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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Am I an absolute mug?

46 replies

Immyidiot · 09/12/2019 22:23

DH mentioned that he had spoken to an old mutual friend (who is absolutely stunning might I add).
He explained how she’d posted a picture on Instagram of her in a very revealing bodysuit. He messaged her when he saw the picture and said ‘oh my god, you look so sexy. Wish my wife would wear something like that. Wow’. That’s what he told me he said anyway. I haven’t asked to see any proof.
I’m absolutely livid he spoke to another woman like this. He absolutely cannot see why I’m annoyed at him.
AIBU?

OP posts:

Warmfirechocolate · 09/12/2019 23:25

What?! No no no.

Can’t believe he admitted it either.

Option A - frank mature chat
Option B - call sexy fireman.com in while you are making dinner and ask him to tell your husband where to buy his gear and body.

CSIblonde · 09/12/2019 23:26

He knows exactly what he's doing, which is trying to put you down & make you jealous. Dies he have form for constant put downs to undermine you? Start talking about a fit Dad at the gym/schoolgate/work etc & see how he likes it. Tacky & narcissistic of the woman to post glamour style lingerie shots IMO.

mummytippy · 09/12/2019 23:28

I’d be upset too. Can’t believe he can’t see why!!!

Sunflower20 · 09/12/2019 23:30

He sounds vile.

SheSaidHummingbird · 09/12/2019 23:33

Was he saying this so that you would ask what the costume was, with a view to encouraging you to also wear something like that?

shiningstar2 · 09/12/2019 23:39

imo people who make these types of remarks are trying to diminish you ...put you down. It is passive aggressive because if you object or say you are hurt it's then 'only joking' 'can't you take a joke'. As a 'joke' it's a subtle way of undermining you. It's laughing at you rather than laughing with you and if you object it places you in the wrong.

Zerrin13 · 09/12/2019 23:39

I would be fashioning his bollocks into a pair of earrings

Notodontidae · 10/12/2019 00:12

I dont see the problem, just ask him to get you a nice revealing body suit, is it a crime to look sexy these days.

JimPickens · 10/12/2019 01:51

Tacky & narcissistic of the woman to post glamour style lingerie shots IMO.

Really? It's her Instagram, she can post whatever she wants. It's not her responsibility if random blokes decide to make her posts into the focus of their pathetic whining at their wives.

NearlyGranny · 10/12/2019 02:07

Yes, let's not blame a random woman for a married man's actions and comments! He is not one of Pavlov's salivating dogs, however good an impression he might be doing.

The question to be asked by OP is, "Why would you tell me that?" followed by, " but why would you tell me?" until he thinks through what he was hoping to achieve, whether it was to put you down, make you jealous, make you body conscious, shame you into trying to conform to gender stereotype, etc etc. There is no nice, loving explanation, is there?

If he wanted you to wear sexy undies he could have peekef in your drawer to discover your size and bought you some for Christmas, couldn't he?

Ask him why he didn't just keep quiet and do that! He could have tried to make you feel fabulous but instead he tried to make you feel frumpy. What a turn-off.

Foolish man.

T0tallyFuckedUpFamily · 10/12/2019 02:09

I dont see the problem, just ask him to get you a nice revealing body suit, is it a crime to look sexy these days.

She’s not a fucking blow up sex doll bought for his sexual pleasure. How revolting, to tell a woman to submit to her husband’s creepy sexual demands. It’s one thing for a woman to choose to dress sexy, but entirely different for a man to try to guilt her into wearing something for his sexual pleasure. People who feel that women should wear sexy clothes at her husband’s behest, even if they’re unhappy doing so an unhealthy attitude to women or set their own bar for relationships very low.

T0tallyFuckedUpFamily · 10/12/2019 02:10

*doing so, have an ...

stupidtabloidheadlines · 10/12/2019 03:02

Ha! If he really did, and this isn't some stupid ruse to get you to wear whatever, that woman will be thinking how sad and thirsty he is.

HannaYeah · 10/12/2019 03:13

Do you have kids? Because if not, I’d be seriously considering telling him to go.

CircleofWillis · 10/12/2019 06:50

Could he have been trying to flirt with her and when got no response / shot down decided to tell you about his message to 'cover his back'. I.e. "no I wasn't coming on to her, she must have got the wrong end of the stick. Honestly why would I tell you about it if I was doing something shady" etc.

Bluntness100 · 10/12/2019 06:53

Is it not clear why he told you. He's basically said it. He wants you to wear something like that.

Original poster

Immyidiot · 10/12/2019 08:47

Wow thanks everyone for your almost unanimous agreement!
I definitely agree, the thing I’m most angry about is that she’s probably now thinking that he wants a bit on the side! Or wondering whether I know/whether to tell me etc..I imagine it’s put her in a bit of an awkward position.
Also as an aside, I have absolutely no hard feelings towards her, she’s great and to have the confidence and body to pull those pictures off; good for her!

OP posts:

Duchessgummybuns · 10/12/2019 08:56

This is so weird. Is that really what he said to her, or is what he really said much worse, so he’s invented this weird story to cover?

Original poster

Immyidiot · 10/12/2019 09:19

I wonder if he said to her ‘wow you look so sexy’ and then got rejected and so added the ‘wish my wife would wear something like that’ onto the end to try to convince me that he wasn’t trying it on with her, he was talking about me to her.
Except it’s backfired massively whatever the explanation!

OP posts:

f00k · 10/12/2019 09:44

It's negging in one form or another. Designed to put you down and erode your self esteem.

This was my first thought too. He's said it to make you feel jealous. I wonder if he even sent the message, or he's made that up as an excuse to tell you how beautiful this woman is and what you should be wearing. Does he have form for being like this?

Rumnraisin · 10/12/2019 10:01

Is it his idea of damage limitation? By telling you about this, he is hoping it will minimise it in case you ever found out from the woman what his actual intentions were.

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