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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Relative visiting newborn with a cold

19 replies

worriedmuma · 10/12/2019 09:41

Relative visiting newborn with a cold and not saying before they came round. Just that really.
AIBU to be fuming at them holding her, getting her near to their face etc?

Not my family (DPs) - didn't have the guts to say anything but baby isn't even a week old yet.

So worried baby is going to get sick and I feel they were so selfish putting their excitement above the welfare of the baby!

FTM so maybe I'm overreacting idk.

OP posts:
TotalRecall · 10/12/2019 09:43

Time to put on your mama bear pants and protect your kid!

“No sick visitors please!”

flippinehh · 10/12/2019 09:44

That's not on but you do need to be able to say no. Visitors are optional.

Shesalittlemadam · 10/12/2019 09:48

You need to message them and inform them if your child gets sick - it's their fault. Why should they escape feeling guilty? Might make them think twice in future!!

LolaSmiles · 10/12/2019 09:50

They are out of order. Everyone knows you don't visit newborns with a cold.

I like total's advice: mama bear pants on and tell them no sick visitors. If anyone turns up with a cold then you tell them they can't hold or get close to the baby.

How selfish of them to put their desire for cuddles above the health of a newborn.

ohprettybaby · 10/12/2019 09:51

Oh, you mean a relative with a cold was visiting a baby. Your title suggested the baby has the cold. Grin

If you only found out the visitor had a cold when they arrived, you should then have said that they couldn't visit if you didn't want them to. You will need to stop being gutless.

If you can breastfeed it will help pass on antibodies that will help your baby.

Uuummmm · 10/12/2019 09:57

I had a family member turn up to visit my 5 week old for the first time a few weeks ago. She sounded a bit sniffly, although said she felt fine.

However, I wasn’t going to risk it. I said nicely, “You sound a bit sick and I just can’t take the risk of my DC falling ill. I’m sure you understand.”

No issues, she was fine with it. I did feel awkward saying it but I’d rather feel awkward than have a sick newborn!

Original poster
worriedmuma · 10/12/2019 10:00

Thanks everyone

I am breastfeeding so hoping that'll provide some protection.

I am going to contact them and tell them I'm angry and it's not on in future.

OP posts:
iano · 10/12/2019 10:02

Tbh I think texting them after the event is a bit pointless. They can't fix it now.
Next time just say 'you sound ill. Do you mind not holding baby'.
I hope your baby stays well!

Whattodoabout · 10/12/2019 10:04

This is bonkers. What would happen if you or your DH got a cold? If you had other DC and they had a cold? PFB stuff imo.

Shittiestdayinalongtime · 10/12/2019 10:06

If her or her husband had a cold, it would be different. This relative doesn't need to see the baby, they should have waited.

SVRT19674 · 10/12/2019 10:06

I was invited to see newborn and told them best next week as I have a cold. When i've met people I know on the street and wanted to introduce them to my baby they have said "best look at her from afar as we have a cold". It's common courtesy as a cold for a baby is a big deal as it messes up their sleep and feeding patterns. YANBU

RB68 · 10/12/2019 10:07

I think it should be avoided where possible. But baby will have your immunity for a while anyway.

If she and DH are off work for a couple of weeks baby will be older when or if they get colds provided they do what most parents do which is stay home in this time

I think its unfair on the baby and new parents to go in with colds or anything else

my2bundles · 10/12/2019 10:08

Very selfish they should have waited untill it cleared. To tne poster who suggested parents or older kids could have a cold that's completely different as it's unpreventable, this was completely preventable.

Dustarr73 · 10/12/2019 10:33

Why did you or your dp let them hold the baby.Once you realised they had a cold,you should have said no you cant hold the baby.

JonnyPocketRocket · 10/12/2019 10:41

YANBU. Someone recently visited us with a cold and my 9-day old ended up in hospital with bronchiolitis and low oxygen saturations, having to receive oxygen through a face mask. We hadn't left the house prior to that point and nobody else with a cold has been in contact with her so I know it came from that visitor Angry Baby is better now but it was a horrible experience for her and for us.

Original poster
worriedmuma · 10/12/2019 11:12

@JonnyPocketRocket oh no I'm so sorry to hear that - that must have been horrible to go through! Glad everyone is better though xx

OP posts:
Original poster
worriedmuma · 10/12/2019 11:13

Dustarr they said they weren't going to then suddenly had baby passed to them

OP posts:
Roselilly36 · 10/12/2019 11:25

It’s such a selfish thing to do, make it clear that if people are ill, you don’t want them visiting in future.

ColdToesHere · 10/12/2019 11:31

My 6 week old got meningitis, Doc said it was from an adult with a cold and baby couldn't deal with the germs (enteroviral meningitis).
You are right to be fuming. Unfortunatley though, most people are blissfully ignorant of how dangerous it can be.

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