AIBU School illness policy

[LadyMarchwood]

Sorry this is a bit long but here goes.
DD age 13 is in year 8 and is on the whole a fairly healthy child. Until just after half term she had never felt ill at school, but a few weeks ago she felt quite sick and went along to the medical room to let them know. She was told that unless she was actually sick she needed to go back to class. She went back to class, managed the full day but called me at the end of school on the verge of tears saying she felt too sick to walk home as usual and could I come and collect her. I was a bit surprised at the school's policy but did nothing further.
This week she and I have both had a really awful cold. It kept me in bed for 4 days and it kept her home from school for 2 days earlier this week. She went back in to school on Thursday but mindful of the previous experience, I gave her a note to give to the medical room people if she felt ill. It explained the situation and that I expected them to give me a call if she wasn't feeling well.
She managed alright on Thursday but on Friday she felt bad and went along to the medical room. They told her to return to class unless she had been sick and refused to even look at my note.
She went back to class but at lunchtime she was still feeling awful and tried again, but still they wouldn't listen.
In the end, she took her note to the school office and asked them to read it, at which point they finally called me to come and get her.
I was so cross when she told me all this on the way home yesterday, particularly about the refusal to even look at my note. I have emailed the school about it all, but my question is, is this normal practice for secondary schools or UK schools in general? We have only been in the UK school system for just over a year so I'm new to it all really. Surely most schools accept that vomiting isn't the only way that a child can be ill? Maybe I am over reacting and this is quite normal though?

I would imagine that they’d have a huge room full of people who said they ‘felt a bit sick’ and would rather not be in lessons so it’s easier to have a blanket policy.

Yep quite normal unless they have a temperature or sick (or actually visibly ill) they get sent back
It sounds harsh but you do need to have some parameters otherwise they would be ringing parents all the time!
Where they were wrong was not reading your note

Well obviously it's a stupid policy if that's what it actually is. There are plenty of illness not involving vomit that would necessitate a child leaving school. I would probably clarify that was what the policy actually is though.

It's funny we blithely accept things for kids that we would never tolerate ourselves as adults. I'm usually healthy but have on two occasions had to leave work because of a migraine or sudden fever. I can't imagine how I'd react if someone said I couldn't because I hadn't puked.

That said maybe DD didn't really seem too ill and it was a judgement call on their part.

As someone who works in a secondary school it is a tough call.

Some appear looking clearly unwell. Pale, flushed, not themselves etc. Others have discernable symptoms such as a bad cough, having vomited, temperature etc.

Many have none of these things and will simply be trying to avoid lessons. So there generally is a 'see how you go, come back if it gets worse' approach taken. There isn't much else we can do.

For every parent who would wish their child sent home based on their word alone, there is another who would rather we kept them going until the end of the day unless absolutely necessary.

Ours would be sent away the first time and told to come back if they didnt feel better. I have been called to collect my 2 on a couple of occasions and they hadnt thrown up but felt unwell

Yes. I'm sure it must be a nightmare trying to work out who is really ill. I thought they might have a record of persistent offenders though or at least recognise that she hadn't been there in over a year and so maybe was actually ill. She was also pale with flushed cheeks when I picked her up.
I think it was the refusal to look at my note and the fact that they said she had to return to class unless she had been physically sick that bothered me the most. Interesting that that is fairly standard though.
I'm interested to know what response I get from the school. I often feel they put too much emphasis on attendance which I know isn't their fault but is really irritating- the more so as we are used to a more relaxed international school approach...

What's the point of the medical room if they don't allow anyone into it?

There are repeat offenders that get far more short shrift, but a child might want out of lessons for all sorts of reasons, or might be a bit of a worrier and just need to see a friendly face before deciding they can soldier on.

I would have given you a ring if you had sent a note but in my experience parents still don't always want them sent home, and have given a note as a sort of sweetener to get them to school, so I would have looked to decide between us on the right approach.

My note was fairly explicit with little room for doubt but of course they didn't read it. 😆

If she wasn't well enough to go back don't send her, although if she has time off every time she has a cold she's going to struggle at secondary school.

Aw that's a shame. My kids have always been 100% or near attendance but last year DD felt sick on her way to school. When she arrived she went straight to her tutor and I was picking her up 10 minutes later after he phoned. She's only 12 but was trusted enough not to be bullshitting them. I get it if it's a pupil who does it regularly (I have a friend who will keep her kids off if they've had a nosebleed at home or had a headache on Sunday etc which I think is ridiculous). I'd be complaining to school in your position. She had a note and they should have read it.

