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AIBU?

AIBU fear about losing 5 year old

5 replies

Lovebeingmama · 14/12/2019 08:00

Hi,
After 3 years of fertility treatment I was blessed with a child. I did about 5 pregnancy tests before I’d let myself believe I was pregnant. Despite a great pregnancy I was worried about miscarriage throughout. I’ve never had a miscarriage before just failed to get pregnant. So wasn’t scared of history repeating itself.
However, that fear of losing him is still with me. I stop these feelings affecting him, he’s very independent and outgoing.
If we walk through a park and I’m alone with him I’ll try and go in a different direction if I see a man approaching. Just in case. My mind spins when he goes out with my husband in the car. When we go to a show with him, I scan round the room to check where the emergency exits are. AIBU? Is this normalish. Do I need help?
How do you feel?

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Am I being unreasonable?

AIBU

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milkjetmum · 14/12/2019 08:08

It is normal to feel anxious about 5 years old running off, but what you describe is a little more than that. I would suggest speaking to your GP about anxiety or OCD. I say OCD as I have had issues with that and he conundrum is than none of us can promise 100% that a man in the park will not hurt your child, so that ffeds the compulsions. But we can see that it is so rare it is not something we worry about.

Using another example, gas leaks and explosions do happen in residential areas with tragic consequences from time to time. But you probably don't worry as much about that despite it being about as likely to happen to you as a stranger attack I. The park in the day time. So really your anxiety is not about true risk levels but about the emotional significance of the thing you find frightening.

Medication and CBT therapy was life changing for me, and I would recommend it. Take care Flowers

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sweetsaltypopcorn · 14/12/2019 08:11

My daughter was conceived via ICSI and I feel exactly the same. She is only 6 weeks old though and I have been to my GP about my constant anxiety and been referred to the perinatal mental health team.
Make an appointment with your GP too because this sounds like extreme anxiety if it's been ongoing for 5 years. Flowers

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Lovebeingmama · 14/12/2019 08:14

Thanks for the responses. You’re right, it’s any amount of risk, no matter how small. I convince myself that he might be taken away from me. I’ll speak to the GP. Thanks x

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littlecabbage · 14/12/2019 08:19

Hi Lovebeingmama, just to add to other responses. I think we all worry about worst case scenarios from time to time, but your anxiety does sound worse than that. Like another PP said, you cannot eliminate ALL risk, and you need some help and support to learn to accept that, so that you can enjoy your life with your child.

I hope your GP is helpful in getting you that support. All the best Flowers

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CuckooSings · 14/12/2019 08:27

YANBU but I would recommend seeking help. My eldest nearly died when she was 3 months old and I lived in fear for 10 years before finally breaking down. It's a form of anxiety and incredibly tiring. I am now on anti anxiety meds and after therapy am much more relaxed. Interestingly I thought I had hidden it from dd1 but it has affected her - she feels unsafe away from me for example and freaks out in public places if she can't see me. We are building up to her going out with her mates on her own.

What you are feeling is a very normal reaction but there is help.

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