To feel put out by requests for donations at work

[amibeingtight]

(NC for this)

I'm a nurse in the NHS. Been with my trust several years and at the top of band 5 salary. DH makes the same I do. We have two DCs, one cat and live in London as DH's work keeps us here, so haven't been able to afford to buy a home. We don't have any family money or other income. I understand we make much more as a family than many others, including single mums, zero hours contract workers, etc (in fact I come from a very poor background) and I am very grateful.

I find it difficult this time of year with extra spending for Christmas (gifts for children obviously, dH, parents, other firends and family) so this month I'm watching our outgoings even more carefully than usual. We don't spend much to begin with. But I am constantly being asked ore even pressured for more from my work, add to a food collection or clothing collection or donate money to a charity for rough sleepers. I find it a bit much honestly that I should be asked (repeatedly) to give more at my work when my pay is frozen indefinitely, I'm working long hours without breaks for lunch or even a wee.

I don't mean to sound completely tight. I do give to the foodbank at my church, if there's a buy one get second free offer on my shop, I donate the second to the collection at the front of the store, donate all of our DCs clothes and toys, purchase extra nappies or wipes or tampons, etc, so I don't think I'm completely selfish or self centred. But I find it a bit tiring to be asked every week to add to another collection at work of all places. If I were a banker or higher manager perhaps I would feel differently? But I'm at the top of my band and won't see any pay raise unless I can find a new job as a 6 and even then after several years the amount will be minimal. And our costs of living continue to increase with inflation and Brexit instability etc. I agree that the rough sleeping problem has gone completely out of control but it doesn't seem right I should be asked to fix this through donations at work.

AIBU/AIBtight?

If you can't afford it, you can't afford it. All charities are being extra visible at this time of year because people are extra generous at Christmas but you can't give to everyone- pick one or two and give what you can afford.

you can only do so much there is no need to feel guilty. some people give sweet f a so you are doing well as a family.

Yanbu at all

That sounds odd-who is actually asking you and how? Have you discussed it with your colleagues?

I’d just say no thanks and not give it another thought, tbh.

Asked is fine, pressured is wrong. No problem with a collection or whatever, but no one should say to you, "So why haven't you given any money for X?" or similar.

I agree it can be difficult, but sometimes you do just have to say No. This Christmas I have done/will do:

Work toy appeal
Work food bank
School food bank (live/work different areas so two separate food banks)
Ice hockey match soft toy toss
Gym lesson toy appeal (local radio)

It does feel like you have to give to all, but you can maybe limit what you do give or say you already give elsewhere.

Work did hint about a carrier bag full of food, it won't be, I have shared it amongst the two.

Pain, but just say no

Just say no. We have a few select ones that we donate too and I don’t vary from that and none of those would match your works list.

Charity giving should align with the causes that you wish to actually support.

'I already give to my chosen charity thank you for asking' big smile

I have this issue too, I don’t usually begrudge it but it’s a weekly request at the moment and I’m working my budget out to the £1 due to a car and a roof repair.
We’ve been reminded to buy an extra selection box for a kids charity and bring it in today. Friday Is a Xmas jumper day with a collection for charity, plus Xmas fayre for kids, it’s too much at the moment.

We had this at work too. I just said I already donate. They stopped asking me after a while.

Thank you for the support-feeling quite rubbish about myself atm for being so tight but really it’s far too much right now. Minky that’s exactly it, I’m looking at every pence going in and out now and feeling quite anxious about it (we also had some unexpected expenses this month.) Reckon I’m frustrated that no one else seems to be in the same position? Or that there’s no recognition of NHS staff needing to watch outgoings carefully?

I appreciate the effort to do good-appeals are organised generally by other staff but often higher up in band so I reckon that’s why it’s also frustrating-feels they’re so out of touch with what is possible for staff this time of year (or all year) especially whilst there are other staff on the breadlines.

I would love to be able to donate but my finances at the moment don’t allow it.

I would respond that along the lines of: that's great you are collecting for the food bank. I've donated to my local one'. You could adda reason why if you wanted e.g. then I don't have to carry it to work, I know my local community is really struggling etc. Also NHS here and we do similar, although in an anonymous way (the food box is in the office and not monitored who puts in). I prefer it as we alternate that with Secret Santa. The food bank is more useful and easier! But a lot of people don't have children so that makes a big difference to their financial situation. It sounds like you are doing lots already on a tight budget.

I would just say "Actually we're collecting food/toys/clothes at home for the sane charities I do every year but I want to get the kids involved in the giving as opposed to me just bringing them to work. So I am taking them to drop off our donations as usual so I'll stick to that"

It sounds like you are a generous person. I’m not in the UK but no one has asked me to donate anything this Christmas. Literally no one.
You and others seem to be getting requests left, right and centre!! It’s not surprising you’re feeling pressured.

Yanbu - you don't have anything spare to give!

just say.... oh kind of you to ask but i have monthly donations set up with my chosen charities but ill consider your charities when i next get a pay increase :).... and then walk away

I remember some awkward moments at work when donations were asked for. As well as the cost the charity may not be of your choosing. People have their own often personal reasons to give to certain charities. For instance my friends Mother died from cancer as did her DH. When they married they asked for donations to a cancer charity in their Mothers memories for them it included them in their wedding. My friend doesn’t not care about foodbanks and homeless people, but she gets comfort from her own personal reasons to donate to a specific charity.

I missed a word should be her DH Mother

Yanbu. You're doing a lot already AND you spend your work life helping others.

"NO" is a complete sentence. You are not being "tight" because you are choosing to live within your means- thats completely sensible and what more people should be doing. You donate to charity already which is great so I wouldn't feel an ounce of guilt saying to people "no thank you- I've already donated to my chosen charity". I mean, you have to draw the line somewhere- you could donate to 100 charities and there would STILL be 100s of other worthy charities in existence that you aren't donating to. I think you should practice more of saying "no" to people. Its not rude, its respecting your own boundaries. The more you do it, the easier it will become and it will stop you feeling constantly resentful and annoyed that people aren't respecting your wishes.

I think you are completely over thing this. You're being asked to donate to charity, as is common at this time of year. You just need to say no. Not sure where you live, that you rent, your banding, pay freeze etc has to do with it as I'd imagine your colleagues are all in the same boat.