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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask what YOUR ltb behaviour is?

11 replies

Rachelle1980 · 12/12/2019 10:16

What behaviour do you have that, if your significant other posted about, would trigger a chorus of LTB?

Mine: I'm awful (stressed, cannot make decisions) in medical situations, stemming from being in a fairly horrific accident some years ago (diagnosed PTSD, am still in therapy after seeking help in 2017). DH has been failed quite a bit when I couldn't walk into the ward through having a panic attacks e.g. just after he came around from a general. Not ok.

OP posts:

GinDaddy · 12/12/2019 10:20

@Rachelle1980

Controversially I don't think anything you've posted is worthy of "LTB" - you should not be left just because you need time to recobver from something. PTSD can take years to recover from etc, and I don't know if you "failed" your DH - you couldn't help your reaction and more power to you hope you can recover so you can feel in control etc.

Not trying to derail your thread but I don't think anyone should say "LTB" to you for what you've experienced!

I think the kind of things that qualify for "LTB" would include things like

Person has cheated and hidden lots of things from other partner, then continues to deny etc and takes no responsibility

Controlling partner who uses financial, emotional or physical abuse

Belittling partner who hurts someone about an issue (weight, self esteem)

Someone refusing sexual intimacy for non-medical reasons, over a prolonged period of time, and not accepting that this could eventually cause damage to a relationship.

etc etc...

ohprettybaby · 12/12/2019 10:23

What? You think that having stress and PTSD, that you are having therapy for, would result in posters saying your partner should leave you for not being able to visit him after surgery? That would make those posters a bunch of bastards.

You have sought and are receiving help. Keep it up and hopefully you can recover. I wouldn't advise someone to ltb for that. Be kinder to yourself. You are trying your best to get over it.

FudgeBrownie2019 · 12/12/2019 10:46

I don't think I have any LTB behaviours; if I did I would hope that DH would value himself enough to have not tolerated that kind of nonsense.

I get on his nerves, he gets on mine. But LTB behaviour is violence, control, emotional abuse, cheating, anything that damages a person physically or emotionally. It's not leaving cups in the sink or forgetting to walk the dog three nights on the bounce.

You have been through a huge trauma and what you're experiencing isn't LTB behaviour. It's taking your mind and body time to heal, that's all. Be nicer to yourself.

WorraLiberty · 12/12/2019 10:48

This thread doesn't make sense.

Nothing in your OP would prompt people to say LTB

AFistfulofDolores1 · 12/12/2019 11:26

Why are you posting, OP? Are you being made to feel that your behaviours are unacceptable?

Ijustwanttoretire · 12/12/2019 11:31

This. God knows we both have annoying habits (sneezing that reaches 100dB anyone?) but not anything that suggests LTB. I hope.

Ginkypig · 12/12/2019 11:36

If this is about the other thread op then that was nothing at all like the scenario you have posted!

You are ill but you are trying to access help and I assume try very hard in between the examples you have just told us to treat him well and try not to use the ptsd as an excuse to treat him like crap. Which is a basic outline of how the other posters partner treats her!

Emeraldshamrock · 12/12/2019 11:41

None of what you mention.
Cheating, violence or gas lighting are my LTB.
Is this is TAAT?

delineateddelinquent · 12/12/2019 12:03

Your thread makes no sense. Your partner had a GA and you couldn’t visit him so you think you should LTB?

Original poster

Rachelle1980 · 12/12/2019 12:23

Sorry I have just gone looking for another thread, it definitely isn't the same as the other poster / not a TAAT. I was using it as a real example of where people might not know the full story but judge "unforgivable" behaviour... In my case, DH knows (and has seen the aftermath of) my accident, and the medical trauma / situation and is fully, totally supportive. However we've never told his family what happened (they know I was in an accident,but not the extent of my injuries or how I was left alone for hours before help could be gained to get me medical help) so I'm fairly sure my in laws witnessing my panic attack on the ward after he'd been through surgery for something routine himself triggered a lot of stuff I thought I'd sort of started to cope with

Sorry if it looked like I'd posted about the other thread, it's absolutely not the same situation where the poster has been let down.

OP posts:

Ginkypig · 12/12/2019 13:05

No I'm sorry rachelle, I got the wrong end of the stick.
I was just worried you may be comparing yourself (unfairly) to the op's partner on the other thread. I was annoyed for you because from my perspective there's no comparison.

As for your thread! You and Your husband is the only person who matters in what you have mentioned! It doesn't matter what they think because they don't know the reality, your dh does.
I do think though it might be a good idea to have a conversation with dh about explaining to them better what actually happened while obviously protecting what you want to share or not. But the fact is you are ill because something terrible happened and that's not your fault so you have no reason to hide anything from anyone because you have nothing to be ashamed about!

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