To not tell them?

[Blurby]

Hello,

Having a bit of a moral dilemma and could do with some outside perspective.

My husband and I have been trying for our second baby. Found out last week that I'm 12 weeks pregnant (while trying this happened quicker than we thought). It was a lovely surprise.

However, I've just been offered a job that starts in the new year. I'm feeling very awkward about telling them. It's a small, all-male team. I'm due to meet with them before the end of year to discuss start dates etc. but I don't know when is best to tell them. Do I wait until I'm in the door in January?

From a business point of view, they won't need to pay me any mat leave or experience any financial loss really, but I'm struggling with this morally.

Considering I'll be about 16/17 weeks when I start, has anyone else been in a similar situation or have any advice?

You're not doing anything wrong. And they may well be delighted, but the reality is for many small businesses this is indeed difficult, to start someone who will work for four months max then possibly take up to a year off. There is no way round that fact. Pretending otherwise is futile.

Hence why most people are saying be honest, start off on a positive footing, try to work with them rather than take the position they are going to fuck your over anyway, so you may as well get in first.

You don’t need to tell them

iWorks though. Small company. Planning.

You've done nothing wrong OP, you're only just past the 12 week mark. Do you have a contract yet or would it be possible for them to take back the job offer?

I was in a similar position, all male team with no kids but they were all lovely about it (to my face anyway!). It helped that it was a large organisation with family friendly policies though. I'd had previous losses and didn't think a baby would happen so wasn't going to not apply for jobs.

To make matters worse I gave birth very early so disappeared in the middle of the night leaving work unfinished. Then when I had only been back from mat leave for 6 weeks when I was diagnosed with cancer so am off long term sick. Hopefully when all this is over I can give them a lot of loyal service!

Life happens and we can't always choose our timings. In your position I would probably take the job and tell them. Are you currently working?

Hence why most people are saying be honest, start off on a positive footing, try to work with them rather than take the position they are going to fuck your over anyway, so you may as well get in first

There was a thread not long ago about a woman who did just this and had her employment withdrawn. She took legal action.

If it’s your next step up or dream job, they agree you are capable and want you to work there. You are under no obligation to tell them until you’ve taken the job.

Given you already have a DC, I assume they have hired you on the basis that they know you are of childbearing age and already have caring responsibilities (for DC1)

I'd say they may be a little more progressive than you think?

I'd personally be upfront, but not telling them is not being dishonest or lying.

@Blurby

You are 100% not doing a single thing wrong. You’re doing what your body was built to do and nature (to an extent) requires you do, to continue the human race 👍🏻

You are however doing it in an unfair system x

You aren't doing anything wrong. Personally I'd sign the contract and tell them. Reason being i wouldn't want to work for a company if they'll start acting shit or unpleasant, it makes for more stress. You'll get a good idea from their reaction.

Hopefully it will be positive. My friend did the same in a big company and it was very positive.

I told them and said that I understand how this news could be challenging for a small team but it's important for me to be upfront.

After a phonecall, it was agreed that it would be challenging. The outcome is that I won't be working with them. Question answered.

You need to ask them to confirm in an email that they are withdrawing their job offer to you on the grounds of your pregnancy.

Ooo I think I’d possibly phone a union/CAB or something of that sort to see if this is right... it doesn’t sound right that they retracted the offer because you are pregnant but then I don’t no the HR law inside out ... if not for you challenge it for any other future employees.

Wel that’s not a surprise. It’s happened to others. Look up the other thread. She contacted a union and got a payout. It’s not right. But you were warned.

This is not acceptable - I had a boss who was appointed whilst pregnant and it was simply not an issue.

Union is the way to go.

I applied for a new job when I was about 5 months pregnant. I spoke to a HE friend who said it's better to not tell them until you have been offered the role. The reason being that if you're unsuccessful you can allege they are discriminative against a protected characteristic.

I was lucky that my employer didn't give two shites. I started training 6 months pregnant which lasted 5 weeks, did the actual role out of training for 3 weeks then went on mat leave.

I think the difference here that I work for a large company. If that isn't the case for you, you may face unintentional, or perhaps intentional, hostility.

If you've already been offered the post, speak to HR and see what they advise.

I hope you take legal steps, OP.

Well that will teach me not to RTFT.

Do you feel coerced into agreeing with them it would be 'challenging'?

ACAS are amazing. I'd give them a call

I went for an interview when 16 weeks pregnant with my second and was showing a bit and didn't try to hide it (maternity dress) but they didn't seem to notice. I was offered and accepted the job and once it was confirmed and my references had gone through I just emailed over saying "hopefully my HR will have informed you and passed over relevant documentation that I am pregnant and intend to start mat leave around Xx date". It was a bit awkward and I'm sure some people thought it was a bit off but hey ho.

Congrats on your pregnancy and your new job, you're the best person for the job if you've been selected and may work there for another 10 years for all you know! People start jobs then leave within weeks if they get offered something else they applied for at the same time etc and nobody thinks anything of it, there are loads of circumstances outside of pregnancy that affect absence from work.

Apple, you should read the whole thread. She told them and it seems they withdrew the offer.

I'm back with an update...

So, after speaking with the prospective new employers, they asked me to come back to them after I had my child so that they could see what positions were available for me then as they'd "love" to have me (just not now it would appear). Yes obviously I'll do that as soon as my ready for you kind sirs (NOT!). I'm seeking advice on pregnancy discrimination, however, as the conversation was over the telephone, I don't have strong proof that my pregnancy was the reason. But we shall see...

In other news, I have started training for a lovely part time role that's actually quite different to what I've done before. And so far, I'm loving it! But alas, I face the same dilemma that brought me here in the first place.

At almost 18 weeks, I'm not really showing yet, and haven't yet told my new employer. I'm struggling to find the right time. There's a bit of a handover happening and I haven't actually met my direct manager etc. yet (will next week) and don't have much direct contact with any management so not sure how and when to bring it up with someone. .. And time is ticking so I'm becoming anxious and worried that they'll be VERY annoyed