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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Christmas dinner

25 replies

user1485851222 · 14/12/2019 17:41

My husband has 2 elderly relatives, (not married to each other), who may end up spending Christmas day on their own, neither have partners or children. I'm torn do we invite them, neither are that much fun to be around and ruin our Christmas. Or do we not invite them. As a couple we are always the ones, that are called upon, when assistance is required. They never get in touch unless they need/want something off us. Other relatives duck out, so aren't called upon. Was always accommodating in the past, but we are now fed up of being used. Torn head says have Christmas on our own, heart is saying invite them... what do you think?

OP posts:

Andysbestadventure · 14/12/2019 17:42

Have it on your own

Confusedbeetle · 14/12/2019 17:43

Its entirely up to you. I am selfish so for me I would do it to get a feel good for doing something nice!

Shoxfordian · 14/12/2019 17:44

Don't invite them

Finfintytint · 14/12/2019 17:44

Can you briefly visit them and spread a little Christmas cheer and then get back home for your celebration?

Pilipilihoho · 14/12/2019 17:45

Depends how decent a human being you are really - and how they "ruin (your) Christmas", of course.

LateMumma · 14/12/2019 17:46

Go with your heart. Can you limit it to a few hours
perhaps?

Ithinkwerealonenowtiffany · 14/12/2019 17:50

Do not invite them. Once you start it will be yours forever. We inherited a relative for Christmas after MIL died and its not pleasant.

Seriously, dont,

AlwaysCheddar · 14/12/2019 17:50

Have it in your own.

VictoriaBun · 14/12/2019 17:51

Can you pick them up at 11, lunch just after 1pm and aim to have them home for 3ish with some turkey sandwiches and a piece of Christmas cake , the excuse of having a drink and being able to get them home safely.

RobinBlues · 14/12/2019 17:54

Say you're going away for Christmas, one of the others will have to have them.

CactusPat · 14/12/2019 17:59

I’d be tempted to do some kind of festive period pub lunch or similar with them - can’t be made to feel guilty about not seeing them but also escape setting a Christmas Day precedent.

Fcukthisshit · 14/12/2019 18:00

Could you put them in touch to spend Christmas with each other?

kinsss · 14/12/2019 18:07

Leave the guilt to others in the family.

If the guests add nothing to the day, best they enjoy it in their own way. Bet they fkn hate Christmas anyway and are happy on their own.

TechnicalSergeantGarp · 14/12/2019 18:16

If the guests add nothing to the day, best they enjoy it in their own way. This all day long.

We have someone over that doesn't enjoy what we do (totally fair enough). Their own family are lousy for leaving him out every fecking year. They have many siblings and nieces and nephews.

TheHeathenOfSuburbia · 14/12/2019 18:17

Could you get together with other relatives and arrange a schedule so you only have to have them every few years?

BlueSuffragette · 14/12/2019 18:19

Have Christmas day on your own and invite them for a buffet on Boxing day. Can they get a taxi home so you can have a few glasses of wine?

Babybel90 · 14/12/2019 18:23

It’s ok to be selfish sometimes, they won’t instantaneously combust if you don’t have them over for Christmas and it sounds like you keep in touch with them the rest of the year. Do they not have friends or other relatives that will have them or are they waiting for your invitation?

Rumnraisin · 14/12/2019 18:25

Be one of the relatives that ducks out - then one of the duckers will have to step up!

cstaff · 14/12/2019 18:40

If you don't give in like you usually do, then one of the others will hopefully develop a conscience and invite them over. And like a pp said you should make up a Rota and agree to take them every 2 or 3 years or whatever.

cptartapp · 14/12/2019 18:41

Don't invite. And don't jump in future when 'assistance is required'. That's what older people 'save all their lives for' for isn't it, to buy in help when needed?
Break away slowly. Their wants don't trump yours.

Whattodoabout · 14/12/2019 18:42

Don’t invite, why bother ruining your Christmas?

simplekindoflife · 14/12/2019 18:44

Pub lunch on Christmas eve or Boxing Day, so you can all leave when you want. Christmas Day to yourselves.

hazell42 · 14/12/2019 18:46

What makes you think they want to come?
Granted they're on their own, but me and my siblings have been inviting my father for 15 years. He always says no.
He likes it on his own, well, as much as he likes anything.
So, all your angst may be for nothing

VestaTilley · 14/12/2019 20:59

If they're nearby could you drop them off a gift and a plate of dinner and sit with them while they eat it for company? Then head home.

Otherwise, if they're not actively unpleasant people could you just invite them to yours for lunch? I hate to think of people on their own - but if they're actively nasty/unkind then no, you and your family don't have to put up with that.

Original poster

user1485851222 · 15/12/2019 17:45

My heart says invite then, as I don't like them on their own. But they are hard work conversation wise, would have to collect and drop back, they won't get taxi. All their other nieces have stepped away. We only see them a couple of times a year, funerals, hospital appointments etc....hubby is adamant we have it without them (& they are his relatives).

OP posts:

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