Have you been to any kind of counselling or therapy and...

[OhioOhioOhio]

...did it help?

How did you know it helped?

Why did it help?

I'm on my 3rd session. I know I've had a tiny shift in my head but not really sure what.

Also this time I notice I'm waiting for her to tell me how to get myself fixed.

She's totally non committal and is all about me finding an answer for me.

I've spent a lot of time saying 'I don't know...'

How is it supposed to be?

Yes has counselling, thought I’d commit to 6 weeks and that would be enough, however ended up going for about 9 months... cost a fortune and I’m still laying but it was the best money I’ve ever spent.

*She's totally non committal and is all about me finding an answer for me.

I've spent a lot of time saying 'I don't know...'*

Yes this is familiar, and you need to unpick why you ‘don’t know’

It's a slow progress, think of it like unreeling the skins of an onion. Sometimes it can happen quickly and other times it takes longer
There wasn't for me a day when I came out and thought it was "fixed" but I now absolutely understand why I have acted the way I did and that a lot of stuff happened to me was not my fault
A food therapist will get you to answer your own questions they will or should never "tell"
You what to do
Well done getting help

She's not going to give you any answers. Counselling is like talking to yourself. I felt like she helped me keep track of what I'd been saying, helped "order my thoughts" and even when her comments were "wrong", that was helpful. Hearing her suggest that there may still be a possibility to continue the relationship I was in made me realise that I had absolutely zero interest in that, so that was actually pretty helpful. But she never provided me with any insights, they all came from me.

Thank you.

So when do you know the onion is unpeeled? And how is life different?

Does it teach you how to flag up the hurdles before you trip so to speak?

And do yoh then one day just feel sorted?

I’ve seen two therapists and it totally depends on who you get.
The first I considered to be slightly unprofessional in terms of how open she was and how she made her opinion clear but she was very no nonsense which is what I needed and I felt very comfortable opening up to her.
The second time was paid for by work and I’m not sure if this effects the quality of therapist but all I can say was that he was extremely odd. He would open the door and I’d say “Hi! How are you” etc and he’d literally ignore me and not say a word until we’d started talking about my issue. I felt extremely uncomfortable and text after two sessions to say I wasn’t finding it helpful so wanted to stop and he never even acknowledged my message!

I don’t think there is a magic ‘ your cured day’ I think over time you start to work things out for yourself and stop questioning whether what you are doing is right.

I think your confidence grows and your self esteem with it, and then you sort of just know it’s time to stop going.

I had counselling for a couple of months during my divorce. I didn’t know what I wanted from it but needed a safe impartial space to empty my head as I was starting to get very panicky which I hadn’t experienced before. It was very helpful, gave me the space and time to get it all out and leave me freer to not think about it too much outside of the sessions. She helped me make sense of a whole load of things going back years I didn’t know were bothering me but she barely said anything and must have gently guided me to make connections myself. I didn’t go to get answers because she only knew what I was telling her, she didn’t know my ex or anything that had happened, but I did and knowing I’d never see her again I was able to be completely honest which I couldn’t do with anyone else.

I have been in therapy for about 15 months. I have found it so helpful, I have a lot of trauma to shift through. Whilst I am not quite ready to do so, I have just found having space to let off steam regardless of how I am feeling invaluable. I went private as the NHS couldn't address my needs.

I think it's important to find someone you can gel with.

I’ve had grief counselling with cruse so perhaps not he exact type of counselling you are asking about? I knew it helped when at the last session I said I am fed up talking about it!

They don’t give you any answers though, you have to find those yourself. Or make peace with the fact you may not ever find the answer (as in my case).

Kind of place marking OP, I'll be having my third counselling session on Monday so I'm new to this too.

After first session I left feeling really positive like I was reading to make a change, then I found 4 hours later I really crashed and cried a lot for a few days and felt I went backwards. Did you have the same experience?

After the second session, I felt more in the middle. I'd cried a lot in that session and like it was said earlier in the thread even when he was wrong it helped me focus my mind on what the problem wasn't.

My mind is a very messy place at the minute and I suppose those small "no that's not my problem" moments will build a bigger picture down the line

I'm really glad I started so far, I find myself looking forward to it even though I'm sad when there. I suppose it grounds me and gives me a sort of release to be able to speak to someone so honestly

Excuse the typos!

