I posted this in the Dementia section but got no replies, I just need a little perspective and maybe help from people who have been there.
I am just at the end of my tether with my Dad, I am at a loss what to do next.
Long story as short as I can make it.
Mum has Motor Neurone Disease, can no longer talk, eat, is tube fed, is slowly losing her mobility, I’m carer for both for the moment.
Since August he has fallen over 5 times doing quite a bit of damage, broke 3 bones in his neck falling over a wall, brace for 3 months, ripped the skin off his hands and knees twice, knocked himself unconscious twice, both times ended up in an ambulance to A&E. Then a dozen or so little tumbles/stumbles, little damage.
He drinks, he says he doesn’t but we know he does, his decision but alcohol is the cause of most of his accidents. He also has type 2 diabetes, eats terribly, 2/3 packets of sweets a day, breakfast at 10/10:30 (that’s mums carers fault, they come in 3 times a day to feed mum so I get a bit of time out, they make him feel like he is always in their way, totally lovely carers (in the main) nothing could be further from the truth) he skips lunch and has a ready meal for his dinner. (Slightly off track but pertinent I think - He's a meat, potatoes and two veg, cooked to a mush man, lots of gravy/sauce, I like rice and grains, almost raw veg and don’t eat a lot of meat. On the occasions when I have something that he might eat, I will cook for us both but there is never a ‘thank you, that was nice’ it’s always ‘it was ok I guess, filled a hole.) so he is always unsteady on his feet and stumbling.
Today I just don’t want to have any more to do with him, he is a spiteful drunk and I just cannot put up with the way he talks to me. He went out to ’take the dog around the block’ (go to the pub and have a couple of whiskeys after the half a pint he drank at home (he hasn’t had a drink since last Friday when he fell, knocked himself out and cut his temple and eye, went to A&E in an ambulance.)) He fell again, grazed his shins, pee’d himself and was brought home by a couple of strangers, told me he hadn’t been drinking but I know he had, saw him pouring the drink at home and our neighbour saw him in the pub and pulled in as dad was escorted home. I said that I knew he had and that I wasn’t stupid, he told me that I am too fucking stupid to be his daughter and now I just want nothing more to do with him. Tomorrow he is not going to remember any of it, he’ll want us to go back to normal but I can’t. I have to be at their house from 9:30am until 10pm when the night carer comes in for mum. I can get away for an hour at lunch when mum’s carer comes to feed her and I have booked tomorrow’s night carer to come in at 7pm to take over from me at a cost of £50 which I can’t really afford as I cannot work but I need some time away from him.
I after that ramble, my question is, how do you deal with a dementia patient who hates you?