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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Works Xmas meal tonight

23 replies

loulou252419 · 06/12/2019 14:31

Hi, I started in my new role 3 weeks ago and was very kindly invited to xmas meal (which is tonight - paid a deposit). It's now the day of and I really don't feel like going - I would have to hang around in work and get changed here for 1.5 hours before it starts as don't have time to go home and get back again (long commute), I don't really know anybody and definitely don't feel like part of the team at the moment - I sit in a separate office with just 2 other colleagues and to top it off dp and I have recently started ttc (last month) and AF showed up this morning so i'm feeling abit crap.

Worried that they will be put out if I don't go and not sure what reason to give for not going. so I suppose i'm asking AIBU not going?

OP posts:
Ohidontknow99 · 06/12/2019 14:33

I don’t think they will be put out but I think you will enjoy yourself if you go and a good way of meeting people / making Friends

Newbie1999 · 06/12/2019 14:33

I would make myself go, as I wouldn’t want to be out of the loop, especially as you’re new. Don’t alienate yourself.

Spied · 06/12/2019 14:37

YANBU. You're an adult - if you don't want to go then don't.
On the other hand it could be a good opportunity to get to know your colleagues better - and you may enjoy it once you are there.
I personally would be sitting ruminating at home about not going and wondering how it looked if I didn't go- but that's me and I know I shouldn't.

MissSueFlay · 06/12/2019 14:39

I don't really know anybody and definitely don't feel like part of the team at the moment
It's a good way to get to know your new colleagues in a more relaxed environment. Why don't you just go for the meal bit, and don't drink too much. Can you pop out and do a bit of Christmas shopping in the break?

I know AF showing up can make you feel a bit rubbish, but it's a new job and they included you, so you should probably make an effort.

puds11 · 06/12/2019 14:39

I’d go, new office un’all. But it’s up to you.

SleepwalkingThroughLife · 06/12/2019 15:44

Spend the 1.5 hours having a wipe with baby wipes, put on some make up etc, you'll feel ok when you're there.

I wouldn't go mind you, but please don't do as I would do, my advice is way better than my example!

msmith501 · 06/12/2019 15:47

In this instance I would go. You actually sound sociable and I think you will enjoy yourself hugely. Paste on a smile and exude confidence... have fun! Don't post any now - you'll be too busy getting ready.

thenightsky · 06/12/2019 15:47

I'd go. Chance to get to know new colleagues.

peachypetite · 06/12/2019 15:49

You should go.

RunningAwaywiththeCircus · 06/12/2019 15:53

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

Hellohah · 06/12/2019 16:01

I find that the times I don't feel like doing something always surprise me. I end up having a great time, normally because I've thought it would have been rubbish.

I would say give it a go, you never know... You could end up at the same place as @RunningAway and do the twerking together on the top table

DorisDances · 06/12/2019 16:23

I would go as well - sends a really positive message to your new colleagues.

Dontdisturbmenow · 06/12/2019 16:27

I totally get as you feel, knackered, not wanting to make an effort to talk to people you don't know, not wanting to act all happy when you're feeling down.

However, it would be bad form not to and would likely get your colleagues to talk. Sadly, I would see it as one of those things you really don't want to do but should for the benefits longer term.

At worse, you'll count the hours and go as soon as you've finished your dessert. At best, you might actually find yourself enjoying the time and it will fly before you know it, going home feeling much better than you do now.

fishonabicycle · 06/12/2019 16:41

Go. People who bail on the day (without a very valid reason) are dickheads. Who knows? You might actually enjoy it

Funguy · 06/12/2019 17:03

I certainly do not think you are a dickhead, but you may enjoy it a bit. After all you can leave if you are not enjoying it as you can use the long journey as an excuse. Have a nice time x

confusedandemployed · 06/12/2019 17:05

I started a new job 3 weeks ago too. I'm definitely going to the Christmas do, precisely because I don't really know anyone.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 06/12/2019 17:06

Get some painkillers for AF if you need them, enjoy an hour or so in the office when most people have disappeared home and then get some music on your phone and pump yourself up. You'll get to know your colleagues, feel more at home in your team and it might boost your spirits a bit.

Livebythecoast · 06/12/2019 17:09

I remember joining a company before Christmas and being reluctant to go to the party.
I told myself just go, don't drink too much but enjoy it and get to know your colleagues........
Didn't eat much as was nervous but drank my body weight in wine. I didn't get to know my colleagues but they certainly got to know me after that night. 🙈. I still cringe about it 10 years later and I can't hear YMCA without shuddering and reliving that night - never again!

GeorgeTheFirst · 06/12/2019 17:09

You should go and give it a try you don't have to stay late.

Twinklelikethechristmastree · 06/12/2019 21:52

I hope you decided to go. I have a sneaky feeling I've not been invited to mine. No one has mentioned anything about a Christmas get together which is odd.

Katgurl · 06/12/2019 21:59

I'd force myself to go. You might enjoy it and even if you don't it'll be better than sitting at home fretting about not going.

Horehound · 06/12/2019 22:03

Since it's a new job I prob would go. Wonder if she did.
She'll be back tomorrow telling us she was dancing in the tables 😀

rumandbiscuits · 06/12/2019 22:09

Hope you went and are currently having a lovely time SmileWine

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