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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask him to give me the money?

15 replies

User1223422 · 09/12/2019 18:21

I am currently pregnant and me and DP have been saving portions of our wages as I only get statutory maternity pay. I can’t save nearly as much as DP so my savings are “fun money” for entertainment, clothes, etc and DP savings will cover my contributions to mortgage and bills.

This weekend I have found out that he has not saved nearly enough so I will likely be ending mat leave sooner, unless his work provide overtime next year. He hasn’t received as much overtime as he expected this year and there have been some unexpected expenses (heating breaking, that sort of thing) this is fine but I’m gutted he didn’t tell me sooner so I could plan better

WIBU to ask him to transfer me the savings and the future savings so I know where we stand or am I being a massive control freak?

OP posts:
IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 09/12/2019 18:25

Yes it would be controlling. You can’t berate him for paying bills whilst waiting your savings on fun things.

bridgetreilly · 09/12/2019 18:25

I would say that those savings (yours and his) should be in a joint account.

John470322 · 09/12/2019 18:25

My wife and I have separate bank accounts but will transfer to each other as needed. If you need to plan ahead than no problem having a transfer of what is needed.

lovemenorca · 09/12/2019 18:30

His savings have gone on unexpected expenses that you were presumably aware of?
Where did you think the money was coming from?

Buck up OP. You’re floundering around for someone to blame for the fact you can’t afford to take the length of mat leave you’d like. It’s no one’s fault

Original poster
User1223422 · 09/12/2019 18:31

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss thanks for your reply - is that meant to be wasting my money on fun things? I have used “” because I don’t know what else to call it. But I mean entertainment for both of us such as taking DC out somewhere or buying both of us and the baby clothes when needed as we will not have any spare cash floating about

@bridgetreilly yes in hindsight I wish I had done that from the get go now. But as he’s normally great with money I didn’t think it would be necessary. Thanks for the advice I think this would be a good idea going forward

OP posts:
countdowntochristmas · 09/12/2019 18:34

I don't understand , he's not saved as much because of the heating bill and not has a much overtime and you spend your pay on ' fun things ' and he's unreasonable and you want him to pay you ? he's clearly got less money and somehow he's in the wrong . Hmm

TowelNumber42 · 09/12/2019 18:36

Joint savings account in future. Swap over to that now.

RandomMess · 09/12/2019 18:38

It sounds more like you haven't budgeted together with the funds you both had together and have both underestimated how frugal you would need to be for a longer maternity leave. I guess time to look at it together properly ASAP.

imnottoofussed · 09/12/2019 18:48

Confused by your statement that he is usually great with money like he has done something wrong. He hasn't spent it frivolously and just not bothered to save. He has saved as much as he can surely and you just didn't notice that he paid for the heating and didn't have as much overtime. Both at fault, you didn't notice and he didn't tell you.

Did you have a goal figure in mind on how much you would want to have saved together. You need to look at how far off that target you'll be and work together in adjusting expectations of how long you can take off work or what you can afford to spend on fun activities. He can also plan to take on overtime etc if you've got a shared/agreed goal.

AnneLovesGilbert · 09/12/2019 19:06

How’s he at fault for not getting overtime or paying for house things like the heating? Didn’t you realise he wasn’t doing as much overtime? Why didn’t you both keep taking stock of savings? I’m on on maternity at the moment and we check in at least once a month about what’s going in and out.

Gatehouse77 · 09/12/2019 19:10

It’s not controlling to have a discussion about it and use your solution as a starting point. Then see where the conversation goes.

MummytoCSJH · 09/12/2019 19:11

Is the issue that you budgeted and agreed the amount you would each save and he hasn't stuck to it? I think it's fine that he is saving for the normal expenses and you for extras during maternity leave if you have a lower wage than him. Why shouldn't he pay towards your maternity when you are having and taking care of his child, also enabling him to work?Confused

mrsbyers · 09/12/2019 22:01

Never build overtime into a budget , it’s not guaranteed

heartsonacake · 09/12/2019 22:10

YABU and controlling.

AnneLovesGilbert · 09/12/2019 22:16

Why shouldn't he pay towards your maternity when you are having and taking care of his child, also enabling him to work?

Where does OP say he isn’t?

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