Birthdays without loved ones. Does it ever get better?

[ims0rrydarlin]

Posting for traffic, but how has losing a parent or someone close to you, impacted your birthdays?

I lost my mum at 24 and I turn 30 tomorrow.
I can’t really explain the feeling, but I feel ‘sad’ about hitting a milestone without the person who gave birth to me.

I’m not sure it ever gets easier to be honest. But I am sure your mum would have wanted you to enjoy your birthday. I struggle with this too, every special occasion just makes me miss my mum more and it’s not the same. Yet we must carry on. Have a happy birthday for tomorrow and raise a glass to your mum too

I lost my mum in August. Next week will be my first birthday without her and I'm dreading it. I don't think it will ever get easier, maybe we'll just become more accustomed to it.
Xx

I think you kind of just get used to it Hun
hugs

My Mum and Dad both died in 2017, I was 33, and pregnant with my daughter. 2 years on its easier but special occasions are not as 'happy' now. I feel really alone.

It really does get easier with time. My adult daughter died 12 years ago, I held her hand at the end. We've just been down to the cemetery with a Christmas display for the grave - where her ashes were buried with my mum. Next visit will be on their birthdays.

Not better, but different.

People reach accommodations with grief that are frequently unhelpfully labelled by others as "moving on" (sooo fucking annoying), coping, getting over it, etc.

What you feel is what you feel and you are not wrong. Ever.

I have felt little about my late DH's birthday, but was brought very low lately for weeks by a dream. Things change. There is no timetable.

Many OP.

I lost my mum last December. I'm missing her more than ever this Christmas even though its technically not the first without her; last Christmas is just a blur really.

I think it's natural to miss our closest loved ones on special occasions and though we are fortunate that we shared so many of them with us, those memories now feel bittersweet as they're not here anymore.

I do agree with PP though, I'm sure your mum wouldn't want you to be sad. Raise a glass to her and try and enjoy your day

I don't get such feelings about my birthdays, and I've had a lot, but I do feel, things relating to my grandchildren, they never knew their great grandparents and that does upset me, I often say to them Your great Grandma/Granddad would have loved that.
The one thing that I know is that I wouldn't like to think of my daughters or grandchildren being too invested in me after I'm gone and I think that most feel the same, so don't let your feelings destroy you, have a wonderful life and that's the greatest gift you could have given them.
God I feel morbid now.

My best friend died in a fire 7 years ago. She had a Christmas birthday and every year I miss her more, but at the same time it gets easier to live with. Like a missing limb, you start to adapt eventually.
Hugs to you all.

They are hard, my family are still around but don’t have anything to do with me, so a different situation. I don’t bother celebrating my birthday anymore.

OP I am sorry about your mum. I lost my mum when I was 20. I'm 32 now. Time makes it easier but significant birthdays will always be more poignant. I find ways of coping like going away for my birthday and as I've got older I have a group of friends who recognise the gap left by my family and they fill it for me. I've also learned not to fight the feeling. It's natural, it will pass and it doesn't need to control your birthday.

My mum died on my birthday. I was in my 50s and she’d been heading for it for a few days after a fall and head injury. What you are feeling is absolutely fine as people grieve how they grieve. It doesn’t affect my birthday celebrations or make me feel any different thought, to be honest. I don’t miss her any more or less on that day.

I miss my wife more on her birthday than mine. I found that keeping myself and the DC really busy on the day helps. Doesn't give us time to reflect. Do your best to enjoy the day.

For me it is now 7 years since my dad died. Both before and since his death I often spent my birthday on holiday as I have a summer birthday and so it has not changed.

I probably think more of this on his birthday and how old he would be were he still alive.

I don't think special occasions and milestones ever get easier. We lost my brother 10 years ago and for every birthday and special occasion - wedding, baby, christening - it's just one more thing that he didnt get to do and we didnt get to have with him.

That said, some things change. This Christmas will be our first with a baby and it does finally feel like christmas can be happy again and not just an awful reminder that one of us is missing.

I lost my Mam 6 years ago and my Dad this year so my birthday this year was the first time I had no living parents. It was awful. I missed my Mam on every birthday - she always tried to make it special - with a card and a present. I still had my Dad and he used to do the loveliest things too.
Now I have neither it is truly awful - it's not that I want presents or something. It's missing the thought of someone doing something special for you. I have no brothers and sisters and no partner or children.
What I did do this year was buy myself some books for my birthday so I had some escapism and something to open on the day but the loneliness of having neither parent was overwhelming.

I also feel the loss intensely on their birthdays too.I used to enjoy choosing things for them that they would like. I make a donation to a charity they both supported on their birthdays with the money I would have spent on them had been alive.

It will never stop hurting but you will get stronger and deal with it better.

No I don't think it gets easier. Dd and I had plans to go to New York for my 40th and her 25th.
She died at 23. My 40th birthday was awful really sad.
I also find Christmas hard now although I have put a brave face on for Dd2.

I’m 40 on Tuesday- my husband died when we were 38. I won’t be acknowledging the day.