NC, obviously! (Hopefully not still outing so will try to be brief)
Me and my long term fiance recently split up after going through an extended rough patch, he ended it but I felt things had been getting better between us, was sure it wasn’t actually over, and that it wasn’t what he really wanted.
This separation lasted several weeks and we have young DC so did speak during this time. We then began to grow closer and have been back together for a few months. Due to the way this all happened, I never really felt as though we truly were no longer a couple.
He told me a couple of weeks ago, completely of his own volition but during a conversation about a colleague of his that he knows has recently been unfaithful to his wife, that a couple of days after we split he was in the pub, he says to try and take his mind off how upset he was, and a friend of a friend arrived at the bar with some female friends and announced that he was there to ‘wingman’ my fiance. He says he didn’t necessarily go along with this but was quite passive and didn’t say no either, and was incredibly drunk.
He then describes the situation as progressing very quickly, they all went back for drinks at one girl’s flat and one of them made their interest in him clear. He says he wasn’t interested and so went to bed there as he was so drunk and it was very early hours of the morning. At some point she came into the bedroom and was attempting to pressure him into having sex, he told her he didn’t want to but says he did end up kissing her and briefly began performing a sex act on her before realising he was making a mistake and leaving.
He says he feels he did it due to the pressure from her but hasn’t attempted to place the blame on her at all, he knows it was completely his responsibility even in the state he was. He says he was always going to tell me and wishes he had sooner, it just got harder as we became happy again because he didn’t want to ruin that, as though he doesn’t feel he cheated, he thinks it’s a grey area, does feel terrible about it (cried as he told me) and about how it might hurt me, and feels it was a shit thing for him to do that he isn’t sure he’d be able to look past it if the situation was reversed.
So, am I wrong for not knowing how I feel about it? I wasn’t as upset as I thought I maybe should be, and whilst I’m angry with him and think he was very stupid, I’m just not sure if I consider it a betrayal in the way I would if he’d had sex with someone before we split. I can’t figure out if this was affected my trust in him or not.