I’m in my 40s, single, no children, living with my lovely sister and her family who help look after me, I work very part time in a great job and have a few close friends.
I’ve been unwell since my 20s. Up until then, I dated, was healthy and had a fun life. I’m very lucky to have a close knit family and friends. I am grateful for the people in my life.
I have a complicated health condition. I need to rest in bed a lot, or in a wheelchair. I just about manage a bit of work but it exhausts me. I don’t have much of a social life due to not having much money or energy. This is my life. It is what it is. I’m not going to get better, I will get worse. I’m not being pessimistic, it’s my condition.
I’d love to meet someone, a nice man to share my life with and to be part of a loving relationship. I cannot see it happening and occasionally, people ask me and I’m honest. I say I’d like to meet someone but my health precludes that. Inevitably, they always say something to try and make me feel better. I know they don’t mean to be cruel but it actually really hurts.
I’m dreading Christmas with the wider family.
I know many disabled and chronically unwell people meet loving partners but I am just not well enough to be out of the house that long. I am not able to have an intimate relationship and I just don’t think it’s going to happen because of my health and disability.
AIBU to think I’m going to remain alone and just accept it? I’m very sad about it but I can cope with it, I’ve dealt with far worse. AIBU to wish people would stop asking me and dragging it up, even if they have kind intentions?
AIBU?
To think I’ll never have a relationship and it’s actually a bit unfair to suggest otherwise?
xmassyThoughts · 09/12/2019 16:47
I thought this would be me.
There's a lot that's not great about my relationship but he's not phased by my medical problems and he seems genuinely happy with our status quo.
So it can happen, but I do see exactly where you're coming from. I had long stopped looking when my met my DP. I used to get a lot of attention on the dating sites but I just knew the majority of them wouldn't be into my reality.
Kept using POF so I could talk to random people and feel like you do if you get to go out and talk to people, a d made friends with this guy who had friends in common, interests in common, and we ended up falling for each other big time.
There's never been any pressures from him. It's me who would like some sort of physical relationship, it's just not that possible because of his weight. And the best I can do these days is lay there like a squeaky log 
Sometimes I wonder what I'd be doing once the kids have left home for good, if I was single. Having him in my life has mobilised me and I've recently found some easy physio which has helped my mobility. But I think I'd actually be OK on my own.
I don't see why you can't just plan for yourself, to make yourself as happy as you can, without someone having to be there. But don't write off that you might genuinely find someone kind, deep and caring. It just doesn't have to be the top of the list. Or even in the middle.
Bless you, xmassythoughts. You sound really nice and it is sad that you have so much poor health.
I'm not going to give you any tips about meeting someone except to say, it can happen.
In the meantime, carry on being your usual self which I'm sure is quite charming and try to enjoy the family you have. It's amazing how much love can be generated in a situation like yours, I have seen that in action. Plan/buy a few inexpensive but thoughtful little treats for your family which will be fun and they will appreciate it.
You deserve to have as good a life as possible.
Lots of love from me 
Thank you, everyone. 
I don’t want to be a cow to people who are well meaning but it hurts. Some people are just making conversation. I look much healthier on the outside than I am on the inside which I think lulls people into a false sense of security about my health.
I’m thinking about trying online dating again in the new year. I don’t have a lot of self confidence in my looks. I’ve piled on weight by comfort eating and huge doses of steroids. I look at myself and think “who’d want you?”
I usually try to focus on how lucky I am to have a few friends who stick by me no matter what. My sister, BIL and DNs bring me so much love and happiness. I’m so lucky to have them, being in their home keeps me well both physically and mentally. But still, it’d be nice to have a relationship.
YADNBU. My sister is in a similar position, and she’s also mightily sick of the platitudes like ‘You’ll find someone’, trotted out by people who might think they mean well but are merely trying to alleviate their own discomfort. Even those who genuinely mean well need to actually listen to you, and to stop invalidating your feelings by brushing them off with clichéd comments that make you feel worse.
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OP. The thing is that it seems so callas to say to someone that yes, you know that they’re never likely to meet someone because some people will take offence at that or see that it is the able-bodied writing off the disabled and so on.
But the reality is that it is harder for people with longer term conditions and disabilities to find meaningful relationships. I have a long-term health condition and was already in a relationship when I was diagnosed, but if I hadn’t been I have no doubt that I wouldn’t have put myself out there for rejection, because rejection is inevitable. And actually, there have been people who have advised my DP to leave me and have told him that most people would and no-one would blame him if he did because no-one should have to live with someone else’s disabilities. So if people take that attitude towards people already in relationships, then it’s not hard to see that people who are looking for a relationship might think twice before becoming involved with someone with a long term health condition or disability. Not least because if you don’t already know them then you don’t have their personality and the person they are to factor into the equation when thinking about the pitfalls of becoming involved with their health conditions, iyswim.
You have to do what you have to do. You don’t need to write yourself off necessarily, but I think it’s better to be realistic than to soak up the platitudes and wait for that relationship to happen when it might not.
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