Can’t stand my 14 month old at the moment

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I’ve name changed for this. But I currently can’t stand my 14 month old DS. He is a ‘high needs’ baby. Needs constant attention. I literally get no time to myself at all. He won’t nap, unless he’s in the car seat, pushchair or laying on the bed with one of us.
Recently he won’t even sleep in his cot at bedtime and ends up in our bed every night, which means we’re all constantly tired everyday. We’ve tried resettling in his cot and retreating as is recommended, but he doesn’t just cry, he gets hysterical and starts screaming.
He’s got plenty of toys and books to play with and of course we to read to him and play with him a lot, but he also brings us books all the time to read, which in some ways is nice, but he’s if we’re busy or doing something else and have to say no, he has a huge meltdown.
I just feel like I’ve failed so far.
He’s a bright, quick and a fast learner. But he’s always whinging if he’s not got our full attention.

The newest thing is throwing his dinner on the floor. He just chucks everything we give him. He barely eats because of this. It’s really frustrating and worrying and I feel like we’re wasting so much food.

I just want to go back to my old life, before I had him.
Me and my DP argue constantly because of everything and it feels like nothing will ever change.

He's just entered the toddler phase and I remember it being a difficult time. DS2 was particularly difficult. Very draining. I also had days where I just had enough of him and dreaded spending the day with him. This phase does pass so please don't feel like this is it, this only a very small chapter.

Re the dinner throwing. Ds is really bad with this so I only give him little bits at a time never the whole lot. Also, once he starts chucking it, he’s usually full so we do something else instead. He likes to eat little and often.

Yes, agree with Coat, I've even given my dd single peas one at a time!

My dog started to clear at around 14m but I totally hear you. I didn’t like having a small child at all. My DD is now 3 and at least 70% of the time with her is awesome. Being able to talk to her has made a massive difference.

She was also clingy/non sleeper etc. Brutal isn’t it 💐

Hi,

I felt like I was reading this about my DS, especially the reading books! He is now 20 months and has been such hard work. Was a velcro baby for months and still now wants constant physical contact. His sleep is still awful, sometimes I wonder how many hours I have spent trying to get him to sleep. It can be completely frustrating and draining and I definitely argue with my DH more when we're in a particularly rough sleep phase (which is often!). Not much family support either.

However, over the past couple of months, his personality has started to come through and he is great! Loves people and interested in everything, loads of energy and lots of fun. I can't believe my crying, unhappy baby has turned into such a delight! It's still hard but easier now I feel I'm getting something back.

It has been/is lonely at times as I feel like other people just don't get it. But it does get better. Making local mum friends really helped me get through.
X

Just want to add I have regularly felt like a failure while with other mums and their calm, happy babies. However, I am starting to realise that I've had to be a better parent to meet ALL his needs & you are doing a brilliant job too!!

Sleep - normal but tough. Try to not fight it for a while.
Food - normal. Feels like they can live on air at this age, so little goes in. Google toddler portions so you have realistic ideas.
Involve them in chores as much as possible. It can add time but you gain not dealing with upset. Even just chatting about what you’re doing while you do it.
Try to not use word no - it can become a trigger. Not just now, after I do this etc say same thing but don’t always cause upset.
Consider a sling so you can get stuff done.
Get outside every day.