To hate the passive-aggressiveness in UK office culture?

[GinDaddy]

Fully prepared to be flamed but here goes:

I've recently had the very good fortune to work in a couple of locations outside the UK; that's Hong Kong for a few weeks, and the US (West Coast) for 10 days.

Coming back to the UK, it's scary to see some of the things I've reluctantly got used to in UK office culture. In particular:

Assumption as a form of shaming or bullying I've lost count of the number of times someone new in the organisation, or a direct report, is asked "Why hasn't X been done?" or "What on earth has happened here?" as the FIRST instance of discussing a topic.

This is said to someone who unless telepathic, could have no knowledge of the subject or request that person is asking. Usually always done in a meeting to make the person look important and subjugate the person addressed.

Head tilting and 'I don't understand' as a way of challenging It infuriates me that folk can't just say "I've reviewed X, it doesn't look like it's working; what's your opinion, how could we get to a better solution?"

Nope - it's "I don't understand" or "I'm confused", followed by a smirk and a head-tilt. Ridiculous. Always designed to make the other person uncomfortable and rush into an explanation, another power play from a weak/insecure person.

Mass CCing on emails when the CC'd party isn't part of the working group

Why - why do people still do this? We know why - often it's passive aggressive rather than proactive, it's a not so subtle way to highlight the role of the sender in the project, and show their 'proactiveness'.

I know sometimes folk need to be on a thread to respond or take action, but it's the mad CC'ing of bosses on every minute line item. Make it stop!

It never used to be like this. Is this a new policy? Often said by people who fully well know it's nothing new, but they don't want to address the thing sent, so instead attack the policy.

I could list many others, but please add more examples I've missed.

The question is AIBU to think we are quite a passive-aggressive culture in the UK when it comes to office interactions? What can we do to change it?!

Isn't posting here rather than challenging it at the time passive aggressive?

Totally agree. I worked 12 years in office based jobs in the UK in various locations across the country and found these examples to be common.

I’m now (for the past 5 years) working in an office in The Netherlands and the office culture couldn’t be more different. The Dutch can be very blunt/ direct - but once I got used to this, I find it very refreshing and much better to work with. People say what they mean, there is much less of the whole ‘game playing’, one-upmanship, passive aggressiveness. Colleagues seem more professional and focused on the tasks at hand, rather than all the petty squabbles and childish behaviour that I had been used to in the UK.

I don’t recognise this in the work I do at all. Or have done.

I think you work for the same company I do OP! I think it started because our bosses are so desperate to pin blame on someone when something goes wrong that people become defensive and look for a witch hunt.

Anyone who thinks this isn't reflective of Britain is in denial IMO, the British are notoriously passive aggressive. I spent some time working with American bosses and they were by it all.

My df and db would both agree with you.

Whilst not all the examples referred to have happened where I work, I agree with the OP. Especially the mass CCing into emails.

@Witchend

Who said that I don't challenge it at the time? I'm trying to lead my own culture based on empowering people rather than belittling them. I'm no saint and I'm not the only one in my organisation either, but I live what I'm saying here.

I just don't understand why direct, empowering, clear communication is so often eschewed in favour of really defensive asides, indirect criticism, strange power plays etc. It's prevalent, I see it, I've worked in both small and large offices over 20 years, and because I'm in a business support function, I've worked across lots of sectors also.

@ByStarlight amen, I briefly worked with some Dutch colleagues and what initially comes across as bluntness is actually just refreshing honesty - they want you to win with them, rather than play games.

I think people probably have had to work abroad to be able to comment. But yes I agree that British are generally not as direct as some other nationalities.

Although someone saying 'I dont understand / I'm confused' doesn't necessarily seem passive aggressive, I would say this if I didnt understand or was confused about something

The mass ‘cc’ing’ is more typical of the American culture than over here in my experience. That, and sending screen shots of instant messages - all very unprofessional. But as others have said, this is one multinational in one sector and it may be different elsewhere so I wouldn’t tar all Americans with the same brush.

"Head tilting and 'I don't understand' as a way of challenging"

THIS! It has now got to a point where I repeat whatever I initially said, like a robot. I do that until the other person gets irritated. Now no one says "But I don't understand..." in a passive aggressive way in my office.

