Hello this is more of a wwyd than AIBU so please excuse me. I’ve also put it on the relationships board but traffic seems very slow there.
For the last 10 years I have been good friends with a 4 work colleagues all currently between the ages of 40 and 55. We all have children of different ages from babies up to adults. We got on brilliantly at work and stayed in touch after we all started new jobs becoming ‘best friends’ I guess.
Over the last few years due to personal circumstances the friendships have changed. As I know is quite normal in friendships groups. A lot of my role has been of support to them through difficult times. I realised about 18 months ago that actually none of them knew anything about me at all any more and (through nobody’s fault I guess) i didn’t fit in and had a different outlook of life and didn’t find their behaviours and conversations were always very kind.
I tried to back away. However before I was able to do this totally, one friend’s adult daughter has become seriously ill. I didn’t feel I could just ‘dump’ her. However much I have tried to help this friend she refuses it and it is now becoming very worrying as a lot of of the uncomfortable behaviours I’ve witnessed recently have appeared even more now (ie lying about things, exaggerating, messages such as ‘I can’t talk but I’m really in a bad way’ followed by messages like ‘you don’t understand, no one helps’ and then when I try to help she gets angry).
The other friends have pretty much just given up on her. It always seems that when anyone actually has a problem that lasts longer than a couple of weeks they get fed up of it and start to try and put themselves at the forefront again.
None of them are really helping this other friend though on the surface say they are doing everything a good friend would do. I have tried for over 9 months to support her but it is actually making me feel quite depressed as it has taken over my life. She does have family and other friends. But is refusing help from everyone but then writes cryptic messages on Facebook about how lonely she feels.
There is a very high chance that her daughter will die soon despite there being a cure for her illness but the family and the daughter refuse all support and medical advice.
Obviously if she does die this is terrible. However, the other friends have already said that they will just offer commiserations but that’s as far as their thoughts go. I do have anxiety and depression and am aware that I have neglected my own family at times to help this person.
I am just not sure what to do or how to continue when I had already decided to back off from her and this group of friends before all this happened.