Scared I won’t ever have children

[Kwhatnow]

I’m deciding on whether to give ivf a go or not. Been trying to concieve for roughly 9 years. Been married for 2. My husband has male factor infertility meaning we will only ever concieve with medical intervention. We might have a round next June. We have heather money and we both desperately want a family. BUT I am scared shitless of it not working, then me resenting my husband. My husband is my absolute world and he is the most amazing man, by far the loveliest person I know. Broke our hearts when we had the diagnosis. I was suprised nothing at all is wrong with me and felt guilty the problem is solely on my husband.
I’m just scared I’ll never have my own children, I’ve only ever wanted children with my husband but what if the ivf doesn’t work and I get to an older age and regret it all? Anything can happen in 20 years. I think I’m just completely anxious of the Ivf and having irrational thoughts.

I guess, if you know that you love him, and you want his children, and IVF is your best/only chance, then you try.
If it doesn't work then you need to consider all the options - childlessness, donor sperm, ons, adoption etc.
But if you don't try, it definitely won't happen!
Which would you regret more? IVF not working, or never having tried?

What does "ons" mean?

Possibly his greatest fear in all of this might be that you choose to leave him and have kids with someone who can do it easily.

That’s one of the main things 100% infertile people (like me) who are married to 100% fertile people get insecure over.

It’s ok to be scared of IVF.
I just feel like you should know whether you would choose him and childlessness or children without him. Because there are no guarantees and for some people it does come to that.

Three courses of ivf with male infertility factors have I think a 70percent chance of success.

After that there are a range of other options to consider. People I know who had to be parents found a way. Others found a way to live a meaningful and full life without dc.

It is stressful and difficult but you are at the start not the end of the journey.

Gypsy could she mean one night stand?

I'm afraid that 70% success rate is totally wrong. Success rates for ivf dont accumulate over each round. I dont know how old you are but 30% is about the rate for each round.

I had the same issue and we did ICSI. I was so determined I wanted my husbands genetic baby that we kept trying for years. In the end my eggs were too old and we ended up moving on to donor sperm and donor eggs. We have children who we love dearly and wouldnt swap for the world but I resent all that time I spent worrying about him being a real dad that I didnt even consider my own fertility. I was super fertile when we started and have a long family history of late babies but ivf is very different. If I had my time again I wouldnt even try and use my husbands sperm. I would have done iui with donor sperm straight away. We couldnt love our kids more so the genetics really matter less than I originally thought. Good luck.

Ons - One Night Stand - it's a possibility. Not suggesting for one second that OP would, but plenty of people over the years have conceived from one - it is a possibility, especially if someone craves a child. Mother Nature can be imperative!

Unfortunately there are no guarantees but the more anxious you get the less likely it will be successful. Try and practice relaxation techniques and positive thinking it might help.

It is a fear of his and I’ve reassured him I never would. I think I’m just terrified at how I will cope if it doesn’t actually work. Im now 31 years old so time is ticking, but I’ve had tests and been told my egg reserve is very good. My husband has sperm in his ejaculate just not very many to be precise his count is just under 1 million per ml.
I just feel overwhelmed with a possibility of no children

It only takes one sperm. Did they tell you if they are healthy/normal?

They said “morphology too few time get a reading” so don’t think so

It’s ok to be sad and anxious and confused as hell right now 💐

Just give yourself time to process what is happening.

Even when you aren’t the one with the fertility issues, fertility is a team sport 😅
Your husband will be feeling all kinds of things, but so will you! And that’s ok.

Take time to think, to research, to speak to other people, maybe get fertility specific counselling. You are going to need to be super strong and super determined to fight this together 😘

Whether you are fully fertile or not, you’re part of a team that needs IVF/ICSI. You will be experiencing “loss of fantasy”, you will be grieving the idealistic conception that we are socialised to take for granted. Getting pregnant “on a romantic tropical holiday” etc is never going to be in your story now and that’s hard to deal with.

I’m starting my first cycle in January and my head is melted! 😬❤️

It only takes one sperm

Not really, it doesn't work like that. "Normal" is between 15 million per ml and 39 million per ml. Less than 15 million / ml shows infertility. The suggestion that "it only takes one" is not correct. OP's husband is seriously infertile since his sperm count is only 1 million/ml

I agree with PP about trying it and it working or not trying it then regret not even trying.
It may take some time but don't completely throw the chance of you being parents out the window.
I know you have said you have been trying for a long time but I suppose this was before you knew your husband was infertile.
Is there anyone you can speak to about possibilities of it working for you? Like a consultant?
Sorry I'm a bit clueless when it comes to IVF.
Good luck

Just to put some level of realism in here - ICSI has a fairly good success rate for MFI. However, everything hinges on the egg quality. A high egg reserve, unfortunately, doesn’t mean you have great eggs and it’s not really possible to know how you will respond to IVF medication until you start. Your age is on your side though so if you would like to start then definitely do.

The most likely to be successful ivf cycle is the first but there is a cumulative success rate.

If you are doing isci you do only need one functioning sperm for success.

I was lucky we had the same issues, one cycle of ivf, two embryos implanted ( a few years ago) and have 2 dc.

That doesn't mean it wasn't very stressful and upsetting, it is.

The other thing I would say is that it matters terribly at the time that your dc were created by strangers in a lab and not a romantic holiday for two.
A few years on it is a total irrelevance.
A decade on dc know how they created but it is just part of their story.

Sounds as though you should give IVF/ ICSI a go and see what happens. No regrets at not doing then. Perhaps speak to a consultant about it all and go from there. Good luck