Am I just being sensitive?

[vyperboo]

My DH and I struggle to make ends meet but we still give out christmas cards and presents and birthday cards and presents to his family. His siblings (2 of them with their husbands and their young adult aged kids) have never said thank you for their presents. That doesn't really bother me as I was always taught to give rather than receive and love buying for others.

It's the fact that they don't even bother to at least acknowledge DH's birthday or my birthday each year. We're not bothered about not receiving a card but it does make us feel a bit, I suppose upset, that they can't even take the time to send a happy birthday text or a quick happy birthday message via facebook for instance.

We feel like we're not important in their eyes. It's not a lack of money why they don't send a card or anything as both of their households are on 3 X what we bring in a year and they are certainly not struggling - they have very lavish lifestyles compared to us. They don't send us christmas cards either so you'd think they'd at least wish us a merry christmas via text or facebook but nope.

AWBU that we feel a little upset this way? My DH thinks we should stop buying the adults cards and presents and just buy them for the kids but I feel this is being a bit tit for tat and they will think we are not buying anything just because they don't when in reality it's because we don't have the money!

DH's siblings don't not know when our birthdays are because their parents always remind them about a week beforehand plus they are daily users of facebook so that would flash up too so I don't see what their excuses are other than we are unimportant to receive a happy birthday wish for.

So what if they think it’s tit for tat? It’s practical tit for tat rather than malicious.

Present giving isn’t entirely altruistic - you’ve said you love buying for others, so you at least partly doing it because you get pleasure from doing so. Now, that pleasure has reduced. So don’t do it.

In the nicest way, you are being a mug here. Which doesn’t really matter if you can afford it, but you can’t. Stop - for grown up children as well. Send a text, end of.

I think you should stop buying presents for any of them! Honestly - they don't thank you, they don't reciprocate, what is the point? Particularly given you're not well off, it's a total waste of your money.

Thanks for your replies. Makes total sense and we probably are mugs but I still enjoy doing it lol. MIL is one of those where she expects everyone in the family to give each other cards and presents so will probably be upset that that might not happen anyone. I don't think she knows that they never acknowledged ours despite umpteen reminders about our birthdays to them and their birthdays to us.

Ffs why bother, they obviously don’t give a shit so why do you??

'MIL is one of those where she expects everyone in the family to give each other cards and presents so will probably be upset that that might not happen'

Is she not aware that her other children haven't bothered to do this?

Yes stop getting them gifts but as they're used to receiving gifts it might be good to scale back gradually. I would buy them a joint family gift like a board game or cheap hamper from Aldi. Then next year reduce it to a box of posh chocs or biscuits & that's it.

I don't really get the fact your mother in law expects it. Do they give you Xmas presents?

Stop sending them those things then, clearly they don't value them as you do

Just stop buying for them.