To wonder if child prodigies are happy with their lifes

[Flyingfish2019]

I just read an article about a boy who started university age eight and wonder what that must have been like for him and if he is happy with his life or unhappy because he is so different from everybody else.

BTW how can I enable voting here?

@Marshmallow91 your post resonated with me, I wasnt a progidy but was very gifted and got brilliant GCSE grades In school but it came at a cost everyone expected me to succeed in a levels and go on to a well thought of uni (oxford/cambridge) but I was deeply unhappy and ended up having a complete nervous breakdown during my as levels and was hospitalized and attempted suicide several times. That was 15 years ago and I have been left with depression and anxiety that has never gone away. I wish sometimes that the pressure was taken off me because what I could achieve wasn't necessarily what I wanted to achieve.

Most of the child prodigies I've read about have been subject to a lot of hot housing.

I've no doubt these kids are exceptionally bright/talented but what seems to elevate them to prodigy status is the single mindedness with which at least one parent "nurtures" them.

I suspect there are a number of gifted children who aren't perceived as prodigies simply because their families - to their credit - have taken a more rounded view of their overall development rather than laser focus on their gift.

As such I find myself quite sad seeing these prodigy stories because inevitably (though there may be the odd exception) you find they are the boiled frogs within the cohort of gifted children who've been brought up to believe the schedules, expectations, study, practice are driven by their parents is reasonable and normal for someone "like them".

It's very rare I would say for these children to look back on their childhood as adults and say they even had one, never mind enjoyed it.

Finally, just because a child is gifted it doesn't always mean they will be ultra successful. A pre-teen sporting or prodigy may lose that "status" when puberty levels the playing field
and their adult bodies are no longer "optimal" for their pursuit (hand span for example in a pianist or stride for a runner) and they are vulnerable to injury.

A maths/science prodigy might do well in academia but never produce a ground breaking proof or perhaps they lack the self discipline as an adult to dedicate themselves to years of "tedious" research that results in a breakthrough of note.

All of them can also be burdened by a weight of expectation and resulting depression that they never achieved their potential because the bar is set so high - what is enough? A Nobel prize?

My own DS is brilliant at maths and whilst DH and I (and his school) are keen to support him we feel it's important to keep him on a "regular" timetable. Yes he could have taken certain GCSE's early and is was capable of doing his maths/further maths A Level at the same time as GCSE's but what's the point? He needs the experience and social aspects of school as much as the education.

completely missing point of thread and being a dick as well lifes? Oh dear 😒

I think being a prodigy is hard - by definition it robs you of a lot of the normal experiences of childhood and puts you in classrooms with an agegroup with whom you have nothing in common.

Being gifted is different - that tends to just make people more successful but they can still stay in school/be part of normal social stuff - bit like DeRiguer describes.

Also sometimes your talents academically aren't that aligned with what you actually want to do with your life. I have a relative who was a stand-out mathematician (as in came first in his country in maths in high school/won all the scholarships/head hunted etc). he did have an amazing ability and his first degree was in this ... and then he went back after a few years of work and did a different degree in something entirely different - something that was focused on working with people. That was actually what he loved to do. To the end of his life he could card-count playing card games, his brain really was wired for math - but it wasn't his passion.

Meant to add Andrew Solomon in his excellent book Far From The Tree has a great chapter on prodigies.

Some friends of mine encountered Ruth Lawrence at Oxford. They said that her father, who accompanied her everywhere, was a complete nightmare, and she seemed a bit standoffish. In any case a twelve year old is unlikely to make friends with eighteen year olds, especially studying a subject like maths which doesn’t really lend itself to teamwork at undergraduate level.

However she’s now established in a successful mathematical career overseas. She’s not won the Fields Medal but she’s done solid work and appears to be happily married.

I suspect there are a number of gifted children who aren't perceived as prodigies simply because their families - to their credit - have taken a more rounded view of their overall development rather than laser focus on their gift.

This. Personally, I find it very sad that parents would even contemplate doing this to their kids. Imagine prioritising your own bragging rights over and above your child's happiness!

My dd is 14 now, but I have no doubt that she could have coped with degree level study in certain subjects in the later years of primary school, had she been hothoused from an early age. She is exceptionally bright. The question for me was never whether she could do the work, but rather what would have been the point? I'd far rather that she has a happy childhood with a broad education and lots of enrichment, and then go to university at an age when she can actually enjoy it.

There is no real benefit to getting a degree so young. There are many other much better ways to stretch and challenge the mind.

palliseres

I understand what you're saying but I do question how many "prodigies" are actually that as opposed to gifted children who are hot housed.

Children who are/would have been perfectly capable of experiencing a relatively normal childhood/socialisation.

What's the tipping point between gifted and prodigy?

Generally, I find it's about achievement and that said those achievements are the result of hot housing.

There are undoubtedly some "super gifted" children out there but I can't think of any examples of prodigies (though happy to be proven wrong) where their talent was left to mature at the child's direction/pace rather than as a result of "Tiger Parenting".

Had they been the children of more "relaxed" parents would they have been prodigies or rather "just" gifted?

Alexa sounds like you've found a great balance and fwiw I agree with you.

My DS's thing is maths, but as good as he is at that he'd also struggled with subjects like English (so perhaps not bright across the board as your DD perhaps is).

Like you, I'm certain that if I or DH had been professional mathematicians and hot housed him, he could be way ahead of where he is now.

As you said, it's not about what a child "could" do. It's ultimately imho about raising a child to their full potential (which includes social interaction, life experiences etc) rather than a sole focus on their gift/talent.

That's a very good point derigeur. I agree with you.

