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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ex DH Family using my home while I’m working

16 replies

DontThinkSoBro · 13/12/2019 08:14

Husband & I have recently separated, he’s been living at his dads. I work 4 days a week & he’s been out of work for 2 years! I also happen to be very heavily pregnant (not ideal!)

My DD age 3 needs collecting from nursery each afternoon so he’s been coming each day while I’m at work to collect her & stay with her while I’m at work. Turns out that his parents & siblings keep spending most of the day at my home while I’m working all day, they have all turned up here 3 times this week alone! AIBU to find this hugely invasive & to tell them they are not welcome? My ex & I have had quite a messy separation so far & I’ve not spoken to my in laws since due to their total lack of support, so to me they have a bloody cheek to be regularly using my home as their daytime hang out.

My ex said it’s because they want to see my DD, but why 3/4 times each week? They never saw her that often before!?!

The only reason I’ve found out about the last couple of times is because my DD has told me they have been here, my ex has then confirmed once I’ve asked him if this is true. Up until now I’ve not said anything, but having come in from a really shitty day at work & already dealing with major shit from my ex this morning it’s massively infuriated me to hear that yet again they have been here all day today.

I was going to send a message to my ex tomorrow to tell him that as of next week when I’m at work they are not welcome here anymore - AIBU?

OP posts:
TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre · 13/12/2019 08:20

Why doesn't he bring her to his parents', house? You are separating. He has moved out, so that means he can't come and go as he pleases. Separate your lives now.

Unless the house is his, and he is allowing you to stay there with your daughter?

Original poster
DontThinkSoBro · 13/12/2019 08:21

The property is owned by both of us, though he’s not worked for 2 years & drained our savings in the process so pretty much hasn’t contributed

OP posts:
TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre · 13/12/2019 08:22

What sort of a father is he? Is he capable of looking after her, or is he bringing the troops so that they mind her and he just hangs around in the background?

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 13/12/2019 08:22

Leave the hoover out and a note telling them to do some cleaning for you while they are there!

TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre · 13/12/2019 08:23

Get his key back from him and tell him he needs to make alternative arrangements.

Ijustwanttoretire · 13/12/2019 08:23

So tell him to take your daughter to his fathers house. I don't know how else you will be able to stop this - despite it being your right to do so.

Penners99 · 13/12/2019 08:32

Change the bloody locks!

Original poster
DontThinkSoBro · 13/12/2019 08:35

His dad lives on the other side of town so it’s a good 40 min drive without traffic, my ex doesn’t have a car & my DDs school is the road over from my place hence he brings her back here each day. TBH I’d much rather she’s in my place as it’s clean & has all her things here, his dads place is rented & is dingy

OP posts:
Jessbow · 13/12/2019 09:17

so presumably someone is driving him over each day.

What do you see as the long term solution?
if you need/want him to do it, he has to getthere somewhow, presumably the relative is the solution. How long does he have the child?

justilou1 · 13/12/2019 09:36

They are keeping tabs on you and basically stopping short of pissing on the walls like a Tom cat to mark their territory. I think you need to find a way to block their access to the house without changing the locks somehow.

MyOwnSummer · 13/12/2019 09:44

Oh crikey OP, this sounds awful. YANBU, these people are CF of the highest order.

It has to stop, now. Do you have any backup childcare options when the inevitable tantrum occurs?

carol045 · 13/12/2019 09:57

This reply has been deleted

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Hont1986 · 13/12/2019 10:19

Wasn't he the SAHP? Why has he been the one to move out?

Original poster
DontThinkSoBro · 13/12/2019 11:19

@hont1986 you can call it SAHP, where as in reality it was a grown man being a lazy selfish person for 2 years promising to get a job & continuing a very active social life including a boys holiday to Ibiza while I worked my arse off & have had to have a lot of time working away from my child to make ends meet & support the household.

OP posts:
TulipsTwoLips · 13/12/2019 11:19

I also think they are trying to mark their territory, whether it's your daughter or the house.

You need to put firm boundaries in place. Be prepared for this to turn into a fight. Good luck

TheJoxter · 13/12/2019 11:24

his dads place is rented that doesn’t make it automatically inferior Hmm but I agree that his family shouldn’t be spending the day in your house, it’s fine that he’s bringing her back to yours IF you’re happy with it and it works well, but if his family want to see her then it should be done elsewhere.

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