Yes, I've seen all that happening. YANBU.

Yep, completely agree. I’m a support worker and, as you can imagine, what with mass cuts to public services, we’ve simply got too much on. Caseloads have trebled. Things are subsequently slipping because we simply have not got the time, resources or capacity to do our jobs properly. Every meeting it’s “why hasn’t x, y, z been done” (in a demanding / accusatory tone) but saying “I simply haven’t got the time” sounds feeble and like an excuse. It’s not! I’m sick of being belittled and made to feel incompetent.

I get where you're coming from, @MellowBird85!

I used to be a housing support worker, until a year ago. Today, I met up with some former colleagues and the new manager of the project I used to work on is plainly mad. My old team works a rural area. They've been told they've got to see all clients in the same area on the same day: no conception that some clients may only have a certain day off work or anything like that, or that staff may only have one client in a village at any one time.

They're told they have to come into the office to do their admin, no remote or home working, and then bollocked when their mileage has increased, because for some people getting to the office is a 20-mile round trip from their patch.

It's got so shit, people are leaving in droves, and now managers are panicking because they can't meet their targets because of a lack of staff. It was never like this before the new manager was in post.

Worked in offices for 18 years now and I don't recognise any of this. I think you've been unlucky with where you work.

@OoohTheStatsDontLie

My word absolutely - of course. If something isn't understood then people have to say they don't understand.

In the instances I'm giving however, this is a person going into a meeting and saying

"I don't understand why X hasn't taken an action here".

Designed to humiliate or shame another department before that person has had a chance to make a contribution to the meeting or explain their delay.

There's nothing to "not understand" that can't be solved by that same person asking

"We really need X done by Y. Can you tell us here if that's possible? Do you anticipate any delays? What tools or resources do you need to do this on time, how can I empower you, who senior could make this happen for you?"

Completely agree. Seems rife in Local Authorities.

OP - I agree 100% with you. The witch hunts I observed have been vile.

In my bit of the public sector, like MellowBird85, we have an increasing workload without the time, staff, capacity to do it.
I agree that the tactic of demanding and accusatory tone, coupled with unrealistic demand is prevalent, and it's shit.
They all seem to become enraged by the truthful statement that we don't have time, or in my case, when I pointed out that we have been 1/3 staff down for a few months, I was shot down in flames with such venom, it felt personal. I think management have been having training on how to do this, and how to talk over, flannel and bombast.
When I became angry and had a (polite) go back, about not wanting to hear the truth and not being listened to, it became all about me behaving unacceptably, not what I was saying.
It feels like being gaslighted in an abusive relationship!

I get where you're coming from,

@LakieLady bet you’re glad your out of it! We’ve actually got the opposite problem - they’ve took our office / desks of us and provided tablets (which don’t work and fail to upload notes to the main system...another thing to get bollocked for - joy!). It’s been suggested we use WiFi at a Costa Everyday I wonder why I keep turning up. The shit thing is, I don’t mind a challenge and being busy. What I DO mind is jobsworth managers / senior support workers making you look useless in front of colleagues. The subtle eye rolls, the sighing when you say you’ve got too much on, the threatening tone of emails i.e. we need to be using this form now and it’s a disciplinary offence if you don’t. Oh please fuck off

@Giggorata I don’t think the public sector wants to accept that their staff have limits. There’s only so much realistically that one person can do, you simply cannot split yourself in two. And yes, agree that there seems to be a bullying culture developing to scare people into not raising concerns / complaining about it.

I think you men more corporate than doing the books in your local Kwik Fit which is why the silly comments from the sheltered Mumsnet mums. I agree, in the ME and far east, corporate culture and core values have moved on significantly but the UK just doesn't seem to follow. We try hard not to deal with British companies and draw straws to travel to investment meetings in London because they are so miserable. Japan and Stockholm are current favourites.

Worked in two offices - both public sector - and can relate to your scenarios.

I'd never work in an office again.

I think you men more corporate than doing the books in your local Kwik Fit which is why the silly comments from the sheltered Mumsnet mums.

What a nasty snobbish comment.