To ask for some help (or even just some solidarity) re my toddlers behaviour??

[OhChristmasTreee]

She’s two and a half. She’s my DD2. She’s really switched on, clever, quite advanced in terms of her speech. Whatever DD1 (aged 5) does, she needs to do it too. She is very very wilful and stubborn.

She is an affectionate and loving wee soul but has always been a live wire (her and DD1 are chalk and cheese). As a baby she slept during the day in 20-minute stints, so bad was her FOMO. She was always on the go. Things got easier and she calmed down a bit when she got onto her feet. She goes to nursery 3 days per week (while I work) and seems to enjoy it. She needs to be kept busy and stimulated and nursery certainly does that.

The past month or two however, her behaviour has nosedived. She’s doing things that she knows full well are naughty (drawing on walls, throwing food, deliberately spilling her juice etc). I know it’s all standard toddler behaviour but she laughs when told no. She will actually run towards the wall to draw on it when she sees me coming because she knows I’ll lift her away and she wants to do it before I get to her.

She is destroying my house if I’m honest. I feel like I am fighting a losing battle with it. She’s wrecked the couch. She deliberately breaks or spoils things. She worships the ground DD1 walks on (and DD1 is a brilliant big sister) but she will wind her up by hitting her for no reason or scribbling on pictures etc.

The absolute worst, however, is the car seat thing.

We have a Cybex Sirona. We wanted to ERF our girls because we do a lot of motorway driving. It cost us a bloody fortune. She can escape the damn thing. It doesn’t matter how tight the straps are (we have adjusted the height as well) she will persevere until she gets her arms out then she’s practically rolling around in the back of the car. She KNOWS this is serious. I will pull over at every opportunity to put her back in but half the time she’s back out of it before I’ve even started the car back up. She thinks it’s hilarious. “I am BAD MUMMY!!!”

It’s so stressful. I have tried her in grandparents car seats etc and the result is the same. She will not stop until she’s out.

Sorry that was a novel. I just have no clue how to deal with it. I know it is a phase and this too shall pass but she’s trashing my house in the meantime. DD1 was a dream toddler she was so easy going so I have never really had to do this. I am however conscious of expecting too much of her. She is after all only 2.5...

Sounds standard toddler behaviour to me. They are persistent little buggers.

You need to try different tactics. Whatever worked on DD1 is not going to work now. You are going to have to be a different parent to DD2. She is not going to get the same experience of you, and that's ok.

Some kids can be kept in line with just one look. Some need time out. Etc. Try different tactics and be aware to change them when they stop working!

I have a ds2 who is challenging, to say the least, though in different ways. He wants to be on the naughty list. (we haven't got one, clearly has heard about it elsewhere)

're the car seat. It's very laborious, but you need to pull over every single time. And not move until she's safe. Then pull over again, and again
Turn back from going to "fun" outings, things she wants to do. Tell her why. Follow through. She needs to learn that it's non negotiable. Good luck!

The car seat thing drives me to actual despair. I’ve been avoiding a visit to my parents (two hours away) because it is so unbearable

When DS was about 2.5 he started pushing boundaries too. I always made sure there was natural consequence and followed through every single time (even if it made my life difficult).

Misbehave in soft play - told we'll leave if he does it again.
Throw a toy at something - remove toy
Refusing to get into buggy if we were going somewhere that required it - we don't go then.
Etc.

With the drawing on walls, give her a warning then remove the crayons.
Spilling juice and throwing food - take it away.
Car seat - turn back

Always give a warning first, explain in clear language if she does it again what the consequence will be. Consequence has to be immediate and natural to the situation.

Oh and more positive praise and attention, a lot of misbehaviour is purely attention seeking.

My daughter is the same in her car seat. Drives me insane. We have a set of books which are only used in the car (so she doesn’t get bored of them). We have an anti escape system fitted and for long journeys I make a bag full of little toys as a distraction. I also chat a lot - I find the more engaged my daughter is the less she tries to escape. I have her looking out for red cars or tractors or Christmas lights. It doesn’t stop the escaping completely but it definitely helps keep it to a minimum.

