Regarding chores for dd?

[goodtimesahead]

Dd is 12, she is very lazy I do not think what I ask her to do is a lot, all she has to do is put her own belongings away, put her own clean clothes away, I ask Her to tidy her own room but that is a massive drama.

Dd has to dry the dishes that I have washed as I've been doing all the cooking and washing up. And I sometimes ask her to change the cats litter.

I think as it is only the two of us she could help out a little.

I cook us two different meals all the time as she likes different food to me, I make her lunches even though she can get free lunches but doesn't like them. I obviously do all cleaning and washing etc I just don't think what I ask her to do is too much.

Does your 12 year old do anything to help around the house? If so I'm interested to know what they do?

A family member of mine Thinks dd should never have to wash any dishes or dry any dishes but also that I should do less for dd too, as in make one meal that I want to eat and if she doesn't eat it tough.

How much do you work? I wouldn't be cooking 2 meals frankly. It's ok to expect a 12 year old to help out but my mum used to expect me to do far too much - cleaning the bathrooms etc - even though I was in school full time and she only worked 2.5 days each week. As soon as I left home she got a cleaner. It still pisses me off

To clarify I think washing/drying up and keeping your own bedroom tidy is a completely reasonable expectation of a 12 year old.

My 12 year old ds and 14 year old DS clean their bedrooms once a week (tidy up, polish and vacuum).
Ds washes up and dd dry up every night.
Ds vacuums once a week and dd sorts clean washing into piles once a week.

Your dd is taking the piss, she's twelve, if you tell her to tidy her room she should tidy her room. I'd take her phone away until she does it 🤷‍♀️

Mine does similar. Dries up sometimes, has to put own laundry away, tidies up etc. Does some laundry other small, day-to-day jobs as well

One of those ds means dd.

Oh, and if shd doesn't like the free lunches, she can make her own. Mine has done his own packed lunch since around 8yo!

Your 12yo should be cooking her meals if they are different to yours(I'm assuming that it's not complicated like a full roast from scratch) You can teach her how to cook double so that she can defrost the food on lazy days. Kids in primary school can prepare a packed lunch! If she's not good in the morning then she should make it in the evening and leave in the fridge.

Ds1 is 15 and DS2 is 12. They have to
Tidy their rooms (although their interpretation of tidy is different to mine)
Put their clean laundry away
Load and unload the dishwasher
On a weekend we have family meals and they have to load dishwasher and wash up pots and clean table and work surfaces after meal
Ad hoc jobs like hoover the kitchen on the weekend
Tidy their stuff away from around the house

I work and so I will cook for them during the week when I get home and then often cook again for DH and me as he gets home later. They often ask to help with the cooking. Ds1 will cook himself something (usually pasta) during the week twice as he has sport and leaves as I get home from work. They have cooked lunch at school.
They have made their own breakfasts for years
Ds1 gets pocket money.
We have a cleaner once a week so they don't need to help with cleaning just make sure rooms are tidy so they can be hoovered and dusted.
Oh and use the toilet brush make sure nothing is left behind after using the toilet 😤
What you are asking is not unreasonable.

My 2 are 10 and 13. They are meant to clean their rooms, they empty the dishwasher most days. If they have had a meal or snack I expect them to put their plate/cutlery either on the draining board or in the dishwasher, when I have done the washing and ironing I ask them to put their own clothes away.
My BIL was amazed that I asked them to put their own plate and cutlery in the dishwasher. When they stayed I asked his 15 year old DS to put his plate in the dishwasher and he seemed clueless and didnt seem to know what to do. I didn't think it was that big of an ask.

You need to address this now. My DD was the same. We started giving her jobs much younger and frankly she was a nightmare, proper tantrums for being asked to do the simplest things like tidy up after herself.

She's 12 now and her default is still mostly lazy but she will do her chores with minimal grumbling. It's a long process with slow progress along the way!

I try to avoid confrontation and jolly her along and reward instead of scold although she has lost privileges for particularly obnoxious or selfish behaviour.