How do i deal with such torn feelings?

[macaroniandpizza]

In currently almost 12wks pregnant and have an appointment booked for next week for a termination. I feel sad about this but the other side of me knows its for the best given my circumstances. How can i deal with the feelings of regret and sadness that i have having not even been to the appointment yet 😥 ill be asking if i can have a surgical procedure so that its over and done with i couldnt bear having things happen at home

I've never been through anything like this, personally, but wanted to bump your post. It might be better to ask for this to be moved to a more subject appropriate board too. I wish you well. ❤️

Thank you very much ministry 😘

Hi macaroni my advice is to write down all the reasons why you have made this decision and refer to this after the event when you feel your regrets. I was given this advice and it really did help. The situation I was in meant I could not proceed with the pregnancy and no amount of agonising and searching for a solution changed this. Even now, several years later when I think, 'well I could have just coped' when I look back at what I wrote down, I knew I couldn't have done it (already had one child, and subsequently met, and eventually left, a violent and dangerous man). So sorry you are in this situation. 💐

I have a wee part time job that i love, my ds who is my world and we have a holiday of a lifetime booked for next year. Those are my reasons for going ahead with it. That and i dont want to bring another child into the world and be on my own from day one again. I want to be with someone who loves and cares for me. Not like this wee ones dad who has skunked off into the dark never to be seen again

Yes, my decision was hugely influenced by the impact it would have had on my existing child. And, I just didn't have it in me to be a single parent to two children, especially as I knew that the violent jerk would not support me in any way, emotionally and financially, and would also never be off my doorstep interfering and threatening me. As you already know, being a single parent takes every bit of energy you have, and I just couldn't change my child's world by being on my knees with two.

ihearu i feel like i could of written your post myself, i know its the right decision and yet why do i still feel so guilty about doing it? It sucks :(

For me it was that in an ideal world - for example if i had won the lottery and could have afforded all the help i needed - i might have made a different decision, but it came down to barely scraping by as it was and being emotionally exhausted. So, it wasn't that I didn't want to go ahead with the pregnancy, it was I couldn't, not without a massive impact on me and my child, coupled with the nightmare ex. So my feelings were torn between what I would have liked, and what was possible. And that sucked.

I believe that generally you make the best decision at the time with the information you have. You will look back and wonder 'what if' but that doesn't mean it was a wrong decision.

such a hard decision. Just to say though that you may want more kids in the future. It's better for conceiving again if you don't have the surgical treatment as they scrape you and it can leave scars/cause problems. Not always obviously but it was something I didn't know. Also tho if you do have the surgical they will want you to take drugs to start contracting whilst you're in hospital waiting for the op. To soften the cervix and lessen the risk of scarring etc. You don't have to take that if you don't want - I broke down at the thought of it and the Drs put pressure on me but the kind nurse whispered in my ear I could refuse. I knew I wouldn't have more kids so I did.

You don't have a termination because you have a holiday booked. Have a long think and write down your reasons and think it all through.

anxioussue im not terminating just because i have a holiday booked there are other more important reasons to. I listed it because it is one of my reasons. Ive saved for a long time for the holiday and i dont want my son to miss out

Anxioussue Not a helpful comment.

If you are confident that you have made the best decision you could, you just have to keep reminding yourself of that. You probably will feel terrible at times, I did, to the point of crossing the street to avoid prams and feeling I didn't deserve to be a mother and deserved the subsequent miscarriages, even though I was and am still sure it was the least worst option in the citcumstances. If you aren't sure, that's another question. And whatever happens, don't put yourself in this position again - review your contraception.

You can have a termination for whatever reason you want lovely. I've had two in my life and both times it was definitely the right thing for me. You sound very measured and lovely and I hope that brighter times lie ahead. I believe surgical is the only option at your stage of pregnancy... I was 9 weeks and the doctor told me that was the upper limit for a medical termination. Sending you good wishes.

Sorry OP, I misunderstood

Its not a problem anxioussue dont worry :)

I had a surgical one not long after my DS was born, and it didn't have any effect on me conceiving again. I have also had the pill one, which imo, was horrendous and wouldn't recommend if you can have the surgical. That's just my experience. Good luck OP. x

puddleducker id rather have the surgical if im honest for the fact of i know its done there and then in a sense that and the thought of things passing at home when its just me and ds terrifies me

If you are at all in doubt, then don’t do it… you may come to regret it. And is it really worth aborting your child for the sake of a holiday. Good luck with your decision.

And I should also have put a question mark instead of a full stop at the end of the second sentence. I clearly need to sleep.

Your circumstances and reasons are valid. This is not an easy choice to make and it's understandable to feel torn. Good idea to write a list now. Good luck

If you are at all in doubt, then don’t do it… you may come to regret it

I assume you are referring to an abortion, but I think this applies equally, if not more so to having a child.

Personally I would rather have an abortion and risk feeling sad/what if afterwards, than continue the pregnancy and risk having a child I regretted, in a situation that I knew was untenable and deal with the impact on my existing child for the rest of all our lives.

Its not that id regret having the child per se but id regret bringing them into the world when i cant support them fully