I have seen 2 councillors and found both v different. Lets just say the first one was not a success. It was linked to gp practice.
The other my lifeline. I paid private. I dread to think how much, but see it as an investment.
I remember one day in particular I said something that had just became clear , and realised she knew that. She admitted so. I asked why she did not tell me sooner. The answer was that I had to work it out myself. She was right.
It takes time ,I still get maintenance sessions with her.
You will feel comfortable and at ease with your councillor.
I hope it works out .

Yes I’ve had 4 different therapists. 2 I clicked with and saw on a regular basis (one I still see weekly now). The other 2 I saw once and didn’t get along with. I find it is all about coming to your own conclusions and being asked questions..I don’t think I have been told many answers.

I don't know is a very frequent phrase in therapy. The idea is that they ask the question BECAUSE they know or at least suspect that you don't know. The idea is that your subconscious mind will keep chewing it over after the session is over and eventually you will be doing something utterly mundane and the answer will just come to you.

I've never liked people standing behind me. I have a very short list of people I will turn my back on and my therapist asked me why. 2 days later I was queuing up for a coffee and it just occurred to me that I developed the habit of standing slightly sideways in a queue at school when lining up for dinner because it put my back to the wall and meant my bullies couldn't sneak up on me.

Up to that point I had been adamant that I had no trust issues.

Yes and yes it's helped. Usually fee worse before I feel better. Most of the times I've sat in sessions and thought 'this isn't relevant to me' and then had an 'ah ha' moment later on and things have clicked. I'd say, for me, a minimum of 6 sessions before I notice a change in thinking so you're still on the early stages.

I have had counselling a couple of times, found it very helpful. Normally takes about 6 sessions to see a real change and often you feel worse after the first couple because you've opened a lid, so t speak.

The point is that you find your own answers and solutions, with some guidance. They don't tell you what to do. They help you explore your own thoughts in a way you may have not previously viewed them. You'll notice a lot of the time they repeat things you've said back to you from a different perspective (I did a counselling course once).

It's important to find the right therapist too.
I have seen a brilliant one previously who I felt very safe with. I cried my eyes out during our first session and slowly she helped me to unravel my feelings. I look back on our sessions with a lot of gratitude.

I saw another one more recently who was pants.

Months of EMDR and compassion focused therapy with a clinical psychologist! It cost a fortune but I got £2000 of funding through work which was amazing. It was primarily to address 2 traumas which occurred in quick succession but unlocked other shit from my teenage years and early twenties. It didn’t completely cure my anxiety but it made the panic attacks and constant trauma triggers subside, self harming stopped (which I never told anyone except her) and I feel like I can enjoy my dc without feeling constant fear and threat which is how I lived for years secretly. The pain of the trauma doesn’t feel as raw and I talk about it like it’s in the past tense now which is a huge positive change.

So what did you find changed?

That you felt less defeated?

I've had bereavement counselling. In the beginning it was awful. I found it very hard and upsetting at first. The councillor sat in silence expecting me to talk.
I spent the first couple of sessions crying.
It did help me move forward.

I have been seeing a Counsellor regularly since Feb when I finally had a bit of a breakdown.
While my Counsellor has never told me what to do, her questions have really made me think and strip things right back, and she has been able to help me find some really useful tools and techniques to deal with triggers and difficult situations.
I'm still a work in progress, not really expecting to be 'fixed' but I feel so so much better than I did before, in so many ways.

Nhs counselling, nhs CBT and then private hypnotherapy with CBT. The latter was perfect for me and has really helped. I wasn’t on a conveyor belt, I wasn’t pushed to be out of the door after 12 sessions. It is the best investment I have made in myself

I cried from the moment I went in to the room til the moment I left. Then I managed to speak a bit without crying and actually didn’t cry until five minutes in and I looked forward to going. I got used to talking about shit. It didn’t hurt quite as much. I didn’t cry quite as much. I started to feel more in control and understood more and didn’t blame myself for everything as much as I had done previously. I started to think more and not go over old ground the way I had previously. I didn’t care about the bad past as much. Really helped me.

You feel less like you're in it on your own. Gradually they teach you to be kinder to yourself and develop more resilience. Its important to find someone you feel safe and comfortable with though and who challenges your perspective. No good having someone who smiles and nods sympathetically when you actually need someone to talk some sense into you. I started to trust my therapist on the third session when I was basically grumpy and moping and sulking after a shit week and I said something along the lines of people treating me like roadkill, they look at me and make the right sympathetic noises but no one ever actually stops to help. And he just burst out laughing for a solid minute saying he couldn't believe I just compared myself to a dead cat. And i was so surprised that I ended up laughing too. Its important that therapy isn't all doom and gloom.