To ask how you go grey wall?

[Whyjustwhy23]

Is that the right term? I have a situation with a friend (feel free to check other thread but not linking here) and I don’t know if to stick to total silence (as we will see each other at school every day for what feels like forever), or to reply and offer to talk.

Thing is, no good will come of talking because I believe what I believe, she won’t admit it and she’ll either talk me round (has happened before with others to my serious detriment as I’m too soft), or to maintain total grey wall.

I HATE confrontation, I feel awful other people being upset but no good will come of my explanation of why I’m done. BUT she’s not letting it go. I’ve had a VMessage basically saying I’m wrong, she was trying to help me, I clearly feel embarrassed about my inability to apologise as she’s done nothing (and everyone else will think that too). Followed by videos of her kids sending messages to mine, I assume in an attempt to FORCE me to reply. Because it’s for the kiddiwinks (they are best friends).

AAARRRGGGHHHHH.

Do you mean grey rock?
As it says on the tin. Respond as a grey rock would-ie not at all... or if you must with non committal sentences....
Ie

Person ' I think this this and this and this is why'
You 'oh do you think so, that's interesting' and leave it at that...

Yes grey rock thank you! Ok. Hmmmm not sure I’ll get to non committal she’s kind of intense...

It's easy. Be as interesting as a grey rock.

I already am 😀

Ok will try for bland it’s so hard!

Oh just send her a text "will you EVER just feck off for yourself!"

I have to go grey rock all the time with my ex and children’s father.
A top tip is write swear words on the roof of your mouth with your tongue while the person you really want to throttle showboats and projects and provokes in general.

“ fucker”;
“Twat face”
“Misogynistic shit bag”

Are especially satisfying

Feel free to adapt but I find it is amused me and enraged him

I thought this was going to be an interior decorating thread and was coming to suggest not to do grey it's a bit 2010s :) - but of course grey rock is a timeless skill.

BMW I SO WANT TO. Particularly with the emotional blackmail kids videos. I mean, I have them but I don’t even like kids...

Stop that is perfect

Monna and yet a valid contribution as I was considering grey for the living room now its off the list!

Oh god I’m soo crap at feeling guilty and / or confrontation. On a serious note I have PTSD and the thought of the tension makes me physically shake. I’m happier ignoring but it’s going to be every day and I don’t want to cave for an easier life, the. Get fucked over again. Last person I “forgave” and made allowances for shagged my ex husband

Whyjustwhy23 thank you for your gracious response, I was being silly do your walls any colour you like :) and sorry about the situation with your friend. Human relations are hard! x

Oh. I assumed it was a typo and was ready with all my advice about going grey well.

Oh I just learned a new term.

Who can i grey rock next? 😆🤔

Why it's really easy once you get the hang of it! The trick is not to think too much about what they are saying. Do you remember when the toddler was chattering away to you in the shopping trolley? You managed to maintain a 'really? Uhuh. Right. Mm' type conversation, while actually comparing prices of washing powder. That's what you do.

To distract yourself from what she's saying, you could wonder if her shoes hurt, where she gets her leggings, whether she had weetabix for breakfast etc.

You can diversify from 'mmm' and 'uhuh' with fascinating things like observations on the weather, wondering if the kids will be much longer, commenting on how the kids get taller everytime you see them... really bland stuff.

Just don't engage or give her anything to work with.

In real life, you can say 'Mmmmmm' a lot.

A text equivalent is, 'Oh, ok'. Followed by, 'Anyway, got to dash, it's all very busy here.' Followed by radio silence.

The second day, 'Oh, ok. Anyway, busy busy.'

Gradually extend the silences to every second day, then every third day, etc, so by the end of, say, a fortnight, you have hardly any contact.

Right cool on that basis I can reply with a “awe cute video” and just not respond to the rest. Ad nauseum.

Yes, something like that. The key is to ignore any subsequent text or verbal dramatics.

Is it working?

It is so far. Two mornings of no contact. Starting to feel guilty and wondering if I should should at least talk it out

But only because I can’t stand this tension at school every day forever. Can’t actually see what benefit talking will bring. Argh I’m so crap!

No you're not crap. What you are is different from her.

You'll never figure her out. Don't waste your energy on it. Divert it to something more productive in your world.

Put earphones in and listen to music at the school gate.

I used to read the Guardian

Haha thank you! That’s true, earphones is a grand plan!