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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be fuming at this kid hitting mine?

29 replies

PJFaks · 08/12/2019 18:58

We were at soft play before, my DP and DS who is 4 next month. Whilst he’s confident and make friends easily he’s a sensitive soul and is kind to every child he meets.
We were about to leave and we’re watching him in the soft play about to tell him to come down when we saw another child, who looked younger than mine push over DS who fell to the floor. He’s not been well all week and today is the the first day he hasn’t been out after being off nursery all week. He cried loudly and I went in to get him. Whilst I was on my way to get him DP saw the child run back over to DS, and hit him hard repeatedly in the face, over and over, and then he ran off.
I retrieved my son and when I came down a family next to us were also talking about the hitting child, who had then hit one of there’s. They told me where the child’s parents were and without thinking I went over and spoke to his father and told him his child was hitting several children and he needed to ‘have a word’. His response “he’s only 2 you know”. I completely understand this, he’s practically still a baby. But should that make it okay for my three year old (and other children) to be hurt and crying? My DS has a visible red mark on his face where he had been hit. His father did not seem to care.

I’ve not felt anger like this but know this child was just 2 and kids do this! Any words of wisdom? Was I BU to complain to his father?

OP posts:
mrcow · 08/12/2019 19:02

No you weren’t in the wrong.

And the father sounds devoid of any parenting skills.

HoneysuckIejasmine · 08/12/2019 19:02

No. All kids hit at least once IME and you were right to expect the parents to do something, even if it's just to apologise on their child's behalf.

Velveteenfruitbowl · 08/12/2019 19:02

YABU to br angry at the child. YANBU yo he irritated at the father who was doing an inadequate parenting job, although anger is a bit much given that no one was really hurt.

NoooorthonerMum · 08/12/2019 19:02

Lots of two year old's are hitters it's normal but usually if you know your child's a hitter you'd stick to them like glue in the soft play. This two year old seems especially aggressive so should have been watched closely.

DewDropsonKittens · 08/12/2019 19:04

When I've come across similar situations, I have approached the family or parent to say that I think their child is overwhelmed as they appear frustrated and are hitting out

This comes across as caring rather than confrontational in my experience, then gets the hitter out for a bit

PinkCrayon · 08/12/2019 19:04

I don't understand why he isn't watching his 2 year old like a hawk. So strange how people don't watch their little kids in play places.

IHateBlueLights · 08/12/2019 19:06

Sadly this is exactly the sort of child who grows up to be a bully.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 08/12/2019 19:06

Was I BU to complain to his father.

Being unreasonable or not being unreasonable doesn’t really come into it.
If you’re going to fight with parents over kids. It’s all you’d be doing. You need to learn to relax a bit. Granted the dad could have apologised.
Kids hit and push each other all the time. It’s just a part of growing up.

SweetAsSpice · 08/12/2019 19:06

The perils of soft play. It can become very Lord of the Flies. And often many parents ignore their children the entire time they are there. In future, have a word with the staff.

Oysterbabe · 08/12/2019 19:08

My nearly 2 year old does tend to whack other children if they interfere with what's he's doing. The difference is I watch him like a hawk and would scoop him up and apologise at the first sign of trouble.

Tvstar · 08/12/2019 19:09

Maybe your ds needs to be abe to stand up for himself a bit. A 4 year old being beaten up by a baby half his age!!

Ponoka7 · 08/12/2019 19:10

Two is the age that you can start to correct them and he should be doing just that.

His behaviour would suggest that he's got aggressive older boys, cousins etc that he's copying.

Soubriquet · 08/12/2019 19:12

He’s only two and hits...well he needs to be more supervised doesn’t he

Original poster
PJFaks · 08/12/2019 19:16

I wasn’t angry at the child, I was angry at the fathers reaction and the fact he wasn’t watching his kid. I was watching mine, and saw what happened. If it had have been my child doing the hitting I also would’ve intervened and got him out to talk to him. And to say he wasn’t hurt... he was crying loudly and had a bright red mark on his face. It wasn’t just a one time hit, it was hitting him whilst he was already on the floor crying repeatedly! He’s obviously okay now though.
I understand it’s part of growing up, and I remember my child hitting another child once when he was 2 - and I saw, and was mortified and actually went over to the mother to apologise before she even said anything to me. Kids hit, but this seemed a little more, and he wasn’t doing anything to interfere, at all, the child ran over and did this completely unprovoked.
I’ve spoken to DS today about standing up for himself, as he didn’t at all and he needs to toughen up!
I just felt on reflection had I acted out of line. I didn’t want to fight with his parents, I just wanted to let him know that his child was hurting other children aggressively without any reason.

