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To be so sad my neighbours are moving?

8 replies

Alittlebitfat25 · 12/12/2019 21:26

So, our neighbours have lived next door to us for 8.5 years since we moved here. They have been truly amazing, we've laughed together, they've helped with work on our house and when I experienced a domestically abusive relationship they kept an eye out on our house encase he turned up. Its a family of an older dad and his grown-up sons and they've just been a complete rock to us.
They've just put the house up for sale and I am devastated. I keep crying, I even have dreams of where the house has sold and they've gone. I don't have any friends and I don't cope well with change so they've been almost like a constant and a security blanket. We've even got a gate between our fences in the garden! When we had a fire in the house, they rushed in and put it out with their fire blanket and now their going to be gone.
I suffer with PTSD, anxiety and depression anyway and this has really messed me up. How do I cope with it please? I dread the day I come home and the for sale is covered with a sold sign. Also, please be kind, I need advice and reassurance.

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?


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Sandaled · 12/12/2019 21:30

YANBU, I really get on with the neighbours and I will be upset when they move, and a bit anxious about who will move in, and whether we will get along (I know you don't have to get along with your neighbours, but it's lovely if you do). Do you know why they are moving? Are they looking to stay fairly local? It will possibly take a while to sell, which might give you time to get your head around it. Whoever does buy it will likely be pleasant too, I think it's more the norm to have okay neighbours even if you aren't particularly close with them rather than nightmare ones. I know it's hard, but please don't make them feel bad about moving, even though it's understandable you are upset; ask them if they would like to keep in touch when they move.


YouRemindMeOfTheBabelfish · 12/12/2019 21:31

I can understand. There will be posters who come to tell you to stop being a snowflake/ idiot/ blah, but as someone who has suffered the same mental health issues it's not possible to switch off the feels. Sometimes it's better to let it out than try and hold it in.

I'm guessing you may also be anxious about who moves in. We went through this earlier this year, we were glad the neighbours moved out because they upset our entire block for a long time. We've been lucky, the adult and child who moved in are super quiet, you barely hear anything except when her phone alarm goes off early and the vibrating of it travels through from our ceiling. They certainly hear worse from our screaming 8yo.

No advice, just a distant, internet handhold.


Alittlebitfat25 · 12/12/2019 21:33

@sandaled thank you for your kind words. I definitely would never make them feel bad. Basically, his divorce has gone through and he has to sell the house to pay the settlement. It doesn't help I panic about someone breaking in etc (stupid I know) and just knowing they're next door makes it easier and I used to struggle when they went on holiday as they weren't there

OP posts:

LolaDabestest · 12/12/2019 23:42

You have become reliant on them..this will probably do you some good though it is sad but you can't and wouldn't have been able to have this "security blanket" forever it wouldn't be fair on either of you, try and motivate yourself to get to know more people etc easier said than done I know.


Sandaled · 12/12/2019 23:44

@Alittlebitfat25 do you get on well with your neighbour the other side? They might be able to offer some stability. It isn't stupid to feel that way, but I think whoever buys just having someone next door can often make you feel a bit more secure.


andpancakesforbreakfast · 12/12/2019 23:48

they are not neighbours, they are your very close friends.

Your new neighbours won't be close friends, not at the start, but they can be good neighbours too. Be friendly and helpful with them, but do not crowd them or overstep boundaries and scare them off.

you need to concentrate on other aspects of your life, with other friends.


flapjackfairy · 22/02/2020 16:55

@Alittlebitfat25 I am going through this myself. Our lovely neighbours who are good friends are moving soon. We have gone on holiday a few times and spent many happy times socialising over the last nearly 20 yrs. I will miss them so much and just feel sad all the time.
like you i massively struggle with change so it has hit me hard. We also have no drive so new neighbours always worries me on that score as well and I have convinced myself that we will have nightmare neighbours forcing us to move ourselves.
I am aware that I am losing perspective and will be better when they have gone now I think because I feel it is hanging over me.
So no real help to you but just to say you are not alone !


ShamefulBlanket · 22/02/2020 17:21

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