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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be pissed off?

12 replies

Rosebel · 07/12/2019 20:42

Today was local Christmas fayre. Our children have been asking all week to go so we agreed.I went to work this morning, came home sorted lunch and got ready to go and suddenly dh says he's not going. No reason he just doesn't want to. I tried to persuade him and said I didn't particularly want to go either (still feeling rough with "morning" sickness) and he said well don't go. Obviously I did because I feel guilty if I let our girls down.
I said if you're not coming can you wash up and start tea. He moaned a bit but said okay. I was,out for about 2 hours,with the children and when we got home it didn't look like he'd moved and nothing was done. I had a go at him and he said I being out of order. Surely it wasn't unreasonable to expect him to
A, keep his word to our children
or
B, do something to help if he won't join us for family time?
Feel really really pissed off.

OP posts:
rhubarbcrumbles · 07/12/2019 20:44

He's an adult and you don't have to go to things together. It'd have been good if he'd either come or prepared dinner though.

Letitbegin · 07/12/2019 20:44

I'd be pissed off as well. So selfish.

thistimelastweek · 07/12/2019 20:47

You are not unreasonable in my view.
Why would it be ok for one person to unilaterally opt out of family life? You are either 'team family ' or you aren't.
And you don't get to let your children down just cos you're a dick

UtuNorantiPralatongsThirdEye · 07/12/2019 20:54

He's an adult and you don't have to go to things together. It'd have been good if he'd either come or prepared dinner though

Wtf. The OP is suffering morning sickness and you think it would've "been good" if he fed the children and helped her take them to the event? He's supposed to do those things for his family!
What low standards some people have.

YANBU op.

Original poster
Rosebel · 08/12/2019 12:50

Thanks feel better now to think others agree I wasn't unreasonable. I just feel Saturday afternoon is our,one real family time so he could have made the effort or even said earlier he didn't want to come. Then even after I asked he didn't do anything round the house. Apparently he was too tired (obviously I'm not!!!!)

OP posts:
OwlinaTree · 08/12/2019 12:51

What a lazy arse.

Eggies · 08/12/2019 12:56

I'm in the exact some boat much of the time OP and YADNBU. Why do men think "morning sickness/pregnancy isn't an illness" is a good enough reason for them not to pull their weight? I'm sick of hearing that and wish my Dh could experience it for just one day.

catsmother · 08/12/2019 13:05

Nope, of course you're not being unreasonable.

Sure, school fairs are almost always unexciting for most adults and yeah, they're particularly dragsome when it's cold and damp outside and you'd prefer to chill at home. But they do raise much needed funds for school and most small kids do seem to enjoy attending. Obviously they can't go on their own so most parents - particularly if they'd already promised their kids - bloody well get on with it, for the sake of their own children and also to show a bit of support towards the establishment that educates them!

Opting out at the last moment without a genuine reason is lazy and selfish. And very immature to throw out a 'don't go then' when you pointed out the prospect didn't exactly thrill you either because then the kids would have been let down. The least he could have done was make some sort of useful contribution to family life while you were out. Why the hell is his leisure time more important than yours?

Really hope this was out of character. Please tell us this isn't typical.

UtuNorantiPralatongsThirdEye · 08/12/2019 13:11

Why do men think "morning sickness/pregnancy isn't an illness" is a good enough reason for them not to pull their weight?

Decent men who love their partners don't think like that.

LynnMa2 · 08/12/2019 13:16

Someone who loves their wife and kids doesn't act like that - sorry. He's a jerk.

StoneColdSaidSo · 08/12/2019 13:34

We were supposed to be taking dc to the reindeer parade yesterday as a family. Dh rarely gets weekends off so he took this one off especially for the parade. He still isn’t feeling that great after a bad bout of flu and I woke up with really bad morning (all day) sickness and was sick several times. He told me to stay at home and relax and he’ll take the dc on his own. He took them and queued an hour to see Santa and when he came home, he fell asleep on the sofa! That’s what you do when you have dc. You suck it up.

Original poster
Rosebel · 08/12/2019 16:59

9/10 times he'll refuse to go when I first mention it so I was actually really happy when he said he would come this time. If he'd said no originally then I'd have been annoyed but at least the girls wouldn't have upset
I think I was annoyed he backed out at the last second and then refused to help out.
My husband just said my hormones are making me unreasonableAngry

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