Mumsnet Logo
My feed

to access all these features


Me or partner?

18 replies

TheFabledSnake · 15/12/2019 16:50

Sitting on the sofa together, he goes to.pit his arm around me but lifts my t shirt to do so. I say please don't lift my shirt it's cold. He ignores me does it anyway. I have asked him so many times in the past to not do this. I like him holding me but he insists on lifting my shirt each time.

So I jump up in annoyance and we argue about it. He says I'm controlling, everything has to be my way. I say I only want you to do what I ask of my body, ie. Don't lift my fucking shirt up.

Some arguing ensues and he says don't bother I won't touch you again and calls me Stalin. I'm upset and angry, sitting in the bedroom now.

He's had some bad news about his father recently and I'm sympathetic of course but I don't feel I have to let him do what he wants if I ask him not to. AIBU?

OP posts:

pangolina · 15/12/2019 16:52

Dickhead. Why is he lifting your shirt? To grope you?


TheFabledSnake · 15/12/2019 16:53

Not to grope, just to touch my skin I guess, like around my stomach. Still annoying though

OP posts:

pangolina · 15/12/2019 16:55

He is being unreasonable and weird


Tombliwho · 15/12/2019 16:57

If someone asks you not to do something to their body you stop the very first time and don't carry on.
DH used to try to stroke my ankle when we were on the sofa and lift my leggings/jeans a bit. The sensation gave me the heebie jeeebies. I told him and he doesn't do it anymore. Sorted.


Pooshweens · 15/12/2019 16:57

That works annoy me too. And it's a bit creepy!!


MrsDirtyBear · 15/12/2019 16:58

Yanbu. You should be allowed to say no to clothes being removed. Especially when its going to make you cold


pjmask · 15/12/2019 16:58



TheFabledSnake · 15/12/2019 16:59

@Tombliwho that's it as well, it feels kind of odd. And similarly I don't touch his feet because he doesn't like it. When I said this, that's when I was told I am controlling etc Hmm

OP posts:

1CantPickAName · 15/12/2019 16:59

You have ever right not to be touched by anyone, at anytime and he should always respect your wishes, it’s your body!

Do you like it sometimes but on this occasion you didn’t want it?

I presume he wasn’t trying to touch you in a sexual way? Not that it makes a difference


Tableclothing · 15/12/2019 17:00

He's the one being controlling.


PurpleDaisies · 15/12/2019 17:00

He is being unreasonable. You’re saying no. He’s ignoring that.


TheFabledSnake · 15/12/2019 17:01

@1CantPickAName yes sometimes is nice, in bed etc. But I'm cold and we're in the living room with our 3 year old so definitely not trying to get into the mood.

And I wasn't rude, I said please don't love, it's cold

OP posts:

EL8888 · 15/12/2019 17:02

He’s unreasonable


Arnoldthecat · 15/12/2019 17:04



Reallynowdear · 15/12/2019 17:04

He is being unreasonable.

If you've asked him a few times not to do something, explained why, yet he still ignores your wishes, he's deliberately trying to antagonise you.


TheFabledSnake · 15/12/2019 17:07

I'm not sure why he takes such offence at being asked politely to not I said, I like you holding me but please don't lift my shirt up and he just gets pissed off like I told him to fuck off

OP posts:

RandomAmanda · 15/12/2019 19:32

He probably sees it as a rejection of his affection.

Yanbu of course, you've every single right to not be touched if you don't want to be. He's gone hugely overboard calling you Stalin. It's unreasonable enough being annoyed with you, nevermind telling you that you're 'controlling'.


MulticolourTinselOnTheTree · 15/12/2019 19:40

It's not you, it's him. He should be respecting you don't want your shirt lifted, in the same way you respect he doesn't want his feet touched.

You're not being controlling, just stating you don't want your shirt lifted. That he keeps ignoring your reasonable wishes doesn't put him in a good light.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Sign up to continue reading

Mumsnet's better when you're logged in. You can customise your experience and access way more features like messaging, watch and hide threads, voting and much more.

Already signed up?