STBXH contact over Xmas

[clpsmum]

Been trying to arrange Christmas and where children will spend it with STBXH since December. Various text messages and two solicitors letters all ignored. Sat down with eldest DC and asked him what dates he thinks they should spend with their dad and which dates they should spend with me. Sent this via solicitor and email to STBXH. He ignored again. Today I text him again to ask when he wants to see them over the Christmas dates. He doesn’t basically. He’ll see them on a Saturday as usual but nothing more. AIBU to find it disgusting that a father doesn’t want to see his own DC over Xmas and upset on their behalf?

It is so sad for the children that their father doesn't want to see them. But I would stop trying so hard.

I'm still waiting to hear from my ex if he wants the children. I have told him they are available from 26th - 29th dec. if he doesn't see them that is his loss and the children and I will go about our business.

I know managing the fall out isn't easy. My youngest takes it hard when she is let down. I just remain vague and say I'm sure daddy will see them soon and distract them.

I'm sure the children will have a lovely Christmas with you. And you will pull out all the stops. You aren't responsible for their father and they will see him for what he is.

My ex actually told the children 'can't see you over Xmas as OW kids are, see you Saturday as usual'.
My kids are gutted.

How would you feel if he said he wanted to see them all Christmas Day?
Isn't it better in a way that you probably won't have to be without them on the "best" days?

Why are you busting a gut to facilitate contact? He obviously doesn't give a shit so stop trying. I hardly think with this attitude he will give the children a good time. Let them spend Chrsitmas at home.

I hope they do at the moment they seem to think everything is my fault 😩. He wants to have them as and when he feels like it and not put any firm plans in place.

So sad when fathers act like this. I hope your ex comes through and wants to see his children.

The hilarious thing is he keeps telling me what a monster I am and how much the children hate me and he thinks I'm a terrible pre t and need to make more of an effort with them! Then he doesn't even want to make the effort to see them at Christmas!

I can't actually believe that these men exist! I'm so sorry, what utter tears. Focus your energy on making your DC's Christmas amazing. It is the 'dad' who will miss out and regret it.

Yanbu for been upset on the dc behalf .

Depending on age of dc . You may unreasonable asking them when dad is so flakey. I also wouldn’t waste my money on solicitors letters . Spend the money on a great Christmas instead.

@sadwithkiddies omg how terrible. Some people have no regard for the kids feelings 😡

You're all right I'll stop trying so hard. The kids want to see him and I wanted to be reasonable but you're right it's his loss.

Stop spending your energy on chasing STBXH. I take it you are happy to have your children all the time? If so, be glad that you are the one who is going to end up with a really lovely, close relationship with them.

They don't need him. He's a loser. My DH travels and works away a lot. Not the same thing I know but they get stressed and upset when he is away. What I do now is I save all the cool stuff for when he is away so they don't miss him. He's going away for a week next week and we are doing a road trip to see family which they love.

Turn a negative situation into a positive. If they are not seeing him, book cinema, go for lunch, get their mates round. I have a motto that I don't let anyone else sh!t get in the way of us having fun.

Thats rubbish for your kids :(. Im the other extreme and he expects all 3 days for him and nothing for me.

I have no experience but please keep all the evidence so you can show DC when they are older so he can’t re-write history.

Thanks everyone. Didn't think I was being unreasonable but started to doubt myself. What kind of father doesn't want to see his kids at Christmas ffs. Better off without him tbh

My ex has been offered half Christmas Day and full Boxing Day for our first separated festive season. He doesn't want them Christmas Day because he would have to give up early morning drinking. I'm banned from his parents every other day of the year but Christmas Day I'm apparently allowed to drop them off at 3pm Christmas Day. Err no! They can stay at home and you can get them when boozing doesn't take priority

So upset today. I told my dc their dads decision and they've asked if I will ask him if they can just see him for a couple of hours on Christmas Day 😩

Poor little sweethearts! 😢 Tell them you’ve repeatedly asked.

This infuriated me. My XH is the same with our child. He makes no effort to see her extra on special occasions such as birthdays and Christmas. She doesn't seem too bothered by it but it breaks my heart on her behalf.

Why did you not offer him anytime on Christmas day?

@TheBusDriver I did offer him time on Christmas Day

I don't think you're unreasonable at all but might be biased because I'm just going through the same. We are civil enough not to need solicitors involved but it should be his turn to have DD Christmas day and he doesn't want her, doesn't actively want her Boxing Day but apparently she can go if she wants and she can't stay over at all because his gf is going to be there.

I can't understand it either, I'd never willingly give up the joy of Christmas morning and the excitement of Father Christmas having been. It makes me so sad for her mostly but I figure it's his loss and one day she'll see him for what he is. In the meantime I'm inwardly fuming about all the people who buy into his SM Disney dad charade.