AIBU to expect DP to sleep in our bed?

[saturdaynightgin]

For the first month or so after DS (4 months) was born, I slept on the sofa with him in the Moses basket next to me, as he was waking quite frequently for a feed (EBF) and disturbing DP. When the weather started to get colder and DS was sleeping longer, we came back upstairs to the bedroom, where he sleeps in a next to me crib on my side of the bed. He wakes roughly 2-3 times between 10pm and 5am for a feed, and is usually ready to ‘get up’ at 6am. In between feeds he often needs to be shushed/patted back to sleep when he stirs, and it’s usually just as I’m dropping back off to sleep after feeding him 🙈

DP has only done one or two night feeds so far and has been leaving the bedroom to sleep on the sofa/in our DD’s room if she’s not here whenever DS starts stirring. To begin with it didn’t bother me much, but now the last 4 months’ lack of sleep has finally hit me. Obviously I don’t mind waking to feed DS, but AIBU to want DP to stay in our bed so that he can settle DS now and again when he stirs?

DP was never like this when DD was born - she’s 4 now and still wakes in the night sometimes and DP will go and settle her. But he just doesn’t seem interested/bothered about doing the same with DS. He doesn’t mind if I go for a nap without DS some afternoons if he has an early finish in work, but when I do this I find that I struggle to get to sleep at night.

I think we’ve only slept in the same bed a handful of times since DS was born and it’s starting to bother me. I appreciate that he’s working while I’m at home, but my day is tiring too - looking after two DC, cooking, cleaning, washing etc. And this time round there’s not much chance of napping when baby naps because of DD.

So am I overreacting? Or would you feel the same? Sorry for the essay

Have you told him?

He’s being a selfish arse. He needs to actually do some fucking parenting. Lazy entitled man child.

Not in so many words, but I have asked if he was planning on sleeping in our bed any time soon. It’s seems like such a small issue during the day and I feel like I’m over reacting, but then in the middle of the night it feels like such a big deal

Tell him in so many words. You need his help and support, he needs to be there for your son.

Sorry I can't get over the fact you were sleeping on the sofa!

We have 3 week old DS. DP is a HGV driver and starts at 5am so I don't want him helping in the night (I figure he could actually kill someone if he's over tired). He therefore sleeps on the sofa. He sleeps in the bed and helps out on his days off. Assuming your DH does a "normal" job I'd expect him to be helping and sleeping in the bed every night!

It sounds like he does do some to help out. But if you aren't happy with the current arrangements, then you should really have a conversation with him. That kind of stuff can grow into much bigger resentment if you let it.

I'm currently up with DD2 who is 2 months. My DP and I haven't slept in the same bed at the same time since she was born! We do half of the night each - we swap over around about the time of her 1am feed. We're both tired but neither of us is getting no sleep and we're both contributing to looking after our baby when it's really tough. We miss each other but know it isn't forever and we'll both chip in on settling DD once we're in the same room again :-)

Ok, so now that I’ve had some sleep I know IABU.

DP is a bus driver, so being tired in work could be dangerous. I completely understand that. He also does his fair of school runs/jobs around the house when he’s not working, which is much more than a lot of partners do.

DS had his immunisations on Tuesday so the past few days he’s been very unsettled, and obviously wanting to be on me for comfort. Last night I hit a brick wall and became a bit emotional about DP ‘not being there for me’, which I know he is