Do teens take music too seriously?

[Alte]

You probably heard about Juice WRLD's death, which is sad but surely nothing major? DD's spent the whole day in her room listening to his songs, she's been crying over it, apparently spoken about it on Snapchat etc etc. The same thing happened 2 years ago with Lil Peep, she still hasn't got over it. She seems to think her whole life has been shaped around Lil Peep. AIBU to think it's just music, yes it's sad that they're dead but she never knew them or anything? I liked Queen and The Beatles as much as the next person, but I never felt like that about them. Is she taking it too seriously, or was she right to call me "insensitive" and "heartless"? For context, she's not usually an emotional person and didn't even care when her grandparents siblings died.

I was also sad when Amy Winehouse died, wasn't hugely into her music but it seemed so inevitable which is a horrendous thing to say about a 27 year old woman with her whole life ahead of her.

If Morrissey had died when I was a teenager I would have been utterly inconsolable. And I took a day off to mourn Leonard Cohen. Music is utterly central to my existence, sounds like it isn't to yours.

One of my earliest childhood memories is me and my mum coming home to a dark house.
In the corner of the living room was my dad, blood shot eyes and tears pouring down his face. He was surrounded by records and swigging from a nearly empty wine bottle.
It was the day that Freddie Mercury died.
You hero is your hero, no matter how old you are.

Your dd has soul. Music is poetry, emotion and speaks to the individual. I don't expect her grandparents' siblings did.

No, I don’t think they take it too seriously - music got me through some really tough times as a teenager and beyond. There are songs I hear and know exactly what was happening for me at the time, the people and places I associate with songs, the music of my whole life.

I mourned Bowie, Prince, George Michael and many more, still get a lift from live music and I’m raising my children to love music too and to develop eclectic tastes.

Music isn’t your thing maybe, and that’s fine but your DD isn’t wrong for being upset that someone who has contributed meaningfully to her life thus far is gone. I remember when Take That split up ChildLine being inundated with calls from bereft young people - it’s hardly a new phenomenon.

I was devastated when Kurt Cobain died. His music spoke to me and made me feel less alone. I am pretty hard hearted but it is almost like part of you goes with them. Music can be hugely emotive for some people, same as some can wail in the sistine chapel 😉

I was very upset when John Lennon was shot. My 2 friends and I were avid Beatles fans even though it wasn't cool for kids our age to be into that kind of music and we were all devastated. I think the fact it was a violent death made it worse.
Now I realise we probably over reacted somewhat, but that's teenage angst for you. It was very real for me at the time and I wouldn't criticise a modern day teen for feeling the same about the death of one of their musical heroes.

I think it's pretty normal. I was a huge Nirvana fan and was devastated when Kurt died.

First time I ever saw my father cry was when Lennon died. And he wasn't/isn't even a particular Beatles fan - mum is and she was also very upset but I kinda expected it from her.

What my dad felt was shock and also saddened as lennon was so young.

As a child at the time I didn't really understand.

When Freddie Mercury died again even though I wasn't especially a queen fan I liked their music and respected and admired Freddie and his talent, plus it was for me the first aids death that felt so close to home.

My mum had been upset by Rock Hudson's death but as he wasn't a celebrity I'd grown up with or related to it didn't affect me the same, but Freddie's death really did, but I suspect partly selfishly because I was 17 and in my first sexual relationship it was an uncomfortable reminder of the reality of hiv and aids which at that time was still very much a death sentence, I don't think those who reached age of consent 10+ years later when treatments for hiv and aids were massively improving and the public health campaigns changed very much in tone "get" how it was at that time.

It was also a shock as this was pre internet days and it really had been a closely guarded secret, iirc even though Freddie was known to be gay when he appeared visibly ill a lot of people were thinking cancer rather than aids.

Also the timing of the announcement and then the death.

But the one that hit me hardest was George Michael. I've been a fan since I was 10/11, bought everything he ever did and saw him live, also because it was relatively unexpected. Yes he'd been ill but appeared to be on the mend and taking care of himself plus Christmas unfortunately in my family is a time of several bereavements anyway.

I'm generally pretty hard faced but I was a wreck upon hearing the news and for some days after and even after that found it incredibly hard to listen to his music for months, especially the more melancholy songs.

Couple months ago my favourite radio station paid tribute to the album "faith" that was the first time I'd listened to a full album since he passed.

His music was very much the soundtrack to my life and certain songs are very much linked to certain times and events in my life.

I don't think your child is unusual at all in their reaction. Particularly with teen hormones running amok. And quite honestly the time of year too when the dark nights etc can make all our moods a bit low.

Sounds like you have a caring teen there.

Meant to say - my dad would have been in his 30's at the time too and an ex army chap really not given to showing much emotion at all.

I've only seen him cry maybe 4 times my whole life and I'm 47 myself now he's in his 70's

Don't you remember they had to open a support phone line when Take That split? I'm sure it was the same when Beethoven died

I remember when Take That split up in the late 90s and a helpline was set up. One girl in my class wept through our lessons for days. This isn’t anything new.

Teens use music and musicians as a lightning-rod for really powerful emotions. Give her a break.

Cross-post @orangeteal!

YANBU. Obsession with celebrities (musical or otherwise) has never made sense to me. It's definitely common enough, but I find it strange (and silly, tbh).

I love some music, but I don't feel I have a personal connection to the artists. When they die, it's a bit sad, but has never left me feeling bereft as it has when someone I've actually known has died.

Not many of them take music seriously enough to support artists by actually buying their music - most seem happy to stream or listen on YouTube, which helps no-one except the streaming companies.

@Moonmelodies it enables teenagers to listen to a wide variety of music, as much as they want no matter what economical background they come from, it benefits more than steaming companies. Judging by the price of live music tickets these days they seem to be finding other ways of recouping money.

My son did the same Sunday...all night he didn't cry but it is upsetting when someone whose music you listen to a lot die...won't lie I cried a bit as he was also my fave rapper and the news just topped off a shorty day for me....between us me and my son do have his music on a lot (probably a bit sad on my part) but I listen to xxx as well....both their music can be a bit morbid at the best of times but even more so now. And it's so sad that juice WRLD basically threw his life away but he was 21...it's a lot of fame etc for a 21 yr old to deal with and a lot of pressure in that world guns, drugs etc such a waste.

Oh and op yes you have been insensitive.

I agree with you OP. I don’t get the outpouring of grief for a stranger either.

Op are you me? My dd13 has been devastated too, I mean in absolute hysterics the whole day. I do find it dramatic. I was about her age when Kurt Cobain died and I had a little cry, but not to that extent! Think they spend too much time on their phones these days, dwelling on things, encouraging each other online etc

Nothing new here. Teens have been like this since teens began.

My dd is 15 and music is her life according to her. Listening to it, following it, playing it etc. She obviously does school and shit and that stuff ;-) but it's a huge thing to her and I would not mock nor criticize nor make light of it.

ThebishopofBanterbury if Simon Le Bon had dropped dead in 1984 when there were no mobile phones.....

Very insensitive. A person (somebody’s child) has died and you’re saying it’s ‘nothing major’

How ‘major’ has someone got to be before you deem their death important enough to matter?

Do you not think that this is perhaps the first time your DD has had her own mortality put into perspective? Grandparent’ siblings are elderly, so it’s kind of anticipated that they might not be around for long. Juice WRLD was what, 21? so it’s a lot more of a shock to your young DD.

The death of someone your DD clearly looked up to and admired, who wasn’t much older than she is, is going to affect her.

So whilst they’re musicians, it’s not ‘just music’; it’s a young person dying and that’s a big thing for the young people who admire them to deal with, as they’re suddenly forced to think “shit, he wasn’t even old.”

Have a heart and go and listen to his music with her.

I cried when Michael Hutchence died.