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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To distance an old friend...

11 replies

Guzzies · 07/12/2019 14:59

Friend of mine is very critical, frequently angry with the world, very judgemental and has got worse in last 5 years. Tbh I love her dearly as she has a soft centre, we go back decades and I fear stressors that she's tried to outrun all her life are catching up with her.

Recently she exhausted the last medical investigation (3 years of various theories) to be told there's nowt physically wrong. I reminded her of her promise to consider AD's if all tests proved negative. She got really snappy and personally nasty to me. How come I was so clueless as to not to plan for X? Silly comments like that.

Later on we were discussing pets and she said in a high handed way that I didn't have "the tools" to successfully own a dog! I was just in the middle of gently calling her out on this when 2 acquaintances of hers stopped to say hi. She turned her back on me (this was at the entrance to my driveway) very pointedly and chatted away, leaving me standing there. If I walked off I'd have looked rude so I stayed put. I could see the 2 women were horrified at how she was behaving. One actually walked over and introduced herself. Tbh I was horrified by my friends rudeness.

Later I messaged her and said I thought she'd been very rude. She accused me of thinking the world was out to get me! I felt really annoyed with her and said that she knew very well she'd been appalling.

The weeks have rolled on since, no apology. She dropped a present in for my birthday, I for hers, but nothing else. My suspicion is that her mental health is in freefall, that she has an Eating Disorder (constantly dieting to get to size 4 from a size 6 but her natural size is really a 12) and I'm very worried about her. She is fat phobic and makes scatching comments about anyone who is overweight. But just mentioning the edge of this seemed to bring on the attack on me. Don't know what to think or do for the best....

OP posts:
FloreanFortescue · 07/12/2019 15:27

She sounds toxic. I'd just let the "friendship" die.

TheMustressMhor · 07/12/2019 15:29

Heavens. I cannot understand why you're still friends with her after all this.

Butchyrestingface · 07/12/2019 15:32

Well, neither of you sound like you like each other much so the dropping off presents post fall-out is a bit of a head scratcher.

Let the friendship die. You’ll surely be better off.

Guzzies · 07/12/2019 15:37

I like her an awful lot, I'm more worried about her than anything but there's a fair bit of feeling p*ssed off with the recent rudeness there, I'll admit it!

OP posts:
BumbleBeee69 · 07/12/2019 15:51

I like her an awful lot

struggling to read in your OP, that shows what there is to like Hmm

Toooldfornonsense · 07/12/2019 15:54

If she’s in an eating disorder free fall then if you can, get her family involved and sit within the sidelines for when she’s getting better.
Her irrational behaviour is more than likely to do with the lack of food - you sound like a stable and lovely friend so I’m sorry you’re getting this behaviour from her.

Sometimes you like someone as friends but they’re not necessarily a good person to have in your life

MinervaSaidThat · 07/12/2019 15:59

You have outgrown this friendship and it’s no longer giving you happiness. Cut the strings.

ForalltheSaints · 07/12/2019 16:01

Whilst it is sad when a long standing friendship ends, sometimes it is the best thing.

CAG12 · 07/12/2019 16:47

Distance yourself a bit. If she calls you on why you can tell her that her behaviour prompted you.

Everydayishistorytomorrow · 07/12/2019 19:31

Sadly I have been in the same position. It felt awkward burning this bridge but life is so much better without the toxic negativity. There were no harsh words or hurtful comments, I just withdrew myself from being available. We all have different roles within friendships, it seems you no longer bring any happiness to each other. It's time to go, life is far too short.

sonjadog · 07/12/2019 19:46

I don´t think there is anything you can do. Just let it go for a while and see what happens.

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