Help me process my separation

[copperlights]

Hi. Please help me process this situation.I cannot talk to anyone irl.
My husband told me he wanted out of our marriage and home some months ago. He would not actually leave the house until our children and I had found alternative accommodation. We are fortunate enough to own another property so we gave notice to our tenants and moved in after three months.
It transpires that he had entered another relationship approx six months ago but continues to deny the timeline but said it Started after he announced the separation.
This is where it gets complex.
For years Onhave fantasised about him being out of my life.He was a lazy disinterested husband and father who was rarely at home. I also work full time but he did not do any housework, child rearing, administration .. anything basically.
He didn't show love to me , basically ignored me and I was lonely for years but found company in family and friends and outside interests. He was pushy when it came
To sex and found my interest on sex frustrating.i was happy with once a week but he was quite demonstrative sexually, at my bum and boobs etc as I tried to do work around the house. It really turned me
Off him and I got quite tense around him in case he groped or started whining about aex.He really had no interest in me as a person and didn't do affectionHe would never come to bed with me, fell asleep on the sofa or played on his phone. He likes to watch porn on his phone at night. Each night we would sit at opposite ends of the sofa and he would
Grunt a yes or no at me. This was my marriage.
I should be happy now right? So why do I feel shocked, numb, in disbelief ?
I know That I am angry about the affair, the lies, the deceit , the burden he placed on me, the humiliation . I'm
Really angry about his lack of interest in the kids. Although she never really engaged hugely with them I guess.
What's going on with me? I should be happy? Will I ever be happy?
Ps I didn't leave him as I didn't want to split the family and felt I could carry on being fulfilled in other areas . Thanks for reading .

Anyone , please?

This sounds like a marriage that had well and truly run its course. Be glad that he has moved things forward so that you can start a new life.

I can understand this, my marriage had become quite horrible, with emotional, financial and occasional physical abuse, and yet I stuck it out and was devastated when he left me. I'm now 10 months post separation and feel much better, I think I was just mourning what I thought we couldve had, and feeling quite stupid in putting up with all that I did for love and family. The bottom line is that you are quite entitled to feel any way you do, it takes a while to process it all but you will feel better, I know I do. Sending a hug in solidarity.

Hello
Sorry to hear you have had a rubbish husband and marriage along with your husbands affair. Although you wished for a better life away from your husband you had settled on the idea of remaining in the marriage for the sake of the children. But now your plans have all chaged and you are dealing with the anxiety of major life change for you and your kids along with the resentment you have towards how badly your husband has behaved. It will take time to process and accept the change, but by the sounds of it your husband has done you a favour. In time you will realise that you deserve so much more for your life, mainly having people around you who will love and respect you. Give yourself a break, time is a great healer. Now you can fantasize about all the positive and great things ahead in your life for you and your kids without a disrespectful husband. Also it is so important for your children to see their Mum happy and being respected as it lays the foundation of what they will expect in a marriage so you are well rid. Good luck with the next chapter of your life.

I think while it is all still relative.y new it’s raw and can be quite confusing. With time you will realise how much better off both you and your DC are.It sounds like he’s done you all a favour by finishing things and hopefully in time you’ll meet someone who is more respectful and loving.

Just to say, from what you said about the sex and the fact he had someone else, it might be as well to get tested for peace of mind.

I agree with the other posters - it’s a new chapter of your life 😀

Thanks for your reassurance. I fell very confused with so many emotions flying around.I feel like I am in the middle of a dog knowing him gone is good but the way he did being so awful. I'm
Worried about our kids too so I have taken a back seat emotionally. I hope to feel very differently this time next year.