To think that this could ever work out as a new relationship?

[User1oo]

My friend and I are both married to other people. I have a lot of strong feelings for him: emotionally, sexually, friendship, desire, love, call it what you will.

He is a very loyal person and would never in a million years cheat. I have never cheated and would never want to. I think even telling him how I feel about him would be regarded by him as a betrayal, which I would understand.

My husband and I have had a difficult relationship. We tried counselling and it is still not really great.

AIBU to think that my husband and I could split, and that maybe my friend and his wife will split and that we can be together, but without ever discussing this with each other?

It seems so unlikely to work.

I’m curious to know if anyone else has done this? I want to do things the right way. I don’t want to hurt anyone.

Does this stand a chance?

No I don't think it stands a chance. It's always fun imagining these scenarios in your head but when your both getting backlash from your respective families (and rightly so) it won't be the love story you think it is then.

Go ahead and break up with your husband if you are truly unhappy. Life is short and both you and him should all try for happiness. Do not rely on your love interest to do the same. You need to act independently and trust he feels as strongly as you do.

Oh I've read this again and realised that your love interest isn't even interested in you.

OP come on... split up with your husband and let him go and find someone who actually wants to be with him.

Oh christ, OP. Here we go again.

My friend hasn’t said how he feels. I feel a tenderness and a chemistry between us but I can’t say for sure.

Not another star crossed lovers thread.
Do you want to tell us about how you know he is just dieing of love for you by the odd glance across the office/ school playground.

Grow up and if you are not happy leave your husband and find someone else who is not already married to be with.

He's devoted to his wife, no marital problems, and no real evidence of a connection with you.

I'm afraid you're getting a bit carried away.

They are also having problems. He’s not devoted to her.

I just think you have a soft spot for him, yes there probably is chemistry if you feel it, but you are a very long way off any relationship with him and changing partners, and there would be significant ramifications if you did.

Sometimes we encounter people who in a parallel universe we might have been close to. Recognition of this, though, is often minimal, if not silent. It's not something that would ever be acted on. But it's something nice, a vote of confidence from another person, which can boost you. A little bit of good energy for you.

From what you've said, I suspect this is the type of connection you have, and this is how you should see it.

So you want him to telepathically know that he should end his marriage despite having no idea that you fancy him and the only evidence you have for any of the above happening is that you have a “tenderness” about your friendship.

Can’t wait for the wedding I’ll buy a hat.

Isn't it EXHAUSTING to live in a constant state of dramatic mooning? Honestly, grow up.

You need to focus on the difficulties in your marriage. Are they fixable? Possibly, but not while you are obsessing over another man.

You should only consider ending your marriage if you'd genuinely be happier on your own. Don't end it in the belief you'll walk straight out of the marriage into your friend's arms, because it won't happen, and if the marriage was fundamentally OK you'll regret it when you are on your own and your friend is still contentedly, if not deliriously, happy in his own relationship.

It's an awful thing (I have been there!) that we do to ourselves - we imagine our own feelings for someone are so strong that they can't possibly not be reciprocated. Then we construct all kinds of elaborate narratives to explain why the object of our affections hasn't made a move, and go on thinking that he is secretly yearning but can't say so for x, y, and z reason.

Put bluntly, it's bollocks. 99.9% of times, if a man is interested, he will make it very obvious by saying so or making a pass. Anything else, and 'he's just not that into you'. And even a man making a pass at you isn't the same thing at all as a man being prepared to leave his marriage for you.

So decide whether your marriage is repairable and move forward accordingly, but don't make your friend any part of your plans.