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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

- ignored birthday

23 replies

hondagirl500 · 08/12/2019 16:19

It was my birthday on Friday.

A colleague (Sophie) at work also has a birthday, end of next week. About a fortnight ago, a mutual colleague who works with Sophie a lot, but also with me, came round with an envelope. 'I am collecting for Sophie's birthday - we are going to get her a giftcard for a facial'.
How nice I thought. I put in my contribution.

Colleagues knew about my birthday, I had been mentioning it as was going out with Hubby on Saturday to a London Show as my treat.

On Friday, my actual birthday, a couple of people said Happy Birthday to me, but that was it. No cards, no cake, and certainly no giftcard for a facial! AIBU to be a bit miffed?

OP posts:

tigerbear · 08/12/2019 16:21

I’d be really hurt by that too OP.
How mean and thoughtless of them.

Sparklesocks · 08/12/2019 16:22

I’m sorry OP. Any chance they’ll do something on Monday instead? Do they normally do collections for birthdays or was Sophie a bit of a one off? If it’s regularly the done thing I’d be miffed too!
Hope you enjoyed your birthday in spite of it

DontBiteTheBoobThatFeedsYou · 08/12/2019 16:23

Was it Sophie's 21st or 30th?

Original poster

hondagirl500 · 08/12/2019 16:26

Sophie and I are the same age.
Not that that should make any difference, imo.

OP posts:

weltenbummler · 08/12/2019 16:27

YANBU to be a bit miffed, but difficult to analyse without further background: is there a general culture at your workplace of celebrating birthdays and you are now the "odd one out" who did not have their's marked with card / cake etc?
has Sophie had a particularly hard time recently and this is people going the extra mile to cheer her up? Or has she got a "special" birthday coming up?
comparing Sophie and you, have you been at company for different lengths of time / are you of different generations/ personalities where one could be perceived to be more into celebrating birthdays than the other?...so many questions

ThunderboltandLightning · 08/12/2019 16:28

This used to happen where I work. Lots of collections for other people then nothing for my birthday. I have given up contributing.

ThunderboltandLightning · 08/12/2019 16:29

Same happened with maternity leave, lots of requests for donations for other people then nothing when I went on mat leave.

lovemenorca · 08/12/2019 16:31

It says a lot that you are “miffed” rather than even the slightest bit introspective as to why absolutely no one in your team was inclined to do for you what they did for another

Original poster

hondagirl500 · 08/12/2019 16:38

Sophie and I have been there for about the same length of time, we are both 'older' people, not youngsters!
We are both at the same level, well respected (or so I thought). Not 'special' birthdays.
I am puzzled as to why Sophie got a collection, but I didn't.

I won't be making any more contributions.....!

OP posts:

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 08/12/2019 16:39

I am also the Invisible Woman, despite trying very hard for other people -and generally being lovely . I am a bit unconvential, but my friends luffs me and me them. We are very loyal to each other. Other people though? That would be me, without the acknowledgement unfortunately. YANBU

Cryalot2 · 08/12/2019 16:53

Belated happy birthday and hope despite all it was a good one.
You have every right to feel hurt. Go into work with some cake tomorrow and tell them it was left over from your birthday..
Even you have to buy one for purpose.

Cherrysoup · 08/12/2019 16:57

So next time there’s mention of contributing to a birthday, just make it clear that you won’t be giving anything given yours was ignored.

Bluntness100 · 08/12/2019 17:01

I think this is as simple as someone who is close friends to Sophie decided to do this personally for her. Sadly no one thought to do it for you.

Well respected is not the same as liked or having good friends in the workplace, I'm sorry.

Try not to take it too hard. Justlook at it as one of Sophie's friends did this for her. I'm sure If you think about it, not everyone gets gifts on their birthday

Cornettoninja · 08/12/2019 17:03

Ah that is thoughtless of them.

Chin up, at least you’re being paid to associate with arseholes.

StrayWoman · 08/12/2019 17:06

Hmm tricky. Is the person that arranged this very close to Sophie? Does Sophie make an effort for other people, or is she very good friends with lots of others outside of the workplace?

Does everyone get an effort made for them or is this unusual?

TheReluctantCountess · 08/12/2019 17:07

I’d be hurt too. Don’t contribute next time.

I hope you had a nice birthday anyway.

Sunflower20 · 08/12/2019 17:21

Some people have low EQ. And clearly too tight to get a gift themselves so want a collection to look good. They probably want to brown nose her more. Don’t give it a second thought.

Lilo1206 · 08/12/2019 19:46

Happened to me when I went on maternity leave. 2 girls who went on ML were showered with presents cards etc from colleagues and management (and myself too). When I left for maternity leave I didn't even get a 'good luck' email from management, nor from colleagues. That is because I work night shifts, not days, so I'm not in the limelight hence not being 'important'.

Universalcredithelp1 · 08/12/2019 20:11

Same thing happened to me. It was my job to do the teams birthdays. Yet when it came to mine. And they knew it they didn't do anything. Could sense I was a bit icy. Then the Monday after left a box of jelly babies on my desk.... I don't eat gelatine. Again they know this. I used to make a proper effort too for team morale etc didn't bother doing birthdays again after that.

SleepingSoul · 08/12/2019 20:18

It's a bit like that where I work, they usually only bother with collections for milestone birthdays but if you're not one of the in crowd you don't get one, no one centrally coordinates it. I think it's a bit crap, should be one rule for everyone really, be it no collections, everyone every year or just milestones. I understand why you're miffed.

poorstudent1010 · 08/12/2019 20:33

I think the thing is that Sophie’s friend/close colleague organised this, one of your friends should have organised one for you as it isn’t centrally sorted as a PP said. I can see why it’s unfair or shows favour to the other colleague though.

My workplace is like this for leaving presents mainly. I used to go all out for colleague’s gifts but I definitely reigned it in later on.

Rainbowx · 09/12/2019 07:56

Happy belated birthday OP
Sorry this is shit I'd say something or get a huge bunch of flowers delivered with balloons and make them feel bad ! Dont ever give to others now too.

LatteLady · 09/12/2019 08:07

Same thing happened to me this year, I was asked to sign birthday cards for others on my birthday...

I was upset as I am the one who buys and pays for the sweets and chocs for the team each week, who sorts out the Christmas lunches and, finds rooms and diary slots when no one else can. It felt as though what I did, just didn't matter to any of them. And yes, it does hurt.

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