OP posts:
ItsChristmaaaaaaaaas · 08/12/2019 19:17

‘Only 2’ - in that case the family need to be all over him. DS never felt the need to whallop another kid (apart from year 5 when he bopped a bully on the nose).

FreedomfromPE · 08/12/2019 19:21

So the 2 year old was left unsupervised? That's insane, who leaves a 2 year old to their own devices!

Jeleste · 08/12/2019 19:22

YANBU. My DS used to hit and push. I used to watch him like a hawk in playgrounds and followed him around ready to intervene before he got to hurt other kids. When i was too slow i used to be so embarassed and of course explained to DS that hitting is not ok while apologising to the other child/the parents. It exhausting, but has to be done. How is the child gonna learn if nobody teaches him?
I would have been upset too at the fathers reaction!

Jaxhog · 08/12/2019 19:25

Maybe your ds needs to be able to stand up for himself a bit. A 4-year-old being beaten up by a baby half his age!!

Well, a 3-year-old can't easily remonstrate with 2-year-old to stop and expect him to listen! Hitting back isn't the answer either. 2-year-olds need parental supervision, especially if they're inclined towards hitting.

missyB1 · 08/12/2019 19:31

I work with two year olds, they don’t all go round hitting and being aggressive, but some do. So it’s not “abnormal” as such but not obligatory part of being two either.
We know our “hitters” we watch them very closely always ready to intervene. Their behaviour is addressed and they are made to apologise. It’s clear some parents let them get away with it though probably using the excuse “they’re only babies”.

Cornettoninja · 08/12/2019 19:37

Maybe your ds needs to be abe to stand up for himself a bit. A 4 year old being beaten up by a baby half his age!!

Hmm

But it’s a fair point - I wonder if that dad going to be so relaxed when a bigger kid inevitably hits his 2 year old back?

It’s a credit to your son that he didn’t react using his advantage; you should be proud of him.

Whilst YWNU to approach the child’s father I’ve found there’s little point in engaging with people like this. Their quite happy to allow the law of the jungle then are shocked when their little terror is forever causing issues at school and struggling to maintain friendships. It’s really sad for that little boy but if his parents don’t see fit to socialise him appropriately there isn’t much you can do.

I don’t have a problem telling random children off if I see them being unkind, it usually at least breaks up whatever mischief they’re currently creating.

aSofaNearYou · 08/12/2019 19:45

If he's only 2, what sort of soft play was it that they couldn't see where he was and you couldn't quickly get to your son? If he's that young surely he should have been in a tiny toddler area.

I can imagine not watching a 4 year old but not a 2 year old.

YANBU but I wouldn't dwell on it, this incident alone won't have any lasting impact on your son.

Original poster
PJFaks · 08/12/2019 19:51

asofanearyou it was a relatively small soft play area in the back room of a Brewers Fayre pub. Whilst I could see what they were doing they were up high so I had to run in and climb up! I wouldn’t have let my 2 year old run round in soft play unsupervised though, it’s relatively new that I let DS do it now and even then I’m watching like a hawk!

I’ve calmed down now it’s just one of those things. As cornett says there’s little point engaging in parents like this. Although in my defence I didn’t realise he would be so relaxed and nonchalant before I spoke to him! We quickly left after speaking to him. I suspect another family may have had words with him too and his child was causing havoc by the looks of things!

OP posts:
Raspberrytruffle · 08/12/2019 19:53

He may only be 2 but discipline starts from a young age, I'm not talking about shouting or smacking I'm talking about suitable boundaries from the start. When a parent says in their only a baby it's a fucking cop out they are lazy bastards.

Charm23 · 08/12/2019 19:54

I'd be angry too OP. Yes the kid was only 2 but that doesn't mean that he can't start to learn the difference between right and wrong behaviour. His parents should have been keeping an eye on him and making sure that he doesn't hit others or get hit himself. Can't believe the dad didn't apologise and just excused his behaviour because of age, such poor parenting!

Jenpop234 · 08/12/2019 19:58

YANBU the parents should have been supervising him so this didn't happen. Lazy parenting. My DS is 18 months and if he did something like this he would be very firmly told no hitting and if he did it again I would take him home. Problem is, they weren't supervising him anyway.