To be totally paranoid about my pregnancy?

[lostandconfused2]

I have almost died twice. Once when I got super sick from pneumonia and my lung collapsed and I was in ICU for two weeks with a chest drain taking three litres of fluids out of my lungs, and the second time my large intestine perforated and I had to have the entire thing removed, and over the space of 10 months had three major abdominal surgeries. Due to these abdominal surgeries I was told I would likely need IVF to conceive, but four years later I got pregnant without trying. I'm now 21 + 3 weeks pregnant and I am so paranoid and terrified that something is going to go wrong.

I'm really struggling with this pregnancy. I don't eat amazingly well like other mums, I had bad morning sickness up until 16 weeks, I'm overweight (had I been trying I would've lost it) and due to my surgeries I'm classed as high risk and will need a C-Section.

I panic at every little thing, I feel cramps more intensely because my scar tissue is constantly stretching and it can be agony, I'm yet to feel any movement because I have an anterior placenta, and I find myself getting scared even to go to the toilet in case I look and there's blood. I spent the first trimester panicking about miscarriage and now I am terrified of pre-term labour. I've seen posts on here recently about really early labour and babies not making it and it is heartbreaking and selfishly makes me so anxious.

I'm so used to being unlucky with my health, I've always struggled since my bowel removal as I have inflammatory bowel disease, that I can't quite believe everything has been going okay so far and I'm waiting for the world to play a sick joke on me and for something to wrong either before the baby is viable or afterwards. I'm just panicking constantly, I book a private scan every two weeks just for peace of mind which is costing me lots of money.

I had bad cramping last night and backache that had gone on for two days, and I was panicking about labour so I called my midwife and she sent me down to the labour ward. Baby sounded fine and my tummy was soft and my cervix was closed so they weren't worried and I'd had no spotting or waters breaking or anything like that. But they said my cervix is high - I'm not sure if that matters? They said they can see a LOT of scar tissue around it.

I've spoken to my midwife about my anxiety but nothing has been done as of yet, and I don't know where else to turn to.

Am I being really silly panicking about all of this? What are the chances of something terrible happening? How can I get help?

Thank you x

See your GP and request referral to Perinatal Mental Health services. Antenatal anxiety is a specific thing and, as you know, not at all fun.

Anxiety is hellish. I'm 7 weeks pregnant with my second. All throughout my first pregnancy I lived in fear of something happening to my little peanut, and when she arrived it switched to being fiercely protective and panicking something would happen if I left her for 5 mins, if I missed something etc. etc.

The truth is from the minute you start to care about what happens to your little peanut you will always feel a little like this. BUT the important thing is to learn to manage those feelings, learn coping strategies and understand this is the price of the intense deep love of a mother. It's beautiful but so scary. You cannot exist on high alert 24/7 and you have to quell the anxiety with different thoughts of how important it is to have adequate rest, to keep your stress levels low and get adequate nutrition for your growing baby. If you feel the anxiousness welling up try to imagine the best that things could turn out instead of allowing your mind to go to the worst, little fantasies of your first cuddle, the smell of their hair, their first feed etc.

I had severe hyperemesis from 8 weeks to 33 weeks (being sick 15 times a day on average) so feel your pain, I lost so much weight it was horrific and I'm worrying about it happening again. Trying to just wait and see, I know what anti sickness to ask for now, I know lemonade helps, I know to eat ready salted crisps as it works for me. We can both do this and look after ourselves for our little peanuts .

I found the best help was other mums, they will catch you and will probably each have little tips you can try as everyone is different.

That sounds like a lot to deal with :(

I'd definitely keep mentioning maternal anxiety which they should be able to help with. I would Express my concern to them that your antenatal health could also affect your postnatal mental health, so definitely keep raising it.

FYI a high cervix is a good sign, as you go into labour it will soften and "efface" which I believe is the opposite of it being high. If it's high and far back it means your cervix is not preparing for labour yet :)

Thank you everyone for your kind words, it really helps knowing I'm not alone