this (I suspected she did have an eating disorder). I'd get in everything she asked for and would change family meals (eg Shepherds' Pie would become onion, minced beef - she didn't like lamb - in stock made from a cube and topped with mashed potatoes with no butter or milk).

Only to find she was still bringing loads of packets of custard creams, Yakult drinks and pots of strawberry jam 🤷‍♀️

@CharlesTheAggressiveTurkey

Or maybe "go forth and select ye all the foods ye desireth". Too much?

Definitely not too much.

Seething that I didn't think of it

LaMarch.

Blue, that's true, maybe I should take is a compliment.

YANBU. I am cooking Christmas dinner again this year for 20 people. I am a bit stressed about it as I've not had a Christmas where I can just relax. I would tell your df that she will have to have what is provided by your good self and that you will consider df when you go Xmas food shopping. I wouldn't buy the items that she didn't eat last year and I would say that also. Be like I am sure their's plenty to go around so she will have to try and fit in with everyone else. I wouldn't be able to cater for someone who wants to eat something different to what I cook. I do a turkey roast and a vegetarian option that seems to suit all.

Tell her to organise an online shopping deluxe to your house of what she wants.

God don't tell her to organise an online delivery. Minimum spend £40? Imagine how much stuff she'll get if her list is muller lights and tuna

Oh sweet jesus, no, that's an excellent point re online shop. I'd be drowning in blimmin extra light mayo!

Perhaps they are "safe" foods she can always go to, but so far you've come up trumps and she hasn't "needed" them. iyswim.

^ This.

My dd has all sorts of weird food issues (asd and other causes) and she insists on taking her preferred foods with her when we eat at relatives houses, and a packed lunch if we go to a restaurant, but a lot of the time she'll find something to eat there that she feels OK about and the safe foods come back home again.

Just ask her to bring anything she want.

If I were you I'd point out that you'll be super-busy getting ready for Christmas for your family and so won't have time to do a special shop for different things. Tell her to just bring anything she particularly wants. Have to say she sounds rather self-absorbed to me!

Agreed.

She sounds very controlling and I wouldn't be putting up with it in my own home over Christmas.

I was going to say it was a bit weird but actually when we were hosting Christmas people kept g o ing on about there being olives and feta cheese and certain crackers etc, as well as Christmas cake and mince pies (there HAS to be mince pies, I was told 50 times). We eat none of those things. Nobody touched any of them even though we pulled them out regularly and offered and people wouldn't take them home. I think people just have an image of what Christmas looks like

Yes, true, but who imagines salmon in spring water and Muller Lights at their fantasy christmas?

I think it's more likely they are her safe foods.

That is annoying though, all the "we have to have..." and then nobody wants to eat it or take it home!

I don’t understand why she can’t buy them herself and bring them along then take whatever she wants home...