I’ve been with my partner for almost 4 years. We’ve had our ups and downs but overall, we love each other very much. This year hasn’t been great as he has decided to move a few hundred miles away for his career. I have a child from a previous relationship and won’t uproot our lives to follow him. I fully understand and support his decision. It’s a very niche field and if he wants to progress in his career then he does need to do this. But it’s still very difficult for me. We are planning to give long distance a try, although I think we are both slightly sceptical of it working out.
Throughout the majority of our relationship (bar the first year or so) we have had issues with affection and sex. He’s not a very affectionate person, very little kissing/cuddling, sex less often than I am happy with (maybe once a week), I sleep in the spare room regularly etc. He is adamant this is nothing to do with me and is just the kind of person he is. I do know a previous girlfriend of his and I am aware they had similar issues but I still find it quite difficult to believe as for the first year or so of our relationship he was really affectionate. I have started to accept this is who he is and stopped pushing the issue.
I am quite a sexual person, always up for new things, toys, porn, rough sex. Sometimes I just like plain old normal sex though but the more we seem to push the boundaries, the less I, on my own with no extras, seem to be enough for him. I’m not concerned about my looks or my ability. I’m young, pretty, slim and as above, fairly adventurous. Not that there’s anything wrong if you’re not like that!
I recently suffered a bereavement that has left a massive hole in my life and left me in quite a dark place mentally, although I am getting there and I will be okay, it will just take time. I’m not sure if this is clouding my judgment but recently my partner has become even more withdrawn. Physical contact is at an all time low. We did have sex twice last week but honestly, it wasn’t very enjoyable. I had to stop him once because he was being too rough and treating me like some kind of sex doll and he went off in a huff after that. Apparently I was too quick to lose my temper. All I did was tell him to stop, although I may have said ‘fucking stop’.
He was very cagey with his iPad this morning. I am ashamed to say I did some snooping which I thought would be pointless as I know he uses the ‘private’ browsing mode a lot but I found that he has been watching pretty extreme porn on a premium website that he has to pay for. It seems to only be nights we aren’t together but I’m not really sure. I’m not against porn at all but it seems quite unhealthy that he won’t have sex with me but every time I’m not there he is spending a pretty long time wanking off. Maybe he would have a higher sex drive if he wasn’t doing this? Maybe normal sex would be enough? I’m not sure anymore but it has made me feel really horrible today, which is so unlike me as like I said, usually porn doesn’t bother me. I think the fact that he is paying for it makes it worse. It makes me feel quite sick. It almost seems quite creepy and pathetic.
I feel defeated, like I’m just not good enough at all and with everything else I have going on just now, I feel like maybe this is the final straw. AIBU to think it’s time to just walk away? Looking at him and thinking about him makes me feel a bit queasy at the moment.