SIL issues

[warwithSIL]

I've name changed for this as potentially quite outing.
Bit of background I've been a SAHM (joint decision with my husband) for the past three and a half years. Due to finance, childcare costs, commute, crazy hours my husband sometimes had to work.
SIL has had a bee in her bonnet since I stopped work, it's absolutely none of her business but the only time she talks to me she asks me if I'm looking for a job, if I'm planning on going back to work soon etc. I see her very rarely.
I've got a part time job now to transition for the next year in prep for oldest starting school and getting some confidence back for me in the workplace.
First time I saw her after she found out from FIL that I've got a job, she asked how many hours am I working.
She has no other conversation with me at all. She arranges activities when I can't go due to my new job. It's really none of her business but she is always basically mean to me. Final straw is she's booked a birthday lunch for my husband and his family knowing I can't attend. What can I do? Part of me wants to just ignore it but I'm really fed up and would prefer to head it off before it gets worse. AIBU to confront her about it all? Husband thinks it's all coincidence, but she knew I couldn't attend my own husbands birthday do (it's not on his birthday) but carried on regardless. What do I do?

Imo dh needs to tell her to reorganise and tell her to stfu about your financial affairs.
He needs to practice his resting bitch face and so do you...

I would ring her and ask her to rearrange your husbands birthday meal as you can’t attend due to work.

Your husband should have rearranged the birthday meal to when you could attend and you should both tell her to butt out of your living arrangements.

I think your husband should tell her its not convenient. Surely she must have checked that he could attend so why didnt he say no because you weren't free.

If not then I think I'd book a days holiday or swap days if i could, just out of spite

You need to have a frank discussion with your husband, and you need to tell him how you feel.
She sounds jealous and seems to be undermining you.
Is there a background prior to all of this?

Yeah sorry she does not get to book this, he is your DH not hers. He tells her we are rearranging to x date when you can go. I would try to keep extremely low contact and if she keeps on about it just ask her ‘why are you so obsessed with how much work I do?’

I wouldn’t get DH to do it. He thinks it’s all a coincidence so can’t imagine he would deliver this speech with any seriousness. Probably wouldn’t want to rock the boat.

She sounds like a total busy body and your financial affairs/working life are of no business to her! It sounds to me like she has too little going on in her own life to take such an interest in yours. I would not even humor any work conversations with her, I would shoot them down immediately! I would also expect your husband to be more pro active in this too! To be honest I’ll bet even when you are doing well in work, she will have something rude to say about it she sounds the type!!!

What does DH say? I would expect him to ask why his birthday lunch is at a time when his own bloody wife can't attend. I would also want him to come back with a put down every time she bangs on about your working hours etc.

Yanbu.

Pull her up on her behaviour. Ask her why she thinks it her business about your job and whether you work or not and if she cannot think of something else to talk about then to mind her business and not to talk to you until then.

Your husband should also be telling her to mind her business as well. Does he want you there?

Next time she asks you personal questions, remind her it's none of her business. Stop letting her get away with being a bitch. Your DH should ask her why she booked it when his own wife can't attend and stick up for you.

It wasn't a birthday lunch when initially discussed just a go out for lunch with a couple of other family members since I was working husband said yes, his birthday isn't for a few weeks yet. It being a birthday celebration was mentioned much later and to all family on group email. Husband didn't know purpose of it when she asked if he was free.

I would tell him to go.

At least you dont have to do something joint with his family.