My relative was recognised as extremely gifted at about age 11 or younger (we have an adorable photo of him and some other boys in the accelerated class in their school - most of those boys ended up as professors/working for NASA etc. none of them went to college early) My relative was smart across the board but incredibly gifted in math. But his actual passion was something very different.

Also if you look at the childhood academic work of Elizabeth Tudor, Jane Grey, Edward Tudor - you'd think they were prodigies But they were in fact extremely intelligent children with access to the best tutors and education of the time.,

I was one for language and music. It's a fucking curse.

I was. Not uni, but I was 3-4 years ahead at school and started secondary school at 7. I was very, very lonely. The other children hated me - my classmates had no interest at nearly 12 in playing with a 7 year old.

Elizabeth Tudor is a fantastic example imho.

If you look at some of her output as a child it's astonishing. Fluent in 6 languages as a pre-teen and her writing/phrasing at that young age is just mind blowing wrt it's insightfulness and literary dexterity.

She was clearly very, very clever, but also the beneficiary of having access to arguably some of the best scholars in Europe and in that respect was "hot housed" as a princess to a king whom had "failed" to produce a suitably large number of potential royal children for diplomatic marriage (or even an heir for the early years of her life).

The word prodigy was slung around a lot when I was a kid, and I held some records for a time. Not too much hot housing, but I was deeply unhappy most of my life and attempted suicide at 17. Now I'm a teacher, I love my life, and my parents call me a waste of potential approximately 3 times a month.

@Stoptheworldandmelt. How sad that your parents can’t see that happiness and teaching future generations are not a waste of potential. I’d really struggle with that.

Golly, some very sad stories from some posters.

All I can say is that having a gift doesn't and should not define who you are.

It shouldn't mean you even have to develop that gift if it's not in line with your life passions/expectations/interests.

It's not a failure to consciously turn your back on on something that doesn't make you happy. It takes a lot of character and value in your own wider self worth.

@lifecouldbeadream in a way they're not wrong. They invested heavily in education (instruments, languages etc) that I'm just not using at all. But really, there's no career where I ever would've used all of it so... I just don't speak to them very much.

My 5 year olds school requested we had her tested for giftedness (she came up highly gifted in all categories tested) and has been reading since she was 3. No pushing or hot housing. We just thought she had memorised the stories from repetition.
She’s not a child prodigy nor would I want her to be. It would have to be isolating so from your peers and lonely.

But she has Anxiety about being different from the other kids and standing out.
Honestly I’d rather her get good social skills, make friends, play, be happy and enjoy learning at this age than worry about her being “gifted”.

Some parents just have their priorities wrong. I spent years having music lessons, I no longer play, but have an understanding of music for life. I learned a language to a high standard, but don’t use it professionally, can visit and enjoy the culture though.

I can’t imagine what would possess a family to push their child to the level of university at 9. Some of the higher level thinking needed only comes with life experience. I can’t help thinking that the life of a prodigy might be a very lonely existence indeed.

One of my siblings kids is exceptionally academically able, particularly in one core area where their abilities are 3 or 4 years ahead of even the most able in his class (& they are taken out to work with older children as a result).

As it happens the child is sociable & good natured, my sibling (who helps in class occasionally) has been relieved that the other children will ask when they can come for playdates etc, its clear my siblings DC is reasonably liked by his peers.

However, other parents are another story (its a popular primary in an affluent area with pushy parents). They are so disgruntled/competitive that the child outshines their bright DC academically, that they discourage their DC from being friends with them, going so far as not inviting them to birthday parties.

Adults are way worse bullies than kids.

To be honest my mum has spent most of her life oblivious to others and in that way she has not been unhappy in the same way most people would be in her situation. It's been hard for family and those around her and the same goes for now she has dementia, different but somehow very similar. The hardest stage was early on in her dementia when she was frustrated by many things but still had memories of her earlier life. Not being able to read was a huge step for her but now her memories are so transient even frustration only lasts a short while.
I have always wondered why she had kids as it clearly wasn't something she was really interested in and was always very detached from family life, I suspect it was an attempt to fit in and be like everyone else.

Although hot housing will push a child along, you can’t create a genius from anyone without the raw material.

Theodore John Kaczynski (/kəˈzɪnski/; born May 22, 1942), also known as the Unabomber (/ˈjuːnəbɒmər/), is an American domestic terrorist, anarchist, and former mathematics professor.[2][3][4] He was a mathematics prodigy,[5] but he abandoned an academic career in 1969 to pursue a primitive lifestyle. Between 1978 and 1995, he killed three people and injured 23 others in an attempt to start a revolution by conducting a nationwide bombing campaign targeting people involved with modern technology. In conjunction with this effort, he issued a social critique opposing industrialization while advocating a nature-centered form of anarchism.[6]

Ted transferred to Evergreen Park Central Junior High School. After testing scored his IQ at 167,[12] he skipped the sixth grade. Kaczynski later described this as a pivotal event: previously he had socialized with his peers and was even a leader, but after skipping ahead he felt he did not fit in with the older children and was bullied

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ted_Kaczynski

Sorry, that second paragraph is an extract from his wikipedi bio, which was supposed to show when things started going wrong for him. It isn't meant to follow on directly from the first paragraph.

I wonder what the best support would if one of my children was a prodigy and excelled... say at college level physics at an early age... to help them take college courses... or to encourage them to engage in “normal childhood activities“.

Go for the third option of developing breadth in the subject whilst keeping childhood normal.

You get one childhood. It should be as happy as possible.

IlsSortLaPlupartAuNuitMostly

I was friends with someone at Oxford with RL, apparently her father would try to speak at student meetings.