Not buying presents because they've brought for you...

[coconutty101]

We've friends that live up the village from us...
Barely see them through the year actually, but OH is godparent to 2 of 3 of their children, and we usually buy them gifts for all 3, birthdays and Xmas.

OH has been out of work most of the year, we're really struggling with money.
We have explained this to them, but they've gone ahead and brought a present anyway.

AIBU not to buy for their kids this year?
I do feel a bit bad they've brought for our son but we're not buying back, I feel we should buy them something.

If you explained and made it clear that you weren't able to buy them something, I don't think you have to. They've made an informed choice to buy you a present anyway which it's very kind

If you've explained then am sure they wont be expecting gifts this year. They probably feel it's still a nice gesture to send a gift as it's not about giving to receive.
I'd maybe send a large box of chocolates or a selection box for each of the children still though. It's the thought not the cost.

If he's godparent then I think he should make some sort of effort. You can get selection boxes cheap as chips and a couple of hair clips. 15 quid max would cover this. You don't have to give because they are, if you are stone broke just tell them you will get something during the year.

Don't worry about the people telling you to send a gift of any sort, OP, you're absolutely fine not to in these circumstances.

Did you categorically say "we dont have money to buy extra presents this year, so please dont buy for our child as we cant reciprocate" or did you tell them you were skint and hope they inferred from that that presents were a no go?

If the former then don't worry about it. You were clear and it's not your problem if people don't listen or they may just want yo buy your DS something anyway. Either way it's fine.

If it was the latter however, you have brought this awkward situation on yourself with poor communication. People are not mind readers. If this is the case, I would buy something as a joint present (the card game Gubs is great and only £10 on Amazon) or selection boxes and then apologise that you were not clear that you've had to downsize your Christmas due to finances and individual pressies are not possible.

Can you make a gift of a free experience - depending on the age of the children they could go for a walk in a nearby forest, have an hour of making collages in your kitchen using magazines from your neighbours recycling etc. Either take the kids individually or as a group.

How explicit were you? If you outright said that things are tight and you won't be able to do presents this year, then there's no way that they've misunderstood and they've chosen to buy for your son anyway, which is lovely of them.

Absolutely agree with Anchor, they've done something lovely.

Well OH showed me a pic this morning of a huge wrapped present for DS sent by his friend.
He then replied 'I'm so sorry, we just haven't the money for presents this year'.
She was fine about it tbf, saying not to worry, she understands.

I don't have much to do with the couple, and we don't see them through the year even though they only live the other end of the village!

But I still feel bad about the situation this year.
We really stretched ourselves getting grandparent gifts from DS (which I shouldn't have done) and called off family Secret santa too.
My 2 nieces and nephews have a selection pack and a hand made voucher for a day at the farm in the spring.
Hooefully the money situation will be better by then.

You don’t give to receive. Especially when you know your friends are struggling for money.

Don’t feel bad I’m sure the friends have because they wanted to.

They understand your situation, don't expect anything back and have given your son a present to help you.

They sound great. Lovely people. I know it's hard to accept help but try to relax and embrace it.

The gift they brought for you, where did they bring it from?

If my friend told me that they couldn’t purchase my child anything then I wouldn’t expect anything. I would probably explain that I would still get their child something as usually I have gifts planned out so would like to still get them something. I don’t buy gifts to receive them (or so dd receives them)

It’s fine, you explained your position so they bought gifts knowing they wouldn’t be getting any in return. They’re just doing what they normally do.

(Also, Its bought. No r.)

As the PP said its fine to explain yourself and not buy gifts but you can't ask other people not to buy gifts for you and why would you anyway?

I buy for who I want to buy for and don't care at all whether I get anything back, that's not why I do it.

honestly, if it where me I would get something for them.

Not something expensive that would effect on our xmas but you can get little things from as low as 50p (poundland having a sale on all kinds from selection boxes to quirky gifts at the moment) and 3x 50p is £1.50 hardly bank breaking but the gesture goes a long way and kids dont care about money just about thought and effort.