I work in a secondary school, we have 900 teenagers in one building and with the best will in the world it is almost impossible to discriminate between those who are genuinely unwell and those who are just saying they are. Hence the blanket rule that pupils return to lessons unless they have D&V, a temperature or an injury.

It is also impossible to discriminate between notes from parents which are genuine (like yours) and those whose parents are colluding with their child to get them out of maths/PE/detention etc. (you’d be surprised at how many openly admit to doing this).

Make a complaint if you feel you need to but they’re not likely to change the policy for the whole school, which as PP have said is pretty standard in the UK.

Hopefully it won’t happen again but if it does could you find out who the best person is to speak to and give them a quick ring/leave a voicemail to say DD isn’t 100% and to call you if she needs to go home? If your DDs school office is anything like ours, notes get buried and staff will know it’s genuine if they spoke to you personally.

Glad you’re both on the mend now. Try not to dwell on it over the weekend.

squaffle has said what I was going to say.

If she wasn't well enough to be in without needing a note to come home then she wasn't well enough to be in and should have been off.

I'm no fan of attendance obsession policies so to me if a child is genuinely unwell then they should be off until they are better, not back in half well with notes and requests to call home to see etc.

My DD started with migraines at the age of 8, and is always told to get a drink of water and that's all. When she has one she clearly looks very unwell, very pale, can't be bothered with anything. Several times now over the last year and a half she's had to struggle through a day and has gone straight to bed when she comes home, and usually ends up off the next day because it's worse from struggling on.

glitter in that situation a child who suffers from regular migraines would usually have a plan in place agreed with school.
E.g. we have students who suffer from migraines (Vs staff and students who think a bad head is a migraine and misuse the term, much to my irritation) and we have information kept at the medical room/student reception for how to deal with it. Students carry their own medication at secondary, but we can log what they've taken, call home, give them a drink and a break, see how they go, send them home if they need to etc.
It might be worth talking to your child's school about a similar agreed plan. Proper migraines are awful. Your poor DC.

My school followed the rule of puke or no call. Simply because you’d have half the school in the medical room feeling woozy so they could stroll home before double maths. Notes didn’t count for crap either, since we’d usually have wrote our own about our “bad ankle” for PE so we didn’t have to run cross country in the lovely Scottish weather. And there was often notes explaining your absence from the day before signed by your great aunty twice removed.

If you had the docs/dentists you had to be picked up, even in later years when you could’ve literally had your own home too.

Is she allowed to have her mobile on her at school? I was prone to fainting so I kept mine and if I couldn’t be sent home (didn’t literally faint in front of the medical room staff) id call/text to get picked up or walk out with permission. Attendance wasn’t as policed then though.

When my eldest was about 14 and was actually sick in the toilet at school, he went to the nurse and she said she'd need proof before she would send him home! He came home at the usual time, white as a sheet with a raging temperature! I was furious and sent a very cross email to the nurse saying I'd advised him next time to make sure he was sick in front of her on her sickbay floor! He had really good attendance too so it's not as if he was school avoidant! I definitely find a change in secondary with the attitude towards illness. It's also creeping into primary schools too now. It's so silly because things wouldn't spread half as much if people just stayed at home when they were ill.

It is about teaching them resilience too for the working world, we can't always go home from work with a headache or tummy ache and we need to teach them this, secondary age is as good as any.

My DSS is in secondary in Scotland and they call his mum or dad to go pick him up if goes to the office with a butterfly tummy.

He hates doing physical education so tends to get collected most Monday’s and they are yet to turn him away. God knows what his schools policy is.

This once happened to my sibling - they were sick at school told the med office who didn’t believe them and said they needed proof. So they sat in the ‘waiting section’ with a bucket waiting to see if it would happen again.

Sibling was sick again ... intentionally missed the bucket (the med staff had been very nasty) and was sick all over the floor in front of their desks. They went into a total flap and sibling pointed out they should be careful cleaning it as our whole house had been down with noro ... he was the last to get it and also had a note in his planner that they’d refused to accept 😂

My take on it is if you’re unwell you’re unwell and treating kids like they’re liars (unless they’re repeat offenders) isn’t really setting them up to be decent responsible adults.