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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU in being so angry at my dad

14 replies

HairsprayBabe · 13/12/2019 19:59

I'll try to keep this as short as possible without drip feeding.

I'm 7+5 weeks with my second pregnancy first one ended in a MC nearly 10 years ago. I have had bad HG from about 4weeks and ended up in hospital earlier this week for rehydration. The only people who know I am pregnant are my parents, my DHs parents and my boss. My parents do not know about my previous loss.

My mother has also been sick on and off for the last 3 or so months with various issues and has had several hospital stays.

My husband arranged to go with my dad earlier this week and car share to the hospital to save on parking costs etc. My dad then told my husband he had told my gossipy aunt about my pregnancy. She then bombarded me with texts promising not to tell anyone and that she had a feeling ect etc. My dad texted me to say sorry, but it was brief.

I am so annoyed he opened his mouth and felt the need to tell my aunt. Firstly she is a gossip of the highest proportions and I would bet my life savings she has already started telling people and dropping not so subtle hints. Secondly I am having such a shit time with the HG that I was really looking forward to announcing the pregnancy to my wider family and creating a positive pregnancy memory.

This baby is the first grandchild and the first great-grandchild in the family on both sides so it would have been a really exciting moment and we weren't going to do a big Instagram style "announcement" we were just going to tell people all together on Christmas Day probably just after dinner.

I feel like my moment has been ruined and I was clinging onto it because I am feeling so miserable. My dad thinks I am overreacting, he texted me sorry he didn't think before he opened his mouth and I should get over it.

I am 27 I love my parents and we get on really well I would count them as friends these days but I feel like a bloody teenager being all like "Daaad you ruin everything you don't understand."

So AIBU in being angry with him for not thinking before he opened his mouth?

OP posts:
Neron · 13/12/2019 20:09

I'm sure he didn't do it on purpose. He's said sorry, and you're entitled to feel how you are of course, but what do you want from him? Nothing can change.
I suspect given your mother's poor health, this was something that excited/cheered him? Speak with your aunt and say to keep quiet, that way you can still do your big announcement.

literategiraffe · 13/12/2019 20:21

I can understand being annoyed with him but he has apologised and what's done is done now. He can't take it back. Does He do this kind of thing often? Or do you think it's an honest (but irritating) mistake?

Our parents and grandparents knew about my pregnancy early and while they didn't outright blab a few relatives mentioned that they thought my DM had something on her mind. I did still get to to a proper excited announcement tho and even ppl who had guessed were thrilled and it didn't take away from the excitement at all. My DD is the first of her generation on both sides too and trust me every tiny thing is a cause for excitement!

Original poster
HairsprayBabe · 13/12/2019 20:25

I know he just wasn't thinking I'm just miserable and hormonal and I don't think he understands why it has annoyed me so much, and I think that is even more annoying!

I know it can't be taken back and I won't be angry forever but I just feel like eurgh nothing ever goes to plan.

OP posts:
literategiraffe · 13/12/2019 20:34

Love a flounce myself and if ever there's a time to do them it's while pregnant! Seriously tho the first trimester is shitty and I wish you all the best for the months to come.

Yetanotherwinter · 13/12/2019 21:00

Feeling so crappy is probably making you a bit over sensitive. It’s totally understandable. I think men don’t always understand why you’d want to keep it quiet. It doesn’t sound like he did it on purpose. Try not to stress about it and concentrate on feeling as well as you can. Hope the sickness improves and good luck with pregnancy. 💐

Original poster
HairsprayBabe · 13/12/2019 22:08

Yes my poor dad, he just didn't engage his brain. Annoying deeply annoying but I won't excommunicate him just yet!

I will speak to auntie yikyak and try and make sure she keeps her mouth zipped and carry on as planned.

Thank you for all the well wishes I hope I feel better soon I don't imagine I'm particularly pleasant to live with right now...

OP posts:
Waveysnail · 13/12/2019 22:37

You ended up in hospital - wont wiser family question that anyway and be worried for you?

Waveysnail · 13/12/2019 22:37

Wider

Original poster
HairsprayBabe · 13/12/2019 22:39

They don't know I was there. It was an overnight stay and no-one except my parents DHs parents were told. I don't really see my wider family in the week anyway so not hearing from me wasn't unusual.

OP posts:
skyblu · 13/12/2019 23:18

Ok, so he shouldn’t have said anything....BUT...

  1. He doesn’t know about the first pregnancy so wouldn’t understand your need to keep it so quiet.
  2. He’s SUPER excited about this! First baby in the family. He’s going to be a grandad & he’s clearly elated!
  3. You & your mum in hospital....he’s worried! And alone.
  4. Things can very easily slip out...it wasnt that he necessarily went running to her with a big Ooo guess what!?!
  5. He apologised straight away!
  6. He didn’t put it in the newspaper, he let slip to ONE auntie.
  7. You have family around you that love & support you and are elated by your news and want to share your happiness!

Can’t you just let it go and be grateful that your dad is so happy and so respectful to you to apologise for his ‘mistake’? It was t done in malice....it was done from excitement.
You can still have your big ‘formal’ announcement moment. People will still be pleased and celebrate with you....it’s not like they’re all going to shrug and say “yeah, what’s new” !
Lighten up. Enjoy the moment and appreciate the family, the love & the support you’ve got.

skyblu · 13/12/2019 23:22

P.S. (I didn’t mean that last bit to sound stroppy....I meant it in a ‘huggy’ sort of way....it’ll all be fine OP, don’t sweat the small stuff Wink ) x

JoyceDivision · 13/12/2019 23:34

Ok, if auntie ends up blabbing the yes, she has robbed you of the joy of breaking good news and seeing people's reactions BUT it doesn't rob you of being surrounded by love and family.

Bit cheesy, and a bit drunk, but overall, you know which is more important.

Good luck with the pregnancy op, and maybe a sharp warning to auntie might do the trick to.kerp quiet Wink

HamAndPineapple · 13/12/2019 23:38

Yabu. He is bound to be asked. He is happy for you. Your aunt is excited for you. You are married, trying.... it is the question that would be unsaid even if nobody verbalised it.

BlankTimes · 13/12/2019 23:52

You know now.

There's only one thing to do from now on, don't tell him anything you don't want broadcast to Aunt Bigmouth. Sad

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