Mother wants to spend all of Christmas at her house.

[AG29]

Back story, mother of 2 living with long term partner. Live only about a 20 minute drive from my parents which isn’t far but..

Every Christmas my mum expects me to go over to hers on Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and Boxing Day for a few hours each time and gets offended if we don’t. But I just want to spend time in our home and just visit the once.

She’s not lonely or elderly. She lives with my stepdad and teenage siblings.

She’s always spent every Christmas with my grandparents (still does) but she was a single mum when we were little and she’s estranged from her mil. She doesn’t seem to understand that we also have my in laws to see and also just like to do our own thing. We have two children with additional needs and we sometimes just want to chill at home doing our own thing. They never visit us and they don’t have to leave their home.

She doesn’t bother this much during the day so aibu to think we don’t have to spend every single day at Christmas with them just because it’s Christmas?

We want to start our own traditions doing our own thing.

I always want to stay in Boxing Day. So DC can have a proper look at their toys and watch films, eat rubbish....

Good luck AG29, thinking of you, I also have a difficult parent who I am usually too scared to cross.
Remember that the vast majority of people only see their parents for one day over christmas, you are NOT being unreasonable.

I reached the point with my DM where nothing I did made her happy, and nothing I did for her made me happy and realised that there was no point, so I stopped trying, and just made myself happy instead.

Naturally it didn't go down well at first, but phrases like " that's your choice" put the consequences of her demands back on to her, instead of making me feel guilty. (A decade on and life it much better. It's still a cool relationship, but she behaves better as she knows what my boundaries are now after a few awkward years)

Adult relationships need boundaries, and some need enforcing manually. It is not reasonable to make a young family traipse backwards and forwards and ignore their needs.

Do what makes you happy. Put the consequences of any childish stropping back on her. Have a fantastic Christmas.

Be firm. Do it via text if necessary. Mention having DHs family to visit and the challenges and adjustments you need to put in place for yourself, having DC with additional needs.

If she fails to understand that, then so be it. Get on with your life and leave her to sulk and ignore you.

Any reasonable human being would be understanding.

State the one day you're going over and stick to it.

Who voted that she was BU? Own up

Obviously you're not BU OP, be firm and if she gets huffy that's her problem not yours