Or Should They Just Call It A Day?

[MitziK]

We live in a house just off the town centre - it's surprisingly quiet considering how close we are to restaurants, bars and clubs.

For the last couple of weeks, any time between 10pm and 3am, there have been a couple arguing in the street, her shrieking at him to FAAAACK OFF and then running after him screaming COME BAAAAAAACK. It sounds as though she chases him round the block at least twice before peeling off to whatever flat they live in (there's a block roughly where the shouting usually starts and finishes by the sounds of it).

He has usually got a far quieter voice - still too fucking loud at 2am, but it doesn't reverberate off the houses like hers does - and he's cross but usually doesn't shout.

Anyhow, she's been chasing him round the block for the last hour. Apparently, she was 'just having fun', he 'doesn't want her to have any fun', she was 'just having a laugh'. He's saying, getting progressively more annoyed by the sound of it, that he 'wants five minutes peace' and she needs to stop 'shouting at him for a change' or 'maybe don't get fucking pissed every night, then'.

Seriously, this is disrupting most nights in the week and now it's disrupting the day.

I wish they would just break up. They're both clearly miserable as sin. Whether she is, as it appears, a total pisshead and sees shrieking at full volume as an effective tool for communication or he's actually an adept gaslighter and stonewaller, it's obviously a shit relationship. And she is going to break an ankle trotting round the block after him at the speed she goes - you get a full on doppler effect from her screams, especially when it's YOU CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT.

I'd love to pop my head out of the front door and suggest that on the next circuit, but obviously that would be near suicidal.

But I'm not daft, am I? If you're that fucking unhappy, surely you just give it up as a bad job?

If I weren't a kind and lovely person who sees the best in everyone, I might be tempted to surreptitiously start adding some obstacles of varying difficulty to the circuit to make it a bit more interesting.

It does sound quite entertaining

I think they enjoy the drama/ performance.

I’d be tempted to bellow SHUT UUUUUUP next time. I’ve gone outside and given loud talkers the Hard Stare more than once.

Isn't this classified as disturbing the peace? Breach of the peace?

After adding some obstacles (lol @GingleJangleScarecrow) you could - if this is really disrupting your sleep - complain to the police. If it's bad enough to wake you up I expect there's quite a few people in the same situation. A knock at the door / the arrival of a police car may make the two of them think twice about their nightly and antisocial antics in the future.

What do you reckon then?

Set up a few jumps here and there? Couple of haybales?

Maybe some monkey bars to cross the road between Number 2a and the takeaway?

We could sit in judgement upstairs and score her on how effectively she performs each jump, giving 4 faults for each time she screeches whilst both feet are touching the ground?

Maybe even set up a little treehouse up a telegraph pole for him to hide in so she has a treasure hunt circuit?

Can you not just shout "shut the fuck up" when they start ?
I am past caring if I look classy or not.

Nah. I've sung professionally, so if I start shouting, I'll wake up the few remaining locals blissfully asleep if that's actually possible. The last thing they need is COME BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCKKKKK YOU CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT accompanied by something vaguely resembling The Ride of the Valkyries or the end of It Ain't Half Hot, Mum

I'm wondering if they are my old neighbours! They finally moved out 3 weeks ago, we'd had many lovely nights of listening to them, police called several times by various neighbours but nothing changed.

YANBU, I couldn’t live like that, but I think some people thrive on drama and conflict, and confuse aggression for passion.

Next time there’s a frost, throw a bucket of water down. And ball bearings.

Presumably they like the drama.

I should think that this is something you can sensibly ring the police about. However, it’s likely to be relatively low priority so the police are unlikely to arrive before they finish.

They sound like our old neighbours, whose award-winning 2am line was '...and then you'll die and I'll be grateful!' They were evicted for not paying their rent and had to live on separate friends' sofas for a while, which we thought might do them good. A few years on, they're married. I gather their relationship had not been fundamentally changed by this.

I think that the noise is such that involving the council or police is reasonable.

Alternatively can you draw up some posters and place them on their route - things like "does this relationship seem like a healthy one?", "please seek some relationship counselling", or more direct "shut up there are people trying to sleep", so that as she totters around the newly erected obstacle course her attention might be drawn to the messages??

Play the Eastenders music. Or Benny Hill.

I love the way people like this cant just row in their own place. I reckon they love the drama.
Bucket of water for an ice rink...then you can bet on who s left standing after the obstacle circuit

If it isn't cold enough for the ice rink, I think the I'm a Celeb Cyclone course is available at the moment

@MitziK get a super soaker! Hide behind the curtains and let rip when she runs past.. that will give her something to shriek about 😂😂 I do like your old school gladiator style gauntlet idea though 😂

People are always saying that they LOL but I very seldom do. But this thread genuinely made me shout with laughter. As I'm ill and feeling gloomy I'm very grateful. So thank you very much.

My pleasure, @Prawnofthepatriarchy.

I could see whether they want to change up their exercise routine if you like?

[nips out to put fake streetname signs and arrows up to redirect them towards Prawnie's gaff].

Thanks for the offer but I live in a conservation area so they'd have to change into picturesque historical costume as they come round the corner and I simply haven't the energy to put the hamper out.

If it were summer I'd send the attack gecko out but he doesn't like the cold weather.