To be furious I can’t complain about this woman!

[Velvetbloomers]

really want to post the full details to this but from the outset the reason I won’t is it’ll be very outing.

I posted about something I’m particularly annoyed about on a closed social media forum last week, nothing outrageous or to do with the election 😅, it was asking for some support and for some joined up thinking on tackling it .

Anyway out of the replies one was a tad ‘shirty’, can’t say too much (sorry) but they’d not read the post properly it looked like and had misinterpreted it and was also clearly trying to put me back in my box - based on having not read the post properly. A quick snoop revealed she doesn’t live in the area, no children at school here etc. I explained that sorry but that’s not what it’s regarding and thought that would be that. However she kept arguing the toss and again trying to put me back in my box, I know I should have left it but it’s something I feel quite passionate about and affects my children. So I explained again, but she was doing the thing you see on here where people try and be snooty and misquote to gain the upper hand and again put me back in my box. Worst thing was she has no vested interest in what I was posting about. And given her background I felt she was being quite elitist. I have worked in PR previously so I recognise this well worn MO from certain women like this, and I’m pretty thick skinned.

However it really upset as it seemed like she was deliberately poking. I felt really under attack and just couldn’t understand why she was continuing to have a go, I also must add I don’t know her from Adam.

Anyway further looking revealed two things. She’s a bloody councillor for the council of a neighbouring village - still didn’t understand why she had such a problem with it. This infuriated me as it seemed so, so unprofessional for someone in that position, nearly a week on and I still can’t believe how she was carrying on in a relatively public place given her position. Nothing would have satisfied me more to complain about her conduct, and attitude on the subject given her position.

Se one thing though she is a very good friend of a good (but relatively new a couple of years) friend of mine! I really can’t do anything can I?!? Also mortified if this friend were to find out I’ve been arguing with someone on social media 😂. Even if I was in the right! Pretty surprised they’re friends with such a woman if I’m honest!

[Interestedwoman]

'when you added in her position and couple of other things into the context it put a slightly different slant on it, that she fully understood but was being an elitist cow.'

Being a councillor doesn't make anyone part of an elite or anything. My mum was one. You can (in theory!) be a councillor and come from any background.

[9ofpentangles]

I know the type, quoting you out of context and twisting what you say. Happens on here, too.

However, she was probably making more of a prat of herself than you realise.

Also, if you have a good mutual friend, maybe you don't have as much in common as you think.

I remember arguing with someone who was really racist and thick and he ended up personally insulted me. My response was a simple, oh ok and that shut him up

[Italiangreyhound]

Velvetbloomers it may be that continuing this argument would be something she would enjoy! So it may be that the best way to get back at her for her 'rudeness', or whatever (and definitely the best way for you to disengage) is to delete the thread. Her mean comments can go then and you can get back to normal life. That's mu advice.

[wellthatwasthat]

In my experience, local councillors go out of their way to deliberately misunderstand and misconstrue what other people say. It is their way of getting what they believe to be the upper hand.

[donquixotedelamancha]

It's all about the context, you'll have to trust me sorry.

It is indeed. Since we have none, I think we should just fill in the blanks ourselves until someone gets it right:

YABU. Saying you should not teach your child to read solely using the Daily Star is not elitist.

[nowahousewife]

Just step away from the crazy. Live your life in the real world.

[Velvetbloomers]

@donquixotedelamancha sorry I've not explained it very well, I thought she'd simply not read the full post/got confused, so explained it more and referred her back but then she kept going and misquoting me - see above. The whole thing was bizarre, I couldn't work out why she was having a go, that's why I had a snoop (and come on anyone that says they wouldn't is telling fibs). And I was like ok that's where you were coming from on your first post, I see now.

She'd clearly also realised that implying something was acceptable for the poor kids in the next village who can't pay for a specific privilege probably wasn't the best thing to imply in her postion so kept having a go and twisting what I was saying, which really wasn't all that exciting in the grand scheme of things.

[donquixotedelamancha]

YANBU. This woman as insensitive to say that anyone who earns less than £20,000pa should be deported and I would contact the papers rather than complain.

[LolaSmiles]

Making elitist comments is not just disagreeing. If she has snobby, extreme views then people should know about it.
It depends on the comment and also how far other people are seeking to be offended.

For example the OP mentions schools.
These "elitist" comments could be any of the following, to invent a selection:

1. State school students are thick oiks who need to accept they aren't going to amount to anything in life
   
2. Private schools are better than state because...
   
3. School X is better than School Y (both state)
   
4. Opinions about exam boards and qualifications offered by schools
   
5. Comments about which schools get more students to top universities
   
6. An opinion on the charitable status of independent schools and their taxes
   

Some are rude, others are statements of opinion. None really require reporting because someone didn't like the view and took offence.

Plus, we have to consider whether the sort of person who argues online, then snoops on a stranger on social media who they've disagreed with, then wants to raise a complaint offline and is still stewing way after the event might just be a bit of a drama llama about things.

[Velvetbloomers]

@Moondust001 it wasn't a blinking difference of opinion I've said that a few times.

[donquixotedelamancha]

implying something was acceptable for the poor kids in the next village who can't pay for a specific privilege

Aww. I was really hoping you'd let this run, I love these threads where we just make stuff up :-)

FWIW I assumed you were being broadly accurate that she was being unreasonable and beligerant- it doesn't change the fact that complaining to her day job would be bonkers.

If what she'd said was so egregious that it was obviously indefensible ('wasn't Hitler brilliant', sort of thing) then I think YWNBU to screenshot and send to the papers, but it doesn't sound like that.

[TitianaTitsling]

This woman as insensitive to say that anyone who earns less than £20,000pa should be deported and I would contact the papers rather than complain. Did she say that?! Where?

[Velvetbloomers]

Sorry to disappoint @donquixotedelamancha

No it obviously wasn't! And I'm not going to go to the papers, obviously but it's such a nasty snobby stance to take anyhow but especially for a local councillor.

[MilleniumHallsWalledGarden]

But who says local elect councillors can't also be nasty snobs? Seems to me that yabu, and a bit daft to still be on about a week later.

[Brimful]

There are nasty snobby people everywhere, in all walks of life, OP. Best not interact with them at all; give them no fuel and there won't be any fire.

[Velvetbloomers]

@LolaSmiles the reason I had a snoop was because she was being so utterly odd and argumentative about something there wasn't really anything to argue about, I thought there was more to this than meets the eye. I wondered if I maybe knew her from way back and that's why she was having a go.

[MamaFlintstone]

YABU to still be furious a week later.

If she’s posting things publicly then she’s displaying her views and is an elected official elected by voters in her ward despite (or perhaps because of) those views. The only reporting to be done is if she’s broken the council’s code of conduct for members but sounding a bit elitist seems unlikely to do that.

[PlanDeRaccordement]

Plus, we have to consider whether the sort of person who argues online, then snoops on a stranger on social media who they've disagreed with, then wants to raise a complaint offline and is still stewing way after the event might just be a bit of a drama llama about things.

Yes Lola that is my thought too. It is very unbalanced.

[Crafting1Queen]

[WaxOnFeckOff]

As a long time barer of grudges, I wouldn't do anything at the moment. Screen shot the posts, delete them and then park it for now. Your opportunity to drop her in the shite will arrive and she wont see it coming and she wont know where it's come from as she probably does this to someone every week.

[BoneyBackJefferson]

Velvetbloomers

the reason I had a snoop was because

You didn't have to do anything, you chose to.

And the more you post the worse you sound.

[BillHadersNewWife]

Could you have said "Put me back in my box" any more??

[LolaSmiles]

OP
That still seems an odd reaction to what is essentially an online disagreement.
I don't understand why anyone would think "this person doesn't agree with me but I don't know them Adam... There must be something more to this. I'll just snoop because I don't think I know them but maybe I do and they have a grudge".

It still sounds like you're seeking drama. You've been quite happy to engage in online discussion but then want to report someone to their day job for disagreeing with you.

[cherish123]

Difficult to comment as don't know what the you said or she said.

[cherish123]

Not the