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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go on holiday without DS?

35 replies

GumboDrop · 07/12/2019 10:35

DS is 14 and insists he doesn't want to go on holidays. Took DC abroad in the summer and he did his best to be miserable all week. Other DC want holidays. DS could stay with his dad as we are divorced but it feels very wrong to have major holidays without DS there. I think he might resent me later in life if we go without him.

OP posts:
HouseworkAvoider10 · 07/12/2019 11:02

Go without him.

Armadillostoes · 07/12/2019 11:11

Well definitely don't deprive your other children of a holiday because of his objections, that would be very unfair. You have two choices, either give him the option of staying with his father, or tell him that he is coming and set out clear consequences if he behaves in a way which spoils the trip.

You know your DS best, does he REALLY not want to go, or is he anxious about something/seeking attention? Might he secretly want to be "made" to go, or would he prefer some one to one time with his Dad?

Original poster
GumboDrop · 07/12/2019 11:14

I truly think he just doesn't want to not have access to his playstation for a week. I'm torn, holidays are family time but he ruined the last one with his mood. You can't make someone have fun.

OP posts:
Pipandmum · 07/12/2019 11:14

If he doesn't want to go and made it miserable and has an alternative then leave him. My friends son passed up a trip to Hawaii because he didn't want to leave his girlfriend. They're 16 and had only been dating three months. But his mum didn't lose any sleep over it.

InACheeseAndPickle · 07/12/2019 11:14

I would make it clear you'd love for him to come with you all, you'll miss him etc but ultimately allow him to make up his mind and if he wants to stay with his dad let him.It's just him being a teenager.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 07/12/2019 11:14

Why does he not want to go, that would be the worry for me. Holidays with children should be based around their wants and desires.

Mintjulia · 07/12/2019 11:16

If he’s that addicted to a play station, I’d take him specifically to get him away from it Smile

Elenorrigbywoes · 07/12/2019 11:18

Go on holidays and bring the PlayStation cable 😂

Sirzy · 07/12/2019 11:20

Give him the choice when you book, but as he has somewhere safe to stay then if he doesn’t want to go why make everyone miserable?

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 07/12/2019 11:23

I would see the issue here as being the PlayStation obsession. If he can't cope a week without, he's playing too much.

Screen time is addictive, you need to wean him off it

SunshineDays2019 · 07/12/2019 11:38

Agree with PlayStation addiction concerns

Decidewhattobeandgobeit · 07/12/2019 11:38

If his PlayStation is stopping him from engaging in real life you need to take it away.

choli · 07/12/2019 11:42

Leave the little shit at home.

atankofskunks · 07/12/2019 11:47

Get rid of the PlayStation then encourage your child to get out of the house and enjoy what's there. Come on OP! Parenting needed here I think!

squashyhat · 07/12/2019 11:47

"Holidays with children should be based around their wants and desires".

Rubbish. And a good way to bring up entitled brats. Holidays should try and encompass everyone's wishes. It may not be achievable, in which case learning the art of compromise is a valuable life skill.

Intruiged · 07/12/2019 11:52

At 15 I hated holidays with family. Boring. So I stayed home, and everyone was happier. Took me a decade to realise they could be fun. I think it's normal. Leave him, he'll rejoin you when it will fun for all again.

IsAnybodyListening · 07/12/2019 11:54

That's really sad. I would be very concerned about PlayStation addiction also.
My Ds is also 14, and whilst he can be the living incarnate of Kevin the Teenager most of the time, holidays he literally resorts to the excitement of a toddler. The night before flights he cant sleep because of excitement and on the holiday propels us all out of bed no later than 7am and throughout the day he has it all planned. If I dare sit on a lounger longer than 30 mins he dragging me for a walk, a swim, for food etc. He spends a lot of time on his PS, but I could never imagine he would refuse a holiday because he couldn't play!

Original poster
GumboDrop · 07/12/2019 12:25

I was semi- joking about the PlayStation! And I would take the PS cable if he stayed at home as I'm not letting him use that as an excuse. I just want him to come but to enjoy it too.

OP posts:
sweeneytoddsrazor · 07/12/2019 12:32

How old are your other children? And what sort of holiday do you go on. If he really doesnt want to go let him stay with his dad why make him do something he doesn't want to if there is an alternative.

FoamingAtTheUterus · 07/12/2019 12:39

Leave him behind but minus the PlayStation........he needs to learn that shit doesn't fly. 💁🏻‍♀️

sanityisamyth · 07/12/2019 12:42

I didn't want to go on holiday with my Dad, step mother and 2 sisters as I was terrified of one of my sisters. I stayed at home with my mother (who I also hated) but was really pissed off that my sister could be so nasty and violent and she got lovely holidays abroad. Was still better than spending time with her though and I could actually relax for 2 weeks without worrying constantly where she was or how she was going to hurt me next.

Ask him why he doesn't like holidays and why he seems miserable.

Bunnybigears · 07/12/2019 12:47

I would give him the option each time a holiday is being booked so he can decide on a case by case basis but then if he chooses to stay with his Dad I absolutely wouldn't feel guilty at all.

oreosoreosoreos · 07/12/2019 13:05

Last year DSS (age 15 then) chose not to come on hols with us - he stayed at home with his Gran. We didn't feel guilty, but It was a shame, as we think he actually would have really enjoyed it, but he decided he would rather stay at home and hang out with his friends.

This summer he decided he did want to come and we all had an amazing time. He's looked at what we're thinking of doing next summer and has said he probably won't come. We'll show him properly once we've decided though, and triple check before we book anything, just like last time.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 07/12/2019 13:42

Sanity, I know a fair few that would stay with their other parent than go away with step parents and their family. I don’t think it’s uncommon.

OP have you actually asked him why he doesn’t enjoy them or want to go?

underthebridgedowntown · 07/12/2019 14:01

You can't make him enjoy a family holiday. I think give him the choice when you're booking it, he makes the decision and you stick to it - part of growing up and getting some autonomy when it doesn't really matter - it sounds like you want him to come for you, rather than for him