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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to quit?

4 replies

ChristmasShimmer · 13/12/2019 21:30

I am a 1:1 TA and I work in a class with job sharing teachers.
One of the teachers is leaving at the end of this term and today we were told who will be replacing them.
I know the new teacher on a personal level, I don’t like them. I find them rude and ignorant.
I appreciate that I will be in a working environment with them and they should be professional but I have a pit of dread feeling in my stomach.
So not to drip feed, I am not keen on the teacher that is staying as she is incredibly rude and speaks to us TAs as if we are children.
Also I suffer with anxiety, have done for 20+ years (am diagnosed with it), I had been doing amazingly well at keeping on top of it until I started working in this class in September.
So WIBU to hand my notice in on Monday without even giving the new teacher a chance?

OP posts:
PomBearWithAnOFRS · 13/12/2019 21:43

Nope, yanbu. If you won't suffer financially, and can afford to give up, hand in your notice. Life is way too short to be miserable and stressed at work when you don't have to be.

ChristmasShimmer · 13/12/2019 21:50

Thank you, I worry that I’m overthinking and overreacting.
I have a casual job that I can do extra hours at until I find another job.
DH has said he will support me in whatever I decide, financially we are fine with his salary but I like working and having extra money for holidays and stuff

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sammybins · 13/12/2019 22:07

I think you WBU.

Interesting that you're describing both of them as 'rude' (both the remainer and the newcomer). What does that mean, exactly? Do you think they're rude because you're too passive, or are you worried about things changing and them teaming up and overpowering you with their rudeness?

How do you deal with rudeness in the kids you're assisting? Are you boundary focused and assertive? I imagine you are. And the skills are the same, surely?

Fight or flight, this, maybe? Maybe I seem basic, here, but... are you catastrophizing here? You're imagining the worst, telling yourself it's going to be ghastly, wondering how you will cope? Then that might just be the anxiety. Don't let the anxiety drive you out of a job, unless you don't really want to be there anyway and you're looking for an excuse?

Running away is a viable option, of course, not trying to judge you with what I'm saying here, but, maybe, you could look at it as a chance to develop some further skills. You can challenge rudeness, you know. It's okay to do that. It's okay to give them your opinion, too: just because your in a subordinate role doesn't mean you're a lesser human being. You also have rights, and so if you find a colleague is a total PITA due to them being overly condescending, you can raise that as a grievance. You're not powerless unless you let yourself be.

However... instead of dreading this new person coming along, you could look forward to it. You could make a big fuss of them when they get there. Love-bomb them. Make them a cake, buy them a 'welcome to the office' mug. That kind of thing. Be bright, and sunny, and let all their bullshit be irrelevant because you're a professional?

Fair enough, if you really don't think you can handle it, but... well... you don't know until you try, do you? Give it a crack, see what happens...

ChristmasShimmer · 13/12/2019 23:19

You have written down everything that is going through my head.
Fight or flight, flight is winning right now.
I have worked so hard over the past 10 years to get on top of my anxiety, I have made sure that I challenge behaviours that I don’t like, I am not a passive person and definitely try to stand up for myself by being calm, reasonable but assertive. It takes a lot of effort but it is working.
The children I work with are infant aged so rudeness is minimal, if a child is rude I sit down and chat with them about why it was rude and how they could do things differently.
Teacher that is already there is rude in the way she speaks to all TAs, she talks down to us and is condescending.
New teacher is rude in her behaviour, it’s things like ignoring you if you speak to her and barging past you, things like that. I have known her for 7 years and she has always been the same, if she is like this with us in class it will be a very uncomfortable working environment
I am always sunny and bright, it is my mask.
I really love my job especially enjoy working with my current child so am going to think very carefully over the weekend about what to do.

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