What’s the anti-escape system??

My DS is a mini Houdini with any kind of strap I've found Ikea food bag clips work put it across the part in the chest - I've also tried the actual Houdini clips you can get on amazon- so far so good!

I feel your pain. My DS2 is exactly the same. He knows he is pushing me to the limit and I really don’t know what else to do. We use ‘thinking time’, we take away toys, turn off the tv, don’t give treats etc. I don’t know what else to try. We have no family to help out so this is constant from the minute he gets up to the minute he goes to bed (where luckily he sleeps well)
Sorry no advice for you but know you’re not alone. Sending you lot of hugs as I know you need them as much as I do right now xx

Take it the car seat has a harness and not one of the bumper things?

We have a kiddy one and a cybex one with the bumper thing. I can't imagine how they could get out of them.

They do winge and fight occasionally bwgen you're putting it on though.

*when

The cybex one.

The bumper is for forward facing I think (although I could be wrong?) I want to keep her rear facing. She’s also quite small for her age and hasn’t reached the red line for forward facing anyway.

DD1 absolutely hated the bumper

Can you keep crayons ect out of her reach and only let her use them when supervised?

I would also follow previous posters advice about stopping once when driving and if she does it again go home.

Ds was willful and enjoyed being naughty so I feel your pain. I now have a lovely home and a lovely ds, it does get better.

Join this group @OhChristmasTreee You can see what straps etc the knowledgeable Admins recommend for escapees and also check for fit/position for how your dd is currently in her seat.

Oh thank you piglet I’ll do that

I feel your pain. She sounds v similar to my DS. We certainly have our work cut out with him.

I wouldn’t change him for the world but boy I’m knackered some days. Our house is a wreck too!

I try to discipline him, it’s hard at this age. Sometimes I laugh along with him and think life’s too short.

The car seat issue is a mare. I seemed to get through to him recently by explaining that if we crashed he might fly through the window and be very hurt 😳 He listener intently then said he wanted his straps on 😬👍

Have you tried the car seat shirt trick? Basically put her in wearing an unbuttoned shirt/blouse. Then buckle the straps and button the shirt up over the straps.

Google car seat shirt trick and there are pictures.

In terms of trashing things, she gets a warning and then the item is removed. Further poor behaviour results in time out. Also make sure when she is well behaved that you praise her lots. Try and do some activities like baking and painting (insert favourite activity) as a reward. Possibly a reward chart system?

No advice but lots of solidarity here! My DS just turned 3 and I can cope with all the cheekiness and "naughty" behaviour but it drives me to despair when I'm trying to tell him off (using my firm voice, at eye level Super Nanny style etc) and he just laughs in my face !! argh! They are little terrors at this age! Lucky they are so cute and funny too or mine would have been put out with the recycling a long time ago ha ha

My DD goes through phases of getting arms out the car chair too. I can’t turn around and go home every time as then I’ll be out of a job.

I wouldn't recommend it for anything else but for safety reasons I would try heavy sarcasm. That sounds daft in relation to toddlers but

'Oh dear, xx is being such a baby again, bo o o o r r r r i i i i n n n n g g g g'

'dear me, isn't your sister being a big baby' whilst giving zero attention to her other than refastening the straps 'won't it be great when she is a big girl, like you'.

Doing what you need to do for the little one but giving all the attention to the older one who is behaving.

She sounds bored. Is she getting lots of imaginative play with you interacting with her? Pretend play is a real outlet for them at this age and it's common for them to get stuck in a stage of play and get destructive because an adult hasn't showed them how to move it on. Probably even more the case for her because she's bright. You need to sit on the floor with her and some little figures and a castle or house or whatever and work through little scenarios. Also introduce some more difficult puzzles and games, Orchard games do some good ones.

incarsafetycentre.co.uk/belt-collector

Might help